what I see and how I feel are not the same taking it in you admire it appreciate it
when you try to put it back out there
It's not the same once experience
I've processed it in my mind
what I felt and what I thought
lots of it being analyzed to be understood
years of being told you are no good
like a mood ring adjusting to others' bad vibes
it's easier to be alone by myself rather than tolerate bad behavior. being discriminated by our own kind doesn't hurt

This has been a rough journey. A year of doctors appointments and 5 months of waiting. God is great and made it happen for me. Coming to AZ was a 5 and half hour drive. The surgery took 4 to 5 hours to wake up in ICU. I pushing myself at work and light training helped with the healing. I had to attend AA, and my liver support group helped me mentally prepare for this.
I'm praying that Mayo Clinic gets the dosage to my meds right. on day 19 from the surgery, I get the stitches out. I'm still walking around with this suction bulb better safe than sorry. Being on the sidelines ***** learning to relax and recover downtime is all new to me because I'm usually doing something.I'm thankful for all the love and support. I feel like I'm given a second chance to do right to be better. A whole new perspective on life. I'm feeding, my spiritual growth reading the word.

friends come and go like the seasons
some I miss, but pride and ego
keeps us divided rather than talking it out
mistakes were made, and apologizes were not accepted
good times are over, but not forgotten
losing a friend while holding a grudge
never going to see them again
friendships ended for relationships
couples become partners start a family
I wish you nothing but the best
the fork in the road
takes up to different places
some on borrowed time with health issues
others in the struggle trying to get by
life's a ride make the most of it
doing what's right from the heart
don't care about being right
moving onto the next chapter
doing it alone staying strong
make the most of things with what you got

sometimes you'll love a girl who doesn't love herself. you got intimate and fell in love while she was lusting around. not caring who she hurt. broken hearts and broken trust over a lush. you felt special, but other guys are getting the same treatment. you wanted to be the only one while everyone treated her badly. you treated her well, and she dropped you like the rest. God's not done with you. thinking of going back to school to get back in the medical field. learn all that you can. you have a good memory tired of playing dumb pretending, not care. Mostly afraid of being judged by people who don't know me. No matter what I do, they are going to judge me. look down on me or say something bad about me. major in psychology, and become a counselor to helping people. I'd get them into writing for therapy so they can express their feelings.

The day came he got his transplant from Cali to AZ. He prayed for the moment giving the glory and victory to God. Thankful and blessed it finally happened. He got discouraged but never lost faith. He couldn't do this alone He gave it to God. God's speed God's will thankful to be out of the danger zone feeling saved and filled with grace. No more yellow eyes, but a smile on his face.  
He was working hard to keep distracted. Doing pad work now he had to work on his life style changes after the transplant. He set new goals and didn't feel restricted

He told his cousin it would comeback to her. You can't disrespect people and expect them to listen. She got comfortable telling others her opinion when no one asked. People appreciate honest the blindside would make people more angry.

Eventually all that would comeback to her. All the lies and deceit would come out secrets exposed. Talking down or bad about others doesn't make you a better person. One opinion doesn't matter but trying to manipulate others to follow your hateful methods is unacceptable.

Some people already have it hard they don't need you pointing out the obvious or trying to make them feel the way you're projecting your insanity on them. You dk their life or what they are thinking. how they are feeling to impose your intrusive thoughts.

Writing about it not in that place anymore. Growing up out growing the past. Life is a ride that won't let up going fast.
From missing an ex to asking what's next? Worried about being broke now worried when will it happen?
Why hasn't it happened yet. Trying to live life not in regret so much frustration, and disrespect.
Picking up the slack tired and sore crazy enough to comeback for more. Talking to a girl that shows no interest. Wasting time trying to find common ground. Both from different lives and wanting different things for themselves. Sometimes she's open other times says nothing and not bothering with anyone.
Work is not hard but when people miss you have to dig down deep do the extra and try to balance out energy. Some care too much while others don't care of give a ****.
Trying to stay positive be well rounded instead of closed off and shutting down with irritation caused by all the detours and setbacks. Someday you want to scream and quit others take a breath and get it done.