Cold toes and aching gut
No fire nearby.
Familiar growling monster
Howling in the floor he lies.
I understand this fear in me
and why my body so weak.
Oh! This pain I can ***** it out.
Just explain how I remove this burn
burning gloom mearly brought by tears in her eyes?
Of all the cries I have seen
Why new this one seems ?

When the shooting star fell off from its place
Little soul from the dark place made a wish
Wished for a better day before ascending from its existence

Dry dust settling, underneath the skin
so we hoped for rain....cool and clean,
Then poured the sky, glorious mighty high
Off course scales are no more
but wet mud is sticking
on our slippers sole
So
now we pray
for
yet
another day

fetch my journal
stall down the memory lane
some emotional words
wrote  in pain
on those pages  was my kingdom
nothing in vain
abstract art in my domain
it mostly rains in my cloudy reign
but there was this page
so vibrant terrain
whispering and laughing at detain
next, celebrating  with champagne
there goes my kingdom
drunken
super lame
feigned unchain

My untamed manners gets in the way of impressive plan towards civilization of new dawn.
My heart wants all of it just not the way it has been done so far.
I cannot change as I am already changed and changing, just not the way I want
But how it was suppose to be
Wish I could fly but I am not a bird
But I can always take a flight, off course  and take off, not just the way I want.

That exhilaration of long longed situation
is so excitingly painful,
It burns my heart to feel this way

Who are you passing stranger?
Tell me your deepest fear so I can forget mine.
Tell me you too don't believe in those
who says what we relish to hear.
Tell me that you don't see things for what it is and it has pushed you in some corner...
Tell me you have made more mistakes then doing right
Tell me you are tired of trying and failing
Tell me that you are same as me and still so much different

my demon prefers a pin-drop silence, with no shroud of hope
and I am trying to escape. In my mind, I shout, shout loud. Hush! she says everything is ok, you are happy here.It's merely your silly mind so full of doubts. Our looks are alike, still so unlike me. Her eviction, constant contradiction, her weary words puts me off. she says everything is ok! but her incessant rally is sufficed to say, it renders me to reflect otherwise.

I wish,  I dream,  I hope,
I stay ****** in my favorite dope.


I hope one day I give up all,
acting to clean up, I stall.


I tried today to stay away,
I'll do it tomorrow or another day.


more I resist, more I can taste
it has its lure, such an evil waste.

in its ecstasy, I know no shame,
you compel me! I like to blame.

rest assure, don't burn in this flame,
no ounce of it is true, I am just using your name.

I feel like to write while reading
And read while writing
So I wrote about my feelings
What I was feeling
I want you to say without talking
look without staring
And Reach me without touching

surprised by my thoughts and stunned by my deeds
no i didn't really thought i had it in me
after things said and done i find myself here
so familiar these path i already crossed and been
i remember being baffled in trance-like state
i fear i might be waiting to be struck by ominous sky
then and only then i shall realize that i had crossed that gate
my sour mind knows no meaningful direction
my heart feels no thread of hope

no i didn't really thought i had it in me
if knowing oneself make a wise person
i hope i am little wiser now then i was yesterday
so i know i am not entirely brave or honest
i am coward and selfish to the point of blunder flaws
when i am not being all of that, i am thankful for reaching so far.

I smile quite often this days
Mostly halfway
I know I am not unhappy now
And I can't remember what was it
But I am sure this isn't it

I thought I had lost you long back,
cowering in the dark,
Only today,when I stepped out and sketched you
I am Glad to find you are still here following me,
I never had lost you ,my shadow!

I don't know what i believe in, anymore
Hope it's ok if it feels ok

Into this turmoil, this damaged world, I float
stern faced with unaffected looks, they gloat
they talk tall and taller , I feel small and smaller

It's not about how it looks
but how it makes you feel
It's all about how deep it hits you
How it compell you to think
It's about remenising memories
Or making new one
It's a pause in your routine
and to have time for yourself

Had she lived a little longer,
She could witness things coming around for her, finally and be happy ,
Had she just bit more time,her heart little less broken
Only, had she been little more capable
in taking bit more torture
She could had it all..


...for a little while anyway.

I was born without language so I am still figuring out
How to say without shouting out loud or without tears
No I haven't acquired that skill of using my words appropriately
I still hesitate


                         To
                                Say
                                        I  am my main concern. I think of myself more then anyone else. I am selfish so I need my time for myself.

A man with no shadow lurking
around with no direction.
So fragile yet such
strength it holds
My heart
I feel your pacing
Trying to breathe back
Into life

Its an hour past midnight
Thinking about misjudgement
How I saw you in bright sight
Must have been my fantasy
You living upto your promise and
Me not hoping to see it fulfilled

Through these window he looks so carefully, as the sky pour heavy,lost in his thought of some sweet old memories...clouds are crashing and crying aloud, yet it is nothing  compare to what is brewing in his heart.

one day i found HP site
i used to feel lost in here
now i am really lost
hear my plea
mend it soon please
make my haven safe again

Irony is when
drowsy eyes and pacing heart
tries to coax a mind,
who have thoughts of its own.

