When you go away you go so far that not even my love can save you.
You go off to this land where your love for me is unreachable.
I cannot touch your love for me...
I can't accept it, nor can I deny it.
It's like an island,
You and your dreams of me have floated away to a land where reality doesn't have any hold over you.
You are just there,
With all that you hold of our world,
And one can never really see you
For the fog that covers your eyes hides your soul from the world.
You are hidden,
Your dutiful heart is protecting you from all that could be.
You disappear from your body into a land that none of us could fathom. And I hate it.
You steal a piece of me.
You take it and you run,
You run from all that could be,
And all that should be.
Your body can't hold all that you feel for me.
It was only built to hold your soul,
Which before you stole mine was already too much for it.
Since you stole your love for me and hid it on your special island
I havnt been able to find you,
I think you might be lost forever.
I'd love to share in your love for me occasionally
But you're slipping away
So that all is left in you
Is the me that you stole.
You have consumed me
and in doing so you have let me eat away your soul
Until it was gone.
I'm sorry for killing you.
I didn't know,
I suppose I must have been pretty **** unobservant to not notice you slipping away onto your island,
Especially when you took with you all the parts of me that were worth a ****.
I never meant for you to fall so far,
Like an angel who was so human in that you couldn't keep away.
You dissapeared from me
And took our love with you.
How am I suppose to reach you now?
I needed you,
But I feel that I don't deserve to say that
Because you needed me so much more.
You needed me so differently,
And I couldn't always be there for you.
I couldn't ever be there for myself
And now that I'm all that's left of you,
I couldn't be there for you either.
It was your fault that I couldn't reach you,
But it was my fault that it was your fault.
You blurred us together and now I can't tell the difference.
I feel like I can't ever know you now,
Because all that I can see in you is me,
And I never could look in the mirror and then go about my day.
If I looked I'd get stuck,
I'd stare at my soul and wonder about life.
I'd wonder about all the things I wondered about.
But never once did I contemplate you while I was stuck staring.
All that time I spent absorbed in myself
And I never dreamt you up,
Do you stare at me like that too?
Was I so self involved that I even consumed myself in your body aswell?
Could I not stop staring and see that the person in the mirror wasn't me at all,
And that the only reason I thought it was
Is because that's what I expected to see?
You look in a mirror and you look for yourself.
And eventually you find it.
Or you dont,
And that is when you look harder,
You look so hard that you swear that you have climbed in the mirror and will stay there
So that everytime your body comes back to take a look you can say,
Here you are.
This is what you believe in.
But then eventually your body changes,
It develops new experiences
And it comes back and it looks different.
There are weather lines on your forehead and you think,
This is not me anymore.
And that's when you climb out of the god forsaken mirror and you look around and you realise that the world has changed,
And your body has made a stranger fall in love with you,
The you that it saw in the mirror,
But this stranger could never really find you because you were trapped. You were trapped within your ideals,
You were trapped within the eyes who dared not to look at you too long in case they saw something.
Something of value.
And then you think,
I'm so sorry my poor lady,
And then you fall for her.
But she has taken you so far away to a little island in her mirror,
Where your love and her's is trapped behind a misty brown fog covered soul dying to have you notice pouring through her empty gaze.
And you realise that she's the only one who will ever have met you in your mirror.

If I had four feet,
I doubt I'd do much better.
I could run so much faster,
I could balance so much steadier.  
But I wouldn't.

If I had three hands,
I doubt I'd do much better.
I could type so much faster,
I could play so much better.
But I wouldn't.

If I had two heads,
I doubt I'd do much better.
I could see so much more,
More of the world I could explore.
But I wouldn't.

I'd just be stuck
Get me out of this warped body
I would scream
Give me a life of normalcy I would plead
Just take away my abnormalities
Until the world
Seemed less unfair
Rid me of this shame
I don't want to play this game.

