Changing that mindset has helped
Not holding a grudge but letting go
Walk away from the drama
Friends dated away over the years
Cut off toxic families bad behavior
Need feeding into the negativity
Head up when facing diversity
It's easy to put head down plow through
Stand tall with your moral compass
Would rather do what's right than wrong
Left alone doing the right thing
That means so much and everything
A heart of gold growing into more
Walked away from the pain
Traumatic memories lose a pulse
Writing deep thoughts enriched closure
The fear dries like blood scabs over
Healing process within begins

Anxious to make it home to Grandma
Missing work colleagues that made his journey less stressful
Family that was supportive and believe in him
All the prayers and love from everyone
The people that seen good in him
He didn't always believe in himself but gave it to God
Talking about cirrhosis was hard he was living it
Others took the time to understand when he felt alone
Trying to be normal before and after the procedure
There would be more doctors visits and pills it would become a normal in his routine

Writing when you are not angry
A new look on life after major surgery
Just recently got a liver transplant
The worse feeling is when people see you as a liability
Your health makes you question your life
Feeling limited holding back
Changes needed to be made
Having to diet the fear of dying
Clothes falling off due to rapid weight loss
Work intense physical pain magnified
Fear of letting the team down
Taking charge as a lead to one of the guys
Hated missing work hospitalized didn't help
A year of blood work and tests procedures to get on the list
Followed 6 months waiting with 3 no go calls
The 4th call meant race from CA to AZ for the transplant.
Not sure it would happen not losing faith
Getting told "are you ready?" by the doctor. The moment was here. Made it to AZ in 5 hours. Prepped for the surgery.
A prayer before the surgery made it reassuring. Getting cleaned with surgical soap and ivs put in the arteries and veins. Being drugged feeling loopy the last thing. I remember was climbing onto the surgical table then waking up in ICU

Born in California with American values
Stood up for the flag and said the pledge of allegiance
Prayed to God walked strong with faith
Grew up poor worked hard to rise above
Judged by the color of my skin
Not playing the race card working for it
Speaking English polite with manners
Judged my people for not knowing Spanish
Not one to give up on family values and traditions
Breaking away open to growth
Speak when spoken to out of respect
Unconditional love without terms and conditions
It's not always your place to say anything.
Not always heard able to have an opinion
The sense of belonging able to be yourself
With having to fight for a spot
Prove you belong being loyal and true
Lost norms that need to be brought back

Always been a lover in a deep fight
Minding this mouth, that's why I write
I don't need your approval LMB (let me be)
I'm never going to compromise myself
Give up on myself to be liked to be accepted
Friends become enemies left in the past
I'll always love family but doing my own thing
It's sad how tragedy brings everyone together
Grandpa was the glue I love and miss you
Now everyone is divided, holding a grudge
I've never been a materialistic one to help others
Always valued family time now
It's always awkward from traditions to an emotionless gesture Always been a lover in a deep fight
Minding this mouth, that's why I write
I don't need your approval LMB (let me be)
I'm never going to compromise myself
Give up on myself to be liked to be accepted
Friends become enemies left in the past
I'll always love family but doing my own thing
It's sad how tragedy brings everyone together
Grandpa was the glue I love and miss you
Now everyone is divided, holding a grudge
I've never been a materialistic one to help others
Always valued family time now
It's always awkward from traditions to an emotionless gesture

what I see and how I feel are not the same taking it in you admire it appreciate it
when you try to put it back out there
It's not the same once experience
I've processed it in my mind
what I felt and what I thought
lots of it being analyzed to be understood
years of being told you are no good
like a mood ring adjusting to others' bad vibes
it's easier to be alone by myself rather than tolerate bad behavior. being discriminated by our own kind doesn't hurt

This has been a rough journey. A year of doctors appointments and 5 months of waiting. God is great and made it happen for me. Coming to AZ was a 5 and half hour drive. The surgery took 4 to 5 hours to wake up in ICU. I pushing myself at work and light training helped with the healing. I had to attend AA, and my liver support group helped me mentally prepare for this.
I'm praying that Mayo Clinic gets the dosage to my meds right. on day 19 from the surgery, I get the stitches out. I'm still walking around with this suction bulb better safe than sorry. Being on the sidelines ***** learning to relax and recover downtime is all new to me because I'm usually doing something.I'm thankful for all the love and support. I feel like I'm given a second chance to do right to be better. A whole new perspective on life. I'm feeding, my spiritual growth reading the word.