With this harmony
they all win
just to create chaos in  me

We should see one more sun rise and fall, we'll linger in the moment when it's about to set, we'll watch that radiant red and yellow sky, birds flying back to their dwellings, in that warmth of dying sun we shall promise each other one more sun...
Will you come to see next sun, I wonder...

I feel your feeling
I want to bent toward your arms
Then I feel your heated anger
I never will linger around your sight
All says love is stronger, but why do I feel hate strongly

Let me hold on to myself
Get a grip on my breath
Let me calm
I want to breathe slow
And feel
And see what freedom does to me

When madness surrounds every second, all seconds..
Even when you are right
You'll always feel wrong
You'll believe in all the ******* there is and some more...
But pauses while doing good deed.

No
I won't make casual conversation
with you
I don't trust my cheek
Not to blush
More I think,
it gives me fright
What if my face
unfold matters  of my heart
Bundled up in lace
You need to stay exactly
Where you are
or else I won't recognise
new me...

I like to Lose myself in a crowd,
          there I always find
    a company of many like me
We stare at each other and wonder
               of things that
            was and might be
  but what is will be concern of
       yesterday and tomorrow.
  Today we live without worrying
about judgement and consequences.

In the crowd I usually find
                                         a mind alike...

Toss and turn, my back aches with tiresome but my heart refuses to pace slow, eyelids not willing to close yet
  
I meant what I said and I love your mind for searching for some hidden meaning.

This thought keeps crossing in me
How hard it is to stay and live at your present.

What use thy eyes which cannot believe everything they see
Nor those ears, who have to doubt
All they hear
Constantly fighting to see through pictures    and
To
Listen
What it
Hears...

whisper of those long gone overwhelming desperation are pounding aloud and left are those who wished you well without reason never demanding back their affection. Never did you had to ask if you deserve being this happy. No more  you say now to yourself that it'll be fine soon. Not anymore does that sweet nothing feels remotely anything like it was suppose to feel. No boundaries left untainted.
Impure is how it feels now....

I cry for myself  
For my selfishness

Someday in past, many years ago,
I was merely child with curiosity and lots of questions
I thought I would know answers by now
But now, I was never so lost knowing only few of them
That zeal and light in my eyes has dimmed
And left with  many other questions
Which I don't really ask anymore

When u caressed and said
that you have fallen for me,It was already late.

When you unknowingly picked flowers for me,
It was already late.

When you let your guards down and thoughtlessly
smiled back to my smile, it was already late.

When you asked my name and our eyes stared into eachother,
It was already late.

When you first heard of me and I, you
You were already too late.

Melodies of these place is indescribable with few phrase,
Hummingbird hovering as bee
Upon pink flowered tree,
Meadow shinning bright green,
Every weeds bearing tiny bloom,
Not a single leaves looks off scene
This is the place where lover would
forget their way and be an adventurer instead.

How I say it ,matters
Everything is already
Said by someone somewhere
So how I'll say them so u'll know
It occurred in my mind
How shall I say?
Those old words that I am beginning
To feel now

Sun,moon,stars and you in the beginning
Everything was magical and my imagination running wild
No muscles remain aching
Every happiness was there for taking
You praised me and i flew among cranes in cloud nine
I dozed off but still found u there when m back
Until you said, I am nothing and everything in same sentence
Until you said, I trust you and where have you been in other one
Then you said many other things
Cracking my feelings just wanting to get response
I was responding in silence
Now I see .. Sun burning, moon depressing, star giggling behind my back and with you ....ending

You promised a kiss under moonlight
So I bought a bottle of courage

Moon shined as bright as u said
With only one person to witness it

It seems tonight is one of those night
To get drunk and kiss someone random under your promised moonlight

Long day was it today
I traveled, cleaned, cooked and
Scattered my cracked sentiment
Still this day is not over yet

I am trying to it fix back
To black and white
Gathering all into a sac

It keeps winding up colourful instead

O dear lass! How hard did you tried
and did everything what everybody liked
And they judged you harshly
Try to break you just for fun

Now so tall u walk without care
Doing only what you deem pleasant
and they still judge you bitter.


Nothing has changed in them



And everything in you.

Did u feel it too?
Can u see it in me?
This feelings I keep feeling
This constant feeling of temporary
Is it not obvious ?
That I can't settle in one topic
As I have firm believe that it is temporary
It won't matter in a few seconds from now.

Can't u see why
I am unable to make decisions
Or give opinion
As it keeps changing
My thoughts and idea keeps fleeting
Too fast for me to keep track of it
Can't u see it too that it is temporary?