I would never stop to see
The rainbow that could be
I'd be the devils work
And nobody would be able to convince me otherwise

So if I had one body,
I guess it would still be the same.
Even though I could have two eyes
My body would still be my demise.

I'd have one body,
And along with it I'd get a mind
That would have it's own ideas
And would forever bring me tears.

You've got your rules
One, two and three
Dictating everything
That I'm supposed to be

I love to play your game
Get so caught up in the fun
Can't get away
When there's nowhere to run

If I was to tell you
My mind had gone astray
I'd love to show you
But I've a new personality everyday
Not so much every new day
The change is in but a moment
A moment of atonement
To sing a merry song
I'd love to tell just who I am
And who I hope to be
But i know as much of that
As I do of the waves on the sea
All I can do is feel them underneath
As I ride on overboard
I know exactly who they are
The feeling is mutual
For it's one you can't describe
You have to visit once again
Until there your heart resides

It was a Tuesday
When you last ventured through my mind
11.11am square
Was when I last did find
My piece of mind
I lost our time
My world is out of wack
Tell me, when are you coming back
It's 11.12am now and I'm left wondering

A writer of sobriety
A corner to turn
A wager to earn
A faithful gush in piracy

A mystical song
A wrong-doer doing wrong
A costly band of tyranny

A witch to be watched
A sack to be sotched
A mischief maker of irony

Cut down your rope
Send out your bloke
We'll see who wins your styranny

I was listening to The Decemberists- The Engine Driver when I couldn't help but write this down
NOTE: This is not the actual ending to the song.. Just a spin on it that I was compelled to jot down.



And I am a writer,
Writer of fictions
I am the heart that you call home
And I've written pages upon pages
Trying to rid you from my bones
My bones
My bones


But my bones turn to paper
And all I end up doing
Is scratching you deeper
Deeper into the pillars
That pillars that support my soul
My soul
I've written so many pages
That my bones turned to paper
As if you were to ever support my soul
But I spose that's one thing about paper
It don't support much of anything
I let you crumple me
I turned you to paper
Guess my master plan to rid you from my bones
Backfired a little
For now I'm stuck in a crumpled heap
A crumpled heap
Because that ****** paper
Couldn't ever make me whole
Me whole

An elaborate disguise
And the wink of an eye
A whip to be cracked
Some groceries to be stacked

I'll do your bidding
And laugh when you're kidding
I'll be there when you need
Off me you can feed

Please don't hide from me
You can trust me you'll see
I will trust in your guidance
For you encompass my requirements

I have limits like most
As do you, you boast
We're a perfect match my darling
Even in the morning whenst starts the gargling

What if I fell in love
With a broken down *******
Not because I needed to fix him
But simply because I wanted to revel in his beauty
The maddening craziness
Of a life
A life that didn't need to be maintained with perfection
A life where you could just knock down pillars that you didn't need
Destroy friendships that weren't beneficial
A life where one could disown one's own mother
Without the whole neighbourhood offering their tut-tuts
And their 5 cents too many
About how to trim your garden
What if I fell in love with a life
Who let their weeds grow
And created a garden out of thorns
A **** patch that would make those neighbours shriek
What if I fell in love with chaos and disorder
Not to right the tables
Nor to order the shelves
What if I didn't attempt to prune the garden
But I let it grow into a forest
And then laughed when I stepped on a thorn
What if I let the sun shine through the madness
What if I opened my arms to the destruction
What if you sung me a lullaby out of tune
And I asked you to sing it anyways…

I shouldn't be this clingy
I swear I never was before 
But now if you leave me alone for just a second 
I'll probably fall straight to the floor

I know it's bad to need you like this 
I swear I never would have before 
But now i'm begging you not to leave me
I just can't watch you walk out my door

I'm sorry if I use you to fill the gaps 
I swear I never would have before 
But now I can't cope with being alone
I swear I love you like I would have before 

The only thing that's changed 
Is i'll need you more and more
And i'm sorry if you need your space 
I swear i'm trying like I would have before 

I'm a ******* at heart
Please don't let my madness scare you away
I need you to provide me with control
I swear I'll get better every day

My love for him is just a dying ember 
I swear it's nothing more
I didn't tell you because it doesn't matter 
He won't ever be coming back, i'm sure...

