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:/
kaela Sep 2019
:/
alone.
heart made of stone.
nothing but a pile a bone,
no longer alive.
kaela Jan 2022
being a statistic doesn't sound like such a bad thing anymore.
it's always been about numbers;
your weight,
your age,
your height,
your grades.
we're all numbers.
always compared to unrealistic standards.
always held to unrealistic expectations.
maybe being a number isn't so bad;
maybe then i'll be happy,
partying it up with peep and cobain.
maybe, just maybe, i'll be enough.

i'm sorry.
kaela Jan 2022
paint me your beautiful masterpiece,
fill me with your wonderous colors;
covering every inch until i'm complete.
no part left untouched,
every side a different view.
abstract lines and colorful hues.
i want to do it with you.

love is a work of art.
kaela Apr 2020
she had an aching soul.

the smiles she held on her cheeks,
never met her eyes.

her eyes held the tears,
that would always fall down her cheeks.

she had an aching soul,
and was waiting for someone to heal it.
kaela Jan 2021
Can we go back to when you were a little passed down the street?
To where I didn’t have to catch a plane
Every time I wanted to meet.

A little passed down the street,
Not too far but not quite close enough.
Memorizing the way to get there,
Just to feel your touch.

Even if it was only for a bit,
A small touch and kiss here and there,
Was better than what we have now to compare.

1,400 miles is too far.
So far that I can’t feel your touch,
Struggling to feel your love.
I know it’s there, I just wish to be reminded.
I’m searching, please help me find it.

Please come back to being a little passed down the street.
kaela Dec 2020
blue eyes,
dark hair.
don't you know
it's not fair.

lead me on,
then drop me there.
pick her instead
because you don't care.

pick her up
in your blue truck,
i know you chose her
cause she'll let you ****.

coming back?
good luck.
cause when you come back
you'll be awestruck.

i don't need you
just like you didn't choose me.
i'm the baddest *****
all my friends agree.

time to say goodbye
cause all you do is lie.
you lead me on,
and did me wrong,
but boy we both know
it was i you needed all along.
kaela Dec 2020
your loving arms,
your tender touches.
your affectionate kisses,
your warm hugs.
your smooth skin,
your beating heart.
your fond eyes,
your caring smile.

all these things and more
are all the reasons why
i love you.
kaela Nov 2020
Do you even talk about me anymore?
Do you still feel the way you used to?
Cause ever since the first time you walked out the door,
It feels like it wasn’t you
Who came back in.

There’s another one creeping in,
Behind you so you can’t see.
It’s like I’m trapped between the two
Choosing for you or for me.

I don’t know where we stand anymore,
Or even if we’re together.
It’s just awkward with you standing in the door,
I don’t know which choice is better.

Choosing you,
Or closing that door for now.
Cause I’m caught between the two,
And i just want to find my way out.
kaela Jul 2021
you ask me to run,
i ask how far.

you ask me to climb,
i ask how high.

you ask me to swim,
i ask how deep.

you ask me to jump,
i ask what to yell on the way down.

i’d do anything and everything,
just to prove my love to you.
kaela Jul 2020
I was doing good,
Maybe great even.
I was smiling,
I was happy,
I had a little fun.

Then you said it.
Said that it destroys,
That it breaks,
And compared it to drugs.

You have never truly been in love.
When in love, it doesn’t break,
It doesn’t destroy,
The high you get
Is incomparable to drugs.

You ruined it.
With those words,
With that comparison,
You have ruined my night.

Are you happy now?
I am sad with you,
I am crying with you.
I feel done, all because of you.

You triggered something
that shouldn’t have been.
You started something
That could’ve been avoided.

