My life is full of choices I do not want to make,
If they came a little slower, I wouldn’t feel so bad,
But I sometimes feel I’m drowning, when they
Come from every angle, so I really cannot breathe.

My life is full of tricks, that I use to help me cope,
My favourite is my iPod, of which I have a few,
I listen to my music loud, so nothing can intrude,
I just repeat a favourite bar, a hundred times
Or more, it’s like a drug to me because, I need
It all the time, sometimes I forget and bring
It in my bath, which makes the man at Apple
A very happy man, because I need, a new one
Every time, the price I think is small because,
It protects me from all those choices, which
Would simply make me sad, and I can make
The ones I want to make, exactly when I wish.

My life is full of choices I do not want to make,
So I suppose the iPod washing is because, it
Really is my tap, to let some choices in, and stop
The drowning feeling, which too many choices bring.

Time passes in a mystery of minutes and months,
Days and nights a survival of solitude and sleep,
Life and living becomes an unending wait for Now.

Now is just a Technicolor rush of with you again,
But our time together always is impossibly short,
So that leaving you again gets harder every time.

Why is time a new variable with the one I love?
Why are the colours of love so warm for us now?
Why do Cupid’s arrows still draw blood so red?
Why are grey days bright and rainy days soft?
Why after all these years do I feel like this?
Why is time with you in too-short seconds?

If only our love stopped the earth turning,
We could love in a frozen second of time,

Forever.

I was very
Close to death today,
On the road to Cochabamba.
The “too many” sad lines of crosses,
None of them planned to die.
How can you know?
How will I know?
When?
I live each day
As if it is my last,
So that,
When
I come
to the end
of the road,
Unfulfilled desires,
Will not torment me
In the next life, if there is one.

Diamonds of shattered glass sparkle in sunlight,
Grey cobbles contain a memory of past violence,
Was it blood and bone remnants of a car crash,
Or a ***** toast, of a long night of celebration?
Evidence of these past events a glass memory of
Unrecorded pictures, as my feet crunch through,
A brittle history of a Saturday night in Auckland.

Living
On the edge
Of adrenaline
With caffeine
No sleep.

Torture team
Manage manager
Calm customers
Shoot supplier
No sleep.

Fixes fail
Skype saviour
Possible plan
Fanatic focus
No sleep.

Forget food
More madness
Temper tantrum
Solution soon
No sleep

Rock & roll
Back broken
Problem past
Adrenaline addict
No sleep

Go to bed – write this poem.

Table for one sir, a book my companion for a one-sided conversation
Restaurant conversations buzz around me with intimacies and angst
Pre-movie girlfriends split the bill for a bowl of gelato delightful chat
Spooning in the Italian atmosphere for the price of a McDonalds.


The repro man on my right boasts of dietary prowess to his fat date
On the rack for his gluttony assuaged by the second rack of lamb
Talking at each other I can feel the anguish of ugly gay loneliness
Italian waiters providing comfort in the form of tiramisu temptations.


Life the entertainment on Saturday night alone with ten pages read
A drink talking boy will sleep alone without his now cold girlfriend
Broadcasting life's loves and lies, everyone hears and nobody listens
The opera of living more tragic than Tosca and as brutal as Butterfly.


Rain soaked spirits sink on a trudge home to a lonely king-sized bed
Goodnight loved one Skyped intimacies a warming blanket of comfort
Sleep sweet dreams before the limousine blacked streets of tomorrow
Nearer to honey sweet kisses and close in my love’s warm bed “hello”.

Snow at last, at minus ten New York wears its winter skin
Homeless escape the streets to the subway train warmth
Animal-house comments from shallow breathing commuters
Shocked smiles from startled stockbrokers and secretaries.

Slip-sliding on sidewalks, fills my shoes with slosh of slush
Hands reach out to hold falling commuter - ouch, thanks
Buzz in Bull and Bear bar, smiles as Russian détente provides
An expensive warm bed for drink-confident conference Adonis.

My girl is far away but close, reading my History of Love
I see her smile that “I want to spend a lifetime discovering”
Valentines’ hearts abound, nervous dates in fancy restaurants
Incompatible to all but each other, tense jazz in the Red Eye.