What if I told you 
That I didn't know a thing 
What if I told you 
The birds will always sing 
What if I told you 
It was nothing more than a fling 
What if I told you 
The demons always win
What if I did notice
It was terrible and just not right 
What if I told you 
The *** was not out of sight 
What if I told you 
He never made me *** 
What if I told you 
I'd get off better on your *** 
What if I told you 
He didn't suit my personality 
What if I told you 
That it was against all of my rationality 
What if I told you 
It was a danger to my health 
Why would I do this 
If it wasnt even for myself 
I dont understand a thing 
Including why for him I would sing 
He wasn't really my type 
And yet to him I sold my soul
He had a child at the time
And was kinda way too old 
What if I told you 
That he didn't even care 
What if I told you 
That he left me then and there 
What if I told you
That his BO was really bad 
And yet I still wear his scent 
Everytime i'm sad 
Sometimes I dont shower 
Because my BO still smells like his 
And sometimes I kick myself 
Really hard deep down in the ribs 
It just makes no sense to me at all
Why for him I did fall 
The idea of him was holding me on 
But it definitely wasn't that 
That kept me loving strong 
What if I told you 
Abusive relationships seem to be my thing
What if I told you
I just moved on to a new fling
He makes me happy 
And together we do sing
But yet at 3am when i'm feeling lonely
Your BO still stings my heartbeat only
I just can't wash my t-shirt 
That I was wearing on that night
I keep it deep down hidden 
Way way out of sight 
I just don't understand 
How  it is that a scent so bad 
Can smell as sweet
As sweet ever had

Whence he came a bus driver 
he'd always have somewhere to be. 
Somewhere to go
Whence he came a bus driver 
noone would ever have to know 
He'd never be lost and alone 
Driving down the road 
He once called home 
But alas he is once again there 
Imagining the midnight fair 
His bus got warm 
Whence outside was windy 
His bus was cold 
Her name was Sindy
The street of which they ruled 
King and queen they had ever'one fooled 
He swore he'd never again drive lost 
Down that road that cost
For whence he came a bus driver 
He'd always have somewhere to be 
He wouldnt have time 
To get lost in the rhyme 
Of the king and queen to be 
He loved her so 
But whence she saw his show 
She coughed and ran 
She laughed and span 
And kissed his love to be 
After that day he swore 
He'd never drive the street 
For if he killed another
If he trapped their feet just under 
The wheels on his bus burnt umber 
If they were lost in games 
And his bus slipped on the rain 
Life could not go on 
On their empty lonely street
He knew he'd change another
Possibly **** his lover
Down that empty lonely street
He'd forget about their show 
And nobody would know
Whence he came a bus driver

'always leave them wanting more'
is a dangerous line to spin
especially around someone like me
who is playing this ****** game to win

Your lips against mine
Your grip on my spine
You pulling my strings
I can't help but grin

You look at me intently
Searching over my face
Trying to find your answers
In this dark and messy race

You ran, it's true
I thought it was through
I never gave up but lost hope you see
You continue to run and flee
Yes you come back
Each time and I relax
But the scars get worse
As the days go on
I give myself you
And wonder if you were ever really true
I convince myself that your motives are pure
You needed some space
Or got stuck in the sewer
I fight for you
Each day, it's true
You've consumed me
I'm lost without you
I can't sleep when you're not here
And then when you are I don't want to
I'm too busy clinging to the time I have
Never wanting to leave your face
Wanting to touch you everyday
To feel you in everyway
My shirt still smells like you
If i hold it up to my nose the right way
So I can't wash it
Because I need you to stay
I can't leave this place
In case you come back
If you did and I wasn't here
I might have another heart attack
I'll fall to the ground
And i'll drag my feet behind
When you're not here
I promise not to whine
I'll wait patiently just incase
But the problem with getting no sleep
Is there are so many more hours to miss you with

