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Ian J Caldwell Dec 2023
Something that I’ve missed
The quiet of sitting
Headphones playing a loved artist
This brings me peace

The stillness
Book in hand
Headphones playing a reminder
This brings me peace

A familiar feeling
A total stranger
Headphones playing cause you know me
This brings me peace
Ian J Caldwell May 2022
My head feels heavy
My eyes hurt
Blinking slowly
I’m holding back

The blanket covers me
It dulls the chill
The waves process and recess
I’m holding it in

My stomach aches
My heart hurts
The orchestra evokes emotions
I’m holding on

Time to get up
My eyes hurt
Heavy are my eyelids
I’m holding

The chill creeps in
The blanket is gone
It provides me with safety and comfort
I’m holding as I do

Cats scamper about
Dogs cuddle on their cozy bed
They are at peace in play and leisure
I’m holding it together

Tomorrow is almost here
I have to put on that suit
I have to button up that shirt
I’m holding by a thread

I’m holding back
I’m holding it in
I’m holding on
I’m holding it together

I’m holding on by a thread
A lot of different thoughts with multiple meanings. Have not written anything in a while so this was nice.
Ian J Caldwell Aug 2020
My eyes.
My eyes are open.
My face it hurts.
My face it floods.

My eyes are open but they don’t see a thing.
My eyes are open but I just can’t see.
My screen burns my face.
My tears burn my face.

My eyes.
My eyes are open.
My face it hurts.
My face it floods.

My eyes are barely open.
My eyes refuse to take it all in.
My face is blank.
My face is covered, wet skin.

My eyes.
My eyes are open.
My face it hurts.
My face it floods.

My eyes want rest.
My eyes are so open but it burns with pain and exhaustion.
My face wants rest.
My face is blank and I proceed with caution.

My eyes.
My eyes are open.
My face it hurts.
My face it floods.

My eyes they drain completely...
My eyes they weep...
My face floods with grief...
My face just wants to sleep...

My eyes...
My eyes are open...
Ian J Caldwell Sep 2017
Frustrated is what I am
It's not who I am but it's definitely me at this very second.

Frustrated with this moment
It's not the moment I am in but it's definitely me in the distant past.

I am so done with this over all distinct dictation of how I should be within the realm of this happiness.

.....that didn't come out the way I wanted it too...

I am frustrated.

Frustrated is who I am because that's where I am.
It is me in this moment and it is me wanting more than maybe I deserve.

I'm not sure....I'm probably full of ******* on that last one.

Look....

I've been at this point for so long that I forget what it's like to work for something that makes me happy but I deserve to be happy, everyone does.

I've been missing out and I'm tired of it.

This whole thing makes no sense at all but what does?

Scratch the "but what does?"

This whole thing makes no sense.

I'm just so....what's the word....

Frustrated.
I have no idea, your guess is as good as mine.
Ian J Caldwell Jan 2017
She is always there.
I never have to ask.
She never questions.
I do not always know what to say.
She is always there.

She is always there.
I never know how to fully let it out.
She never pries.
I do not understand how it got to this point.
She is always there.

She is always there.
I will never have her again the way that I need her.
She never abuses my heart.
I need her more and more.
She is always there.

She is always there.
I will never understand why my heart beckons for her.
She never squeezes although she has a firm grip on me.
She is always there.

I have never had to ask her for anything.
I have never had to hide any part of who I am from her.
I have never wanted to let her go again like I did foolishly so long ago.
I have never wished for anyone to be the one harder than I have wished for her.
I have continued to dream of her.
I have continued to breathe the same air she breathes.
I have continued to love her when I know things will likely never reach that point again.
I have continued and continued and have not let go of my hope for what could be for one simple reason...

She.
Is.
Always.
There.
Ian J Caldwell Oct 2016
Why do we view love as being something that's disposable?
Are we that caught up in the pain and the heartbreak that hurts as much when we break one of our opposables?
What are we going to do when the heart gets numb and our mind and our bodies and other parts go dumb, we wouldn't think it's so disposable then.
We'd sit here in our houses like sheep, thinking about the times back in high school thinking about the girl from class that we'd get no sleep.
We'd sit here on the porch and gaze at a streetlight that flickers our every few days.
We'd wish and wish that we could restart it all over and jumpstart our heart, we'd breathing deeply and scream because we know that'll never happen and it hurts too hard.
We'd pace around at our local grocery store and look up an item that triggers memories galore.
When will wake up to this realization and just the world be, these are the crazy thoughts my head keeps spinning, the ones that keep me up you see.
When will we wake up and smile and breathe and take a sip, we can make it further and further if we're willing to take the dip.
Jump into the deep end, get out, and wash it off because love is something like water it simply starts with a drip.
Ian J Caldwell Sep 2016
She is the eternal sunshine that brings life.
She is the warmth, the love, and the light.
She is the beautiful day that holds me together.

She is the eternal sunshine.
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