Laugh, because he looks just as unassuming and non-violent as the day you met him.
2. Contemplate swiping right.
3. But don’t
4. Contemplate swiping left.
5. Close the app
6. Don’t eat breakfast, remember how much he liked you thin.
7. Contemplate smashing the phone.
8. Re-open the app. (close it again. Close it again.)
9. Remember his voice, calming and challenging.
10. Wait for the weight of it to come crashing down.
11. Feel the relief of knowing how much you’ve moved on.
12. Say his name, softly to yourself in your bed.
a. Naked sunlight shifting through your freshly clean hair. (The same style you had when he had you.)
13. Put on something cute, feel yourself filling your clothes with the shape of your body.
a. The one he claimed, time and time again.
14. Walk down to the coffee shop, the last one you saw him in.
15. Sit out front.
a. Baiting the shark with a ****** nose.
16. Think about the red head who told you he loved you. (Think about him lying too.)
17. Think about lying on top of him, about playing with his brown hair.
18. Think about the gentle moments, the silence between you.
19. Think about how his clothes looked on you, think about how little you felt next to his taught chest.
20. Think about the moments which make you smile, when you wonder if he ever really hurt you.
21. Scream.
22. Open the app.
23. Close the app.
24. Run from it, like you ran from him.
25. Listen to the music he recommended.
26. Enjoy it because you don’t connect it to him anymore.
27. Remember his hands.
a. soft and hard.
b. He was soft and hard.
c. And fast and slow
d. And hot, but so very cold.
28. Drink coffee.
29. Drink water.
30. Eat something.
31. Breathe.
32. Scream.
33. Open the app. Close the app.
34. Laugh, because he’s not a house you’re ever going to visit.

You with the long fingers and the longing gaze.
You with the green (hazel, brown, brilliant.) eyes and the wistful sighs,
come. (Sigh with me.)
make memories, leave marks.
ignite me, like sparks.
Stay up with the night until the right larks sing.
Sin, with me. Wondering, what the morning brings.
let the moonlight light us.
You look like stardust, (and hair like rust.)
and there must be something.
Worth discovering.
(discover me.)

When a boy asks you to structure yourself,
break his fingers.
Find his weakness
and will
them against him.
hold him to the standard
that all that is not structured shall snap.
Sharpen yourself to a point and pierce him.

I get so high without you.
I have too.
I can't let my mind think of you.
of your body against mine.
against hers too.

You pinned yourself against me,
and I'm still trying to figure out why?
and I can't cry anymore.
and I can't stop shaking and getting
baked.

I love the parts of my body which you loved.
Even more, now that you can no longer touch them.
I can bring myself ecstasy.
I belong to my body.
I am my own lover.

I sing louder without you.
My voice sounds clearer now that you've left my throat.
I don't choke on the syllables you didn't want to hear.
I am billions of light years longer than when you left me breathless.
You can no longer keep me, captured inside your eyes I am like the sunrise we never quite caught.
I am all the times you made excuses not to love me, I am the loudest time I ever told you I loved you.
Somehow, similarly I am so much more without you.
I am a kaleidoscope of colors blending and bleeding into one. I have completely come undone, where you held me, under your thumb, I am boundless! I am beating fists on chest, I am no longer someone’s second best I am brilliant!

You're in every memory.
You've crept into every crevice.
First question:
Did I ever not know you?
Were you ever not there?
Did you actually ever care?
Did you listen when I said no? Now that it's all too late
Do you debate whether her tender touch was worth it?
fingers lit with fire you once fanned now they publish words about you I can hardly stand. I cannot stand up to you anymore so I ran.
But you didn't chase me, you've given me space in a literal sense but you're still inside my mind and memories.
That night I can home from the bar the evening after we decided to end things. We held each other and you held in that desperate secret.
I shouldn't have heard about her from someone else.
I was always truthful to you, but you lied to me.
Third question: When did it become inconvenient to love me?
Was it when you saw the panic in my eyes when you asked her to stay the night? Did it begin when I told you about how I dream about hanging myself by my own insides? Was it when I told you I wanted to die? I have tried, to keep me grounded and the sound of self hatred at bay, but baby I guess that just wasn't enough for you was it?
Fourth and final question.
will you listen to me crying in the room next to yours?
With your doors locked and your guns loaded with loaded question, can you bear to bar yourself from my hands.
So soft.
from my heart, hardening with every passing day.