It's 3am and life is brilliant
It's 3am and life is pure
It's 3am and life is fulfilment
It's 3am and life is rotting to the core

It's 8.03 and i'm going crazy
It's 8.03 and i've broken down
It's 8.03 and you're becoming hazy
It's 8.03 and my memories are slipping through the door

It's 9pm and the world is spinning
It's 9pm and the world is thrown off course
It's 9pm and the demons are winning
It's 9pm and i'm left wanting more

It's 12.14 and things are muddled
It's 12.14 and things are strange
It's 12.14 and things are confusing
It's 12.14 and things are deranged

It's 9.06 and life's gone crazy
It's 9.06 and life's a bore
It's 9.06 and things are hazy
It's 9.06 and I don't want you anymore

These are our stories
Our wishes
Our wills
These are the rivers
Our blood pours to fill

These are our hopes
Our nightmares
Our dreams
These are the thoughts
Our hearts want to scream

I am right as the rain that is pouring itself down onto your face, just to get a taste of those sweet lips. The rain who is forever at your service, fulfilling your biological needs, absorbing deep into your skin. Mixing with your perspiration and running down off your body. Thankful that it ever had a chance to know you better than the clouds that hang above your head.

I am right as the air you breathe, filtering through your lungs everytime your body is craving a fresh breath of the world that surrounds you. A breath of fresh air to clear your troubled mind, air of the world, to fill your lungs and stimulate your senses. To clear your vision and to clear your soul.

I am right as the food you consume, the very food that makes you sick to your stomach. The food that gives you the fuel to survive, the drive to move on through the day. The food that you want to avoid because you feel it too much, you know exactly when you've eaten because it nearly kills you to do so and live.

I am right as the time that ticks on when you're not there, the time that you spend avoiding yourself or consumed within the afairs of others. The time that passes ever so ticking, passing along in it's own sweet control of nothing. The time, which affects all just by being, not by doing or changing a single thing. The time that is only given meaning by those who make use of it.

I am right as the wind that passes through your hair, ruffling the sweet frame of your face. The wind that blows through your phone everytime you walk outside. The wind that kisses your body and is then gone, leaving you with the effects to brush off with heat. The inconvienient wind who dares not stay to freeze you but will come around once in a while to make sure you never forget what it feels like.

I am right as the lysosomes that are digesting your cells, killing themselves for the benefit of your whole self. The lysosomes that are eating you from the inside out, a beautiful death for the sole health of every inch of your body. The lysosomes who will eventually digest all the cells that she affected with her touch.

I am right as the love that you bleed everytime you pierce your skin with the silver blade sharpened to a point. Mixing your pain with bittersweet release and spilling down over your skin. A gift to the world, so that maybe one day when your beautiful soul reaches heaven to meet her, maybe you can realise that she always belonged in hell.

My words just arn't graceful 
And my thoughts quite distasteful
I'd rather not think at all 
An eternal sleep 
Or a prince named Phillepe
A mismatching rhyme 
Or a bucket of slime 
Dunk my woes in a trail of hoes
For i've taken it out with many-a-blows
******* a bubble
A life void of trouble 
For a well rested life
I'd bottle my strife 
But until that day comes 
I need something that numbs 
For I am most easily replaceable 
These words really are quite disgraceful
I'm stuck right in a bind 
Just can't get you off my mind 
How cliche
Is what you would say 
How terrible are these useless lines 
They give me nothing but impertinent rhymes 
Not a story 
Nor a page of glory
I'll continue to ramble on
Until once again I feel strong 
I'll string two lines together 
This could go on forever...

