I wanted that picture so **** bad because in the 16 years we were all together we didn't take one
I wanted to hang it on my wall but a year later I want to burn it
I want to burn it and forget that we as a family ever happened
I want to pretend that my life is a soap opera and I'm not the main star
I wish things would fall into place
that my life would suddenly go back to 2014 and not change
but then I realize I would still be wishing for a change
and I hate that
I always wished it would happen and I thought I would be happier
but I just realized that I hated living sometimes
Every emotion just came at me all at once and 11 months later I'm sorting and deciding which one I have to deal with next
The day it happened I cried for about an hour and then the next three months I felt nothing then I was overwhelmed and scared and now I feel sad and lonely and a tad bit ****** at everyone all the time and some for absolutely no reason but the fact that they get an outside view and don't have be the person in the middle

You're the reason I started writing in the 3rd grade
You're the reason for my late nights
You're the reason I want to punch you in the jaw
I thought you would learn but you never did
Remember when you said if I ever need anything come to you
That's hard when you're in prison
I want you to be there at graduation but I know you won't be out
I hate you for this but I'm glad you're not dead
Love you person

Prison letter and dreams are the only thing that we have to stay connected in this world
You wrote me and said you have found god and he put you on this right path and alls I can think about is where is god
I keep thinking about the day your set free
The day when I come home from college to see you again
The day when you meet you eleven, five, and two year olds
The day we get to watch a cardinals game together and make mexican food and agree to disagree about everything except the people who are up to no good
Yesterday I dreamt we were in Aunt Amy’s kitchen and you were free and I wanted to hug you but you said it's not time and that's true
You and me sitting at Aunt Amy’s kitchen table it isn't time for that
I wonder what you look like I REALLY DO
'I wonder if we will be the same when you get out
I wonder where i'm going to be when you get out
I often wonder if I’ll ever stop missing you
and I still wonder what three years really feels like because so much happened in three months
I find myself looking at the happy time instead if all the bad
Like the time when I was five and you and Brit took me to the zoo
When told me I could do anything I set my mind to and not to  listen to the negative people because they will never amount to anything close to what I will amount to
When we went with dad to that baseball game in september high sets but it was the best
I want you to know I love you and sometimes the world is an unfair place but in dreams and letter we are set free