i didnt want to leave
its supposed to help
but
my heart aches
my throat burns
all i can smell is rotten fruit
reaching into every crevice of the room where we laughed
we laughed for hours
but now im gone
and its gone
and theres nothing left for the two of us
except all the polaroids and inside jokes

I'm sorry for ignoring you
I'm sorry for not being there for you
I'm sorry for not 'being myself'
I'm sorry for bringing you down
I'm sorry for everything you don't understand
I'm sorry for everything I don't understand
I'm sorry for being belligerent
I'm sorry for annoying you
I'm sorry for bothering you
I'm sorry for being sorry
I'm sorry for always saying sorry
I'm sorry for everything here on out.

im nervous
ive never said what i needed
i push it down
as the words try to come up
a lump forms and my body pulls itself away
im trying to speak
im trying to let you know it was never your fault
and i swallow until the lump fades
and im not doubled over
not until next time
when i try to tell you everything i wanted to say
and the cycle repeats