I am sad with you,
I am crying alongside you,
I am just as done as you.
So let me ask you this:
Are you happy now?
kaela Nov 2019
if i could fall
into a deep sleep
would you be there
when i awaken?

would you hold my hand
and tell me that
everything that was shaken
is now solid?

tell me that
this was all some sort of magic trick
and now all the problems have disappeared?

i wish it was that easy.
but even then, would you still be there with me?
kaela Mar 2020
it's been a minute
since i felt his touch.
since i kissed his lips.
since i've had him in my embrace.

i miss him.

it will be a minute
since i'll feel his touch again.
since i'll kiss his lips again.
since i'll have him in my arms again.

i can't wait until then.
to feel his hands in mine.
to feel his soft lips as he kisses me.
to feel his embrace.

i miss him.
kaela Sep 2019
if i could turn off the switch labeled "love",
i'd turn into a black dove.
with feathers of black,
and a heart of stone.
just sitting up on the power lines all alone.

that's all i feel.
i hope that this isn't real.
that it was just a delusion
and this is not the final conclusion.

can we go back and read it again,
or maybe find a different end?
cause i don't like the one you chose,
but maybe you do, i suppose?

or maybe you don't,
and you're just lying.
because, you see my friend, i want to keep trying.

no one likes a liar.
nor what they're hiding.
so please tell the truth
and say this isn't the one you're deciding.

if you want a different ending
please change the signals you're sending.
because i will keep on fighting,
and this poetry i will keep writing.

it may be about you
but if not, it's still true.
and the feelings inside me,
hopefully,
are the ones that set you free.

because from what i can tell,
you are under a spell;
and i don't have the answer,
but whatever it is,
it's spreading like a cancer.

change the signals on the power lines
because those aren't the ones i like at all,
please, because if not,
it's from the power lines that i fall.

and i'll hit the ground,
and my body will ache.
because the choice you made,
might not be the one you were supposed to make.
kaela Sep 2019
bring me you
when I'm sad and upset
bring me your blue eyes
that i always seem to get
lost in.

bring me that smile
that I never want to erase
from my memory.
bring me you
please don't make me chase.
bring me you
and your unforgettable face.
kaela May 2021
You asked me who broke me first.
My throat becomes dry, but not from thirst.
The words catch in my throat,
The tears sting my eyes.

Not because of all the men
In my life that have beaten my heart in,
But because I’m on a boat
Floating across a stream of your lies.

The broken and empty promises you said that you would keep,
Are all turned to tears as you watch us weep.
I remember them all too well
The ones you made when you were half drunk.

We sit here with streams of tears falling from our eyes.
They weren’t that hard to keep, if only you’d have tried.
You think it’s because I fell
And to the depths of despair I’ve sunk.

Oh, how wrong you would be,
And it’s really a pity.
Why can’t you see the reason we’re all broken,
Stands in the mirror before you?

So take this as a lesson,
Maybe a gift or present.
Til your death you’ll carry this token
That not only am I broken, but she is too.
kaela Jun 2020
lets go back
to the time when it was easy.
to the time when you had your arms around me,
not really caring what our parents were talking about,
only caring that you were hugging me.

lets go back
to the time when it was loving.
to the time when we were walking through the store,
playfully pushing and pulling and shoving,
and having fun while your mom shopped.

lets go back
to the time when we enjoyed it.
to the time when we were watching the movie,
cuddling on the couch,
not paying any attention to the film, only what we were doing.

lets go back
to the time when we were happy.
to the time when we first hung out,
i stole your hoodie and you kissed me,
and then you asked if you could be with me.

lets go back
to the time when we were together.
to the time when what she said about us, didn't matter.
when we could do whatever,
back when we were together.

can we go back?
kaela Sep 2019
not sure how i feel
or what i should say
haven't written in a while
maybe it's the way
you make me feel.

feels like nothing is real
like it's all a dream;
with you i have a reason to live
so i can stay longer and have more to give.

and you are the lantern
your light all aglow.
can i take you for a while?
is it too selfish of me to borrow
you just long enough to make me smile,
because it's been a while
and i miss it.

but then again,
to think about it
you're my missing piece
and perfectly together is how we fit.

you make me feel like i'm floating,
like a butterfly
not really sure why.
i just know that there are fireflies
dancing around my head
and the thought that i'd be better off dead
is long gone.

so i'll keep chasing the fireflies
floating higher and higher with my wings.
breaking all the ties
i have left to the ground.

i'll keep floating with my wings,
and hope that what tomorrow brings
will make me happy
because of the things
you do.

i like this feeling
it makes me have a sense of meaning,
please don't take it away
sit with me and promise that you'll stay
because if you walk away....

