Delilah

Delilah Nov 2015

I wanted that picture so **** bad because in the 16 years we were all together we didn't take one
I wanted to hang it on my wall but a year later I want to burn it
I want to burn it and forget that we as a family ever happened
I want to pretend that my life is a soap opera and I'm not the main star
I wish things would fall into place
that my life would suddenly go back to 2014 and not change
but then I realize I would still be wishing for a change
and I hate that
I always wished it would happen and I thought I would be happier
but I just realized that I hated living sometimes
Every emotion just came at me all at once and 11 months later I'm sorting and deciding which one I have to deal with next
The day it happened I cried for about an hour and then the next three months I felt nothing then I was overwhelmed and scared and now I feel sad and lonely and a tad bit ****** at everyone all the time and some for absolutely no reason but the fact that they get an outside view and don't have be the person in the middle

Delilah Nov 2015

happy

I'm finding myself looking up and smiling like a mindless fool
and I love it

Delilah Oct 2015

m.

You have left a handprint on my heart
not in vain but in love
when you went you took something and left another
you took what I didn't want anymore and left something amazing
you left the love for myself
you were like a vacuum cleaning the dust from my soul that made me forget me
you opened me but I did not open with you but after you
you helped me find myself and not to be scared
but sometimes I wish you were here to see it bloom
the night that was ours is coming and I still think of you every year
the night that my cheeks hurt from smiling
the night I went without a worry
the night that happened so quickly
the night I fell in love
I love that word but hate it all in the same
because my love never last long outside but inside it last forever

#love #sad

Delilah Sep 2015

Person

You're the reason I started writing in the 3rd grade
You're the reason for my late nights
You're the reason I want to punch you in the jaw
I thought you would learn but you never did
Remember when you said if I ever need anything come to you
That's hard when you're in prison
I want you to be there at graduation but I know you won't be out
I hate you for this but I'm glad you're not dead
Love you person

Delilah Aug 2015

My heart

My Heart is a big mess of love that never knows when to love but only to hate the things it comes to love
That's all its ever known but wants to know more
It wants to love like you but doesn't want to be hurt because it has been before
It talks to my brain and tells it to think about loving you but the brain knows that it will end badly
My Brain remembers all but my heart is like a blind dog trying to find its owner
My heart builds itself a wall to block the sad and broke parts of it and rebuilds itself to be happy again but the brain knows what its doing and warns it to stop
But my heart never listens
It just wants to love and to be loved

Delilah Aug 2015

For my future lover

I wanna lay in bed on sunday morning with you
I wanna wake up to the sound of you laughing at the dream you just woke up from
i wanna eat cereal in my underwear with you
I wanna come back home and show the small minded world that I once lived in, the big bright beautiful world that you are
I wanna make love to you in the back of your moms broken down mini van
I wanna lay under the stars with you and think of our future kids
I wanna fly to mexico, get drunk, and fall in love with you all again
and I just wanna love you