I tried really really hard
but it just wouldn't stop!
I crushed the corners tight,
thinking it would hold it back,
but I couldn't,
they still slipped
and fell like they always did
warm and painful and soft
leaving a trail in their wake
of dirt and destruction and heartbreak,
and it disappeared,
with only faded tracks
to lead astray
anybody who wouldn't see
how I tried really really hard,
but still couldn't stop.

You were a dim light shining faintly in the dark;
I was a helpless moth drawn to your feeble glow.

Sky flows furiously in the
Brightness beneath my eyelids
Dandelion juice seeps out a nostril
Eat me whole, wail
The Alps descend to my feet
Crevasses between toes
A paralysis, I am turning green
Gardens rock I sit limp as a leaf
Brightness beneath my eyelids
Pickle sour
Bitter breath
Cherries for teeth I scream
For order and find trees, trees
Choking on bark, brightness beneath my eyelids
I scream for order, a suspicious star enters
And leaves

You set the table just so,
with candle light's warm glow,
musical notes drifting on air
with the wine you serve,

I'm there.

But then the meal arrives,
with bones for my throat,
bitter poison,
leg of goat!

I notice the wine has lost its clarity.
Now you laugh at the perceived disparity.
You rise to leave, say you've lost your appetite;
I've ruined your supper, your planned delight.

You! who so carefully arrange brutality,
crafting my demise with skillful hand,
I won't be served by you again!

I finally found my own clarity,

I'm sweetest champagne, well chilled;

Now, I realize it was your own disparity
once your evil brew was distilled:

Never mine, never mine
I'm sweetest wine, sweetest wine.


*a toast to the ex

Increasingly distorted memories
   slowly succumbing to darkness
Some fallen, some forced into
   the oubliette of my subconscious

Figures of the past linger tentatively
   before receding into shadow
Familiar strangers they do seem
   as if merely remnants of dreams

The looking glass of childhood friends
   mirrors an unrecognizable effigy
An idealized reflection of a former self
   unflinching in its accusatory glare

Whispers persist from imprisoned depths
   for I am silently being recalled to life
Somehow I've forgotten how to be
   the only person I've ever wanted to be

Somehow I've forgotten how to be me