i will no longer have meaning
and see no purpose of having tomorrow,
if all it will bring me
is pain and sorrow.

i will no longer float on my wings
the fireflies will be gone.
i will fall onto much harder things
like the fact that you have completely moved on.
kaela Nov 2020
The only color I knew was red.
You were my yellow.
Now all that’s left is purple.
kaela Feb 2023
I used to be strong
but I'm not anymore.
I need to find land
but its harder to search for
I want to feel safe
but I'm stuck bleeding on the floor.

old comforts are my safe house
they always helped when I was alone.
I can feel myself dragging through the motions
slowly crippling myself and turning to stone.
constantly checking my notifications to see if you're there,
only to be reminded that I'm on my own.
kaela Apr 2020
there are people
who like complete control.
controlling every little thing,
every little detail.

their children,
they hate it.
having every friend chosen
down to the last shared interest.

their friends,
they can't stand it.
having everything be up to their choosing
every decision made without comment.

their acquaintances,
they don't care.
they choose to walk away from these people
and never dare
to speak to them again.

don't let people control you.
you give them that power and you're done for.
once they get a small taste of control,
they'll be begging you to give them more.
kaela Nov 2020
I’m talking to multiple people,
Trying to fill the void you’re leaving.
Slowly growing more and more,
Deeper and deeper it becomes.

The people aren’t working,
Your actions are deceiving.
Just go on and walk out the door,
We both know your feelings for me are no more.

The void will never be filled,
It will continue to grow
And I think we both know
Why.

These people aren’t you,
And that’s the problem.
The only question is,
How do we solve it?
kaela Jan 2021
Forever,
Three words,
Two hearts,
One home.

I could count to a million,
but no number could describe how much you mean to me.
kaela Apr 2021
i need to see you,
i need to hug you,
i need to hold you,
i need you to remind me why i’m alive,
i need you to give me reason again.

i’m desperate and all i need is you.
kaela Sep 2019
too much stress and way too many feelings,
crowding up my head and I can't think clearly.
no one knows what's going on,
no one seems to see that something's wrong.

I wish I had someone that could see this,
see everything that happens and see how I'm treated.
but no one can come and see,
what happens and how they treat me.

I can talk and talk about it all day,
but no matter what I say,
nothing ever goes my way.

I seem to be no help at all,
and to make everything worse.
I may seem like I'm small,
but trust me,
I can **** up the universe.

It's happened before,
a year and a half ago to be exact.
but i'm getting more tired and tired,
and it's getting harder and harder to put on the act.
kaela Sep 2019
2 years
730 days
thought those 8 letters would be enough.
kaela May 2021
you told me secrets,
you shared your songs.
we laughed and talked
all night long.

we spent days together
in the chilly weather,
holding each other to keep warm.

then one day,
a storm came,
crashing and burning everything built.
nothing would be the same.

the memories are now flashbacks,
to things that are no longer.
i wish you'd be ready,
and you wish i'd be stronger.

i'm standing on the fading line
between being enough and not.
it is here that i teeter totter,
you decide on which side i stop.
kaela Jul 2021
falling in love with you
is like cliff jumping into the ocean.
falling into the depths within;
sinking so deep, forgetting i could swim.  

falling in love with you
is like sitting by a campfire.
holding me in your arms
as the warm flames reached higher.

falling in love with you
is like sitting and counting the stars.
each one having more meaning than the last;
connecting a map taking us all the way to Mars.

falling in love with you
is like blasting music and driving fast.
singing out of key and loosing our voices;
both of us wanting these moments to last.

falling in love with you is memorable.
and these memories are mine to keep forever.
kaela Sep 2020
when i close my eyes,
i see that you and i are together again.
you're wearing your flannel, khakis, and your boots.  
we're walking in a field,
pumpkin or corn.
i don't bother to care which.

when i close my eyes,
i hear the sound of your voice talking to me again.
you're saying something about my eyes,
and how beautiful they look in the light of the sunset.
i don't bother to care;
i'm too lost in yours.

when i close my eyes,
i smell your cologne drifting through the wind.
my favorite one that you wear,
because you know that i love it.
i don't bother to care about the chill
the wind has brought.