So I sit on my wall
And I stare at the bed
Feeling the effects of you on my head
The walls start to close
And my ribs begin to crack
Swinging on their hinges
And breaking my back
I give my stomache some hell
Its been working all night
Digesting the crap
It shouldnt have to fight
I get absolutely no nutrients
And I feel another bout of pain
Someone, somewhere just screamed out your name
Its all in my head
I slide to the floor
My heart slams closed
And I scream out some more
Just give me a sign
A whisper you'll come back
I collapse on the roof
With another panic attack
Take back your love
I don't want it anymore
I started sleeping around
And now my friends think i'm a *****

Set aside the formalities                      
Put behind your brutalities                    
Forget about the finalities                      
Throw away all moralities
Come hide from your realities
Forgive me for my irrationalities
I plea not for practicalities
I know of the abnormalities
Do you know of the totalities
Just listen to the modalities

It's becoming a lethality

For all that you told me
And all that you sold me

I marvel at the warmth in which you left me

She's your soul mate
She's your leaning gate

Gave birth to your child
Not in the least bit mild

Crazy enough for you
I'm sure she'll always be true

How is it that it was so real
And yet i'm still hear to feel

You didn't leave me out in the cold
And off to the circus I was not sold

How was it even possible
That I wasn't even seen as palm-off-able

You're still here to love and guide me
You'll always be standing right besides me

Never again will you leave my side
Not even if you've gone a million strides

Forever I will cherrish you
Until once again I perish too

Find a dream
and let it go
Craft your idea
and sell it my dear
It's the way through life
to embrace your strife
We are not beautiful butterflys
we can not fly **you'll see

A single moment*
to light a fire in the sky
A single moment
a baby bird learns how to fly*
A single moment
a decision to be made
A single moment
will always always fade
A single moment
showing the strength to fade away
A single moment
forever you will pay
A single moment
to find a reason why
A single moment
*to be strong or learn to cry

Another cry
and an empty shallow dream
Another break
add more rips to the seam
Forever fly
away from the mess of life
Just to crumble
try to run and die
Enslave the soul
or forever it will repent
Show your love
and put her down to rest

Oh the bird
With it's sweet sweet song
A gracious melody
There will never be a moment
To be frozen deep in time
When one does not worship this sweet melody
Poor, poor bird
Recieving undue love
What of those with horrendous music
Will they be worshipped the same
I think not
They will get lost
Lost deep in time
Their magical ability to sing
Shunned for the mere sweet, gracious bird

It's the most perfect day
Walking along with your memory
It catches the bus
It has learnt all about trigonometry
Of course i wonder what you're up to
Love the occasional coversation it's true
But you don't know just what you've done
You never even needed to use a gun
The you i've got will stay with me
While the you she's got can't be free

Not so fairytale ending
Laught it up mummy dear
You'll be happy for the sending
It's finally all come clear

My light is no longer pending
The drop turned out to be sheer
Only how do i start the mending
I've got so much to fear

One day has passed
We ran out of cast
It's all in the past
It went by too fast
If you could see us now
You would wonder how

I don't want to know you've lain there
like a soldier from some war,
I don't want to see you laying there
like a victim from the 80's,
I don't want to hear you've been there
like i often fear you will,
I don't want to taste your words
knowing they may be your last,
I don't want to smell that smell
smelt so many times before,
I don't want to hold your silent lips
smiling in my head,
YET
I know you would die like a soldier
fighting to the last breath.
I know you would die as many did in the 80's
fallen victim to the pitiful life.
I know you must return there
far to often is the day.
I know your words
the anatidote to my thoughts.
I know the smell
so what is one more time.
I know my love of your lips
sharnt merely be tempormental
And i know above all that with you in mind,
Never shall i be poor.

