after I woke up from the transplant
I was in ICU the beginning of recovery
The catheter tube would come out
Each day would consist of a task
a cut across my gut I'd pray everyday
My abdominal muscle lacking core strength
A huge cut stapled shut metal stitches
Extremely anxious to get out of bed
Having to page the nurse for assistance
Getting out of bed was difficult
I felt like a turtle on its back
I learned techniques during physical therapy
I had to urinate one of the first tasks
A process that took a few hours
After being assigned was a flow
I'd get up and walk after every meal
trying to keep strong physically
mentally missing work and home
Mostly grandma, her words echoed
"mijo, no one is going to do it for you, you need to do it yourself."
Next, I'd be asked to pass gas ripping a few.
A bowel movement, which was my final task so I could be released to be out patient staying a local to AZ

He felt like he was the worse
Blamed himself stood alone
Knocked for being different
Stood alone held on for life
Trying to be normal-ish
Whatever that is now a days
Afraid to be canceled aged out years ago
Everything he's not what others said
Made him more confident
Gain strength from being excluded
Comfy being alone going strong
While others needed company

He was hard working
Because he spoke English and born in the  US he got treated different by his people from the motherland. He didn't like living up to stereotypes but did prove them wrong.
Taking on crap that had nothing to do with him. Stuck in an argument that had nothing to do with him. He learned to walk away; before he would argue, never back down.

The love ended before things got interesting
Two hearts one with love the filled with lust
Too many outsiders interfering with the couple
One was ready to commit open to changes
Free love comes with a price value lost overtime
A kiss that means something loses passion
Hugs with emotions lost feeling numb within

Wide awake anxious to go
Recovery is causing delay
Emotionally charged feeling everything
On the sidelines missing out
All the hard work is being undone
Not sure how to feel seen as brave
Trying to survive make it happen
By doing the work get out there
The safe place feels like a lock down
Screams for help echos in the mind
Words won't come out of the mouth
Fight to be strong a regular struggle
Refusing to show weakness
Forgiving hoping things changed
Seems like it's worse easier to stay away

College is not who you are
Sometimes you unlearn and relearn
Encounter people from around the world
A small town boy becoming a man
He changed his location to be better
But home had his heart part of him
Taking those values into another world
The experience helped him grow
He was open minded to new cultures
His heart set on becoming somebody
But pushed everyone and thing away
He felt like a nobody trying be someone
Others made him out to be crazy
He fought to be himself taking criticism
Sometimes he wanted to disappear
Fade away take a time out from it all
Now he's down missing that world
Not sure where he belongs or fits in
Starting over was a hard step to take
But needed to be done no looking back
The past is a comfort food that is not nutritious
Never satisfied just addicted to the crunchy junk food

I pray for them because I see the problem
They won't admit it or see it as wrong
I'm not going to get involved or say
Dealing with head strong people is hard
Most never listen and ready to argue I'm praying for those that hurt
Those who cause heart ache get stopped
The girl that's pregnant gets kicked out by her bf but still goes back. I pray for her and the child.
The older man who stays with a woman who treats him like an idiot. Because he fears to be alone. I pray for them as well. I'm not mad but pray the situation gets better. I pray some come to their senses. The internal struggle passes replaced peace and closure.