when i close my eyes,
i feel the warmth of your side against mine.
i feel the warmth of your hand in mine.
i feel the warmth you bring my soul,
incomparable to the hottest days of summer.
i don't bother to care about the vines
brushing against my jeans.

when i close my eyes,
i taste the mint of your breath
from the gum you were chewing.
i taste your tongue against mine
as we stop in the middle of the trail,
entwined in kissing one another.
i don't bother to care that everyone is looking,
watching the two of us fall deeper in love with each other by the second.
fall is my favorite, but fall with you is even better <3
kaela Sep 2019
hide them away,
and don't let them show.
for today is not the day,
but it may be tomorrow.
not sure when the right time is
to show you.
kaela Sep 2019
holding you in my embrace
i feel my heart begin to race,
and i know that you feel it too.

a blush slowly creeps up in my face
the rest of the world seems to dissipate...
i'm not sure what to do.

i want to hold you forever
and i promise to never
let you fall.
kaela Nov 2019
ever since they left me,
i haven't been the same.
i've been trying to heal,
but all i feel is the pain.

the pain from the heartbreak,
and the pain from the hurt.
but also the pain from the thoughts
of how i did it first.

this happens on Friday nights
when my chest gets all tight
and my stomach doesn't feel quite right
and the tears fall from my eyes.
these Friday nights.
kaela Jul 2021
Growth isn’t a dependence
about where you’ve come.
But instead a dependence of
just how far you have.
kaela Apr 2020
he had the healing soul.

the smiles he held on his cheeks,
always met his eyes around her.

his eyes held the feeling of empathy,
that would always be there for her.

he had a healing soul,
and was waiting for her to let him heal hers.
kaela Dec 2019
trapped in my head
thinking too much
will i be better off dead?
and things of that such.

i was in love with you
but maybe not enough.
i didn't want it to be true,
that you broke me and i broke you.

we're both broken
and heartbreak is deadly.
take a piece of me as a token...
let it help hold you steady.
kaela Mar 2020
anger is overpowering.

when anger comes, the party's over.

it's one thing piled on another thing,
and the urge to hide under the cover.

to hide and cry
because the anger you feel
doesn't feel right.

hide and cry
because the anger
wants to stay the night.

hide and cry
because the anger
makes you feel bad.

hide and cry
because the anger
only makes you feel mad.
kaela Jan 2021
he talks in songs.
the music says the words he can't put together.
he sends them to her,
hoping she'll understand.

he breathes in notes.
each breath being longer than the last.
holding out the note of song
until eventually it becomes the next.

he loves in waves.
the love he shows is deeper than the seven seas.
his love is stronger than any other
unable to be counted by the grains of sand.

he protects through walls.
builds the walls higher and higher
with each passing person.
protecting not only himself but those he loves.

he hurts in lines.
the lines of his poems holding more hurt
than that of the lines on my skin.
he hurts himself by pushing others away.

he cares more than books.
the words of all the books ever written,
still not enough to express how much he cares.
only filling a quarter of his kindness.

no one can compare to him.
kaela Sep 2019
wish it was easy,
moving on that is,
because now i've lost my home
and that's a feeling only you can give.

you are my home,
i've said it all before.
you were my home,
but you are no more.

you still care
and that's what hurts the most.
cause i can't leave
and bring this to a close.

what happened in the past,
that's my fault i'll admit.
and i never apologized
for giving you all that ****.

you gave up on me
that's what it feels like.
you keep moving forward
and i'm being left behind.

you still claim to love me
i wish it was a lie.
i'm ignored when around you
and i'm not sure what to do.
kaela Jun 2021
you’re a hopeless romantic
and I’m tired of
you being dramatic
because I’m not in love.

I was at once
but not anymore
so turn off the light
and shut the door.

It’s time to move on.
I thought of this in the shower lols
kaela Nov 2020
Who knew that poison was carried
By the one you trusted most?
Who knew that strength was varied
By the amount of poison given?

The compliments made me weak,
The “I love you”s poison.
My voice hurts too much to speak,
And there are tear stains down my cheek.