I can colour in the lines,
and draw in 3-D
But even that would never make you see.
I can do a funny dance
One of old fasion and style,
Maybe the twist
or maybe spin the dial.
I can laugh and i can cry
Sometimes for no reason,
Sometimes wishing to die.
I can fly and i can sing
In my mind i might even win.
I can see and i can hear
Much to your contrary belief of me
From your rear.
I can sleep and i can wake
I can read and i can bake
But pick on me you managed to do
For trivial things like the way i tied my shoe.
I used to think i was good at all these things
but i all i had to do was picture you
Picture you i would and all hope was gone
Gone with the wind for someone else
Perhaps a strong person would use it to take a stand
But none of this matters
because you've done it all
Even turn on my mp3
The volume not starting low.
But in all my life, i think i win
For i have tried even if i lost the spin
In all my life never once have i seen you try
Try like you never expected to die
And for this i thankyou
For that's the reason i can now
Now do all these things without picturing you.
...well maybe that's not entirely true...
From time to time (all the time)
I do still picture you
But it's getting less and less now (you lying cow)
And i acknowledge what you did with a bow
(to spit on your shoe)
I can think of your failure and push right on through.
I know that might not be the nicest thing,
But after all you left many rings.
Yes, i admire your trying
And your lack of dying
But maybe in life it helps to let someone through
Someone to help you tie your shoe.
I'm glad that you're happy
In a weird kind of way
For i can't help but see you and remember the way
You don't say hello
You don't say goodbye
Maybe we just needed to let it die.
I'm sorry if i hurt you with my painful presence
But at least i don't squeeze out your every essence.

I understand why the night is feared.
Red's no longer red's
Nor are the blue's any blue
Each thing represented to us by a colour upon the day
Is no longer represented in such a manner
Everything is raw
The blacks and the blurry greys of night
We are faced with the cruel defiant reality
Of the things we see as bright or happy
Everything is shown for what it is
Regardless of it's fake exterior paint job
It's true essence revealed
No longer hidden behind layers of fake paint
Only destined to peel

The colours are not colours.
This must be a shock,
For what are they if they are not colours?
Well, colours are only colours when hit by the right light at the right moment,
But even then we all see them differently
The night is evidence of this
You look at a colour upon the light
And all you see is its representation
A beautifully hand-crafted lie
Somebody crafted these colours into it,
Magnificently sure...
But if you look upon this colour
Once the black of the night has fallen
And drained away the world
You will see
Not pretty, bright red's and blue's of innocence
But the black's and grey's of life
No matter how hard you can look
The colours will have changed,
Twisted and morfed into something unrecognisable.
A lie
This is the true truth of a colour
...It is a lie
One designed to lighten and highten
And to create the fear of truth
A concoction of the human world,
Wrought to fool and impress
To impose and to play
Playing a game that they themselves don't understand
One of tricks and illusions
One to keep you up all night writing
Simple things with lying words
Everything is a lie,
Hell, even a lie is a lie
Because when Earth is no longer fit for mankind
The sun stops spinning
And the understand of anything
We mere humans have accomplished to comprehend
Is gone
This is when everything will be nothing
There will be no nothings to interpret
Not even a few measley words
Strewn together with mace and lace
They will amount to nothing,
And yet,
The colours.
Stop to see the colours
The same ones
That lie in wait for the light
To jump and give you a fright
For one day
When the night view is never ending
You wont have the glory of being fooled or illuded
And that is the greatest part of life
That life does not really matter
So why not see what's not really there
While we still can

With the mirror as my witness
i shall now turn this flesh to stone
For all monsters
need to be defeated with a happy ending

Lying in this bed of broken glass
Subdueing to the lose roses
The scent of forgotten places
Stealing the honour of my head

Wait and watch the snowflakes drift
Play for me just one more riff
I'll hold it forever
I'll hold it forever
Come with me to sundown town
Never'll you see another frown
I've got you forever
I've got you forever
I promise to hold on forever-more

I wish my eyes could portrey all that I feel for you
Due to the fact that my lips can lie about what is true
My eyes couldn't fail in this way
Because even when I close them,
I can still see you.

Just make another promise you can't keep
Lie to me once more so that I can sleep