Who knew that “I love you”
Was filled with thorns,
And wore a tail and horns?
kaela Nov 2019
i need a hug,
not a false side one.
a really long one.
one in which i just disappear from the world.

nothing else will matter.
not the fact that me and you
have both moved on and found someone new.
i need one so tight
that i can feel my bones being crushed and pressured
until they s h a t t e r .

until
i
see
nothing
but
a
black
screen.

because all of what i've seen
is pain and hurt.
people fall and are pushed to
instantly get back up and brush off the dirt.

let's hug.
until
we
both
disappear.
kaela Jul 2020
You did this,
and you did that.
But silly you,
I didn’t ask.
kaela Oct 2019
the sky is blue
just like her eyes
i have to stop telling myself
all of these lies.

“nothing’s wrong”
“i’m fine”
i say these lies
all the time.

honestly
that’s not true at all.
and truthfully
i have no idea what’s wrong.

i wish i could explain it to you
and tell you the truth
but how can i explain it to you
when i don’t know the truth?
kaela Sep 2019
they tell me you care
and you were always there.
anytime i needed you
you were there to help me through.

i'm trying to stay
but now you're walking away
at a faster pace
then i can face.

you're pretending
that you can't see me.

you're pretending
that i'm not here.

if you keep pretending
my reality will become what i fear.

i think it's my fault
but i really don't know.
i'm the one that waited two years
to finally let my feelings show.

so now i'm going to take my feelings
and make them really small,
until they don't feel as strong
and they're in a tiny ball.

guess i was a "too little, too late", huh?
kaela Sep 2019
one day,
i will be dead,
and it will be true.
i will sit in a dark cave
thinking of you.

i'll send all my love
and every drop of care.
you may not see me,
but i will be there.

helping you
along the way
each and every
single day.

i will never disappear,
even after i'm gone.
i will still be with you,
from thereon.

i'll be there,
in the whispers you hear.
i will be there
whispering in your ear,
drying every tear
that you shed;
in every poem
that you left unread,
in everything you want to forget,
but i won't let you yet.

i will replace
all the bad.
and put in it's place,
i will put the glad.

the good,
the happy,
replace the ******,
and especially,
put in the sappy.
kaela Sep 2019
you took a few pieces of my heart
and bit by bit
you put it together again.
you make butterflies appear in my stomach,
and when I'm next to you
my head only spins.

you were the glue and tape that held me together,
but i walked away and broke.
you were there for me through whatever
and I can't thank you enough.

so instead of saying thank you
over and over again.
I decided that I would write you a poem
that goes a little something like this:

I love you
I love everything about you
and that's not going to change.
no matter who, what, when, or where,
I promise you that I am always going to be there.

by your side
in your heart
and holding your hand.
your the only one I want,
the only one I have ever truly had.
kaela Dec 2020
i felt your warmth,
i heard your laugh,
i saw your light,
i smelled your cologne.

now i feel cold,
i hear silence,
i see darkness,
i smell cold air.

you're not here,
i miss you.
kaela Sep 2020
what do you do when your heart is 1,400 miles away
and you long to be closer?
kaela Jun 2021
Based on the ability of how much you’re worth.
kaela Sep 2019
let me hold you,
and hug you
and make you feel safe.
let me be here for you
in this lonely place,

don't worry,
i won't let them see
the tears in your eyes
as they fall from your cheeks and onto me.

i'll protect you
even with me being small.
i'll protect you
and i won't let you fall.

i promise to always be here
and i will make it clear,
that you are loved,
and above
all the others here.

i will be right here.
i am right here.
i do not plan to leave.
i am with you until the very end,
or shorter.
it will all depend
on if you want me to be.
kaela Dec 2020
you were there with me,
in my dreams
making me laugh until my belly ached.

you were there with me,
in my dreams
which i wish were true when i went to wake.

you were there with me,
in my dreams
holding my hand and walking with me.

you were there with me,
in my dreams
you driving and i in the passenger seat.

you were there with me,
in my dreams
as a warning to stay away.

you were only there with me,
in my dreams
as a red flag of betray.

you aren't here with me,
in my dreams
for i have given you up.

you aren't here with me,
in my dreams
because you're using me as backup.
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