Because I never got to say goodbye
This letter is all the reasons and feelings I kept inside.
I took for granted our youth and the promise of tomorrow.
Now every day I am drowning in this sorrow.
I thought you would always be there, always care, always listen, always be my shoulder to lean on.
I never imagined in the blink of an eye you would be gone.
This is the hardest letter I have ever had to write,
I just hope you know my heart even though you are no longer in my sight.
Every moment that became a memory is so very precious to me.
Even though our time together on this earth was short, I will cherish every laugh, every smile
every sweet word you gave to me.
The time we spent in Virginia was like heaven to me.
Walking hand in hand.
Laughing, talking, sharing, embracing, kissing
The rest of the world ceased to exist.
Or the walk through the park as you put your arms around me to keep me warm.
Or Sunday afternoon having coffee and conversing for hours.
You gave me hope and another way to view this cruel world.
You gave me strength to finally stand up for myself,
even though I never told you .
You brought out the best in me.
My world is so much darker without your light.
You had the kindest heart.
I will miss you always and I pray that I can hold the memories of you
like a movie in my mind to play over and over until we meet again.
Know that you took a piece of my heart with you.
I love you Jonathan. And I will hold that love in my heart until my days on this earth have ended.

How he feels about me
   Old conversations
      Embarrassing moments
         Depressing moments
           Family
             School
               Poetry
                 Future plans
These thoughts constantly set up sleepless nights

What once was a smile
Has faded to pain
With wrinkles and lines
And clouds filled with rain

Wishing our lives
had been so much more
Than pain and regret
And walking the floor

Now loneliness fills
every room and hall
With echoes of goodbyes
that shadow the walls

Not looking back
To what once was okay
Now with a focus
Of turning away

We dare not speak
Lest it should finally end
Trying to salvage
What might have been

your lips touch mine, a simple revelation
that begins a revolution
walls crumble
guards stumble
as you fumble for the key
you open me and see
that I am no longer who I used to be

you found the door
that leads straight to my core
and because of you I can love like never before

so now that I’ve moved on from all that has been
I plead to you, baby, kiss me again

I sit and watch you with tears in my eyes
Nothing I can do for you, I can’t tell you why
You sit in sadness and say you love her, you miss her
And I know nothing I do will ever be enough for you.
All she gave you was not what you deserved
Yet you wish you got more, you’re so blind to me
As I sit on the sidelines with no voice of my heart
I want to give you the things that you need
Be anything that you ask me to be
You say I’m so perfect, so flawless, so beautiful
Then why won’t you choose me?
You sit and cry at the past
While I’m here wanting to be your future
But that doesn’t matter to you
Because she was all you ever needed.
I sit and cry at night, it’s too much to bare
To love with all my heart when you’re not there
I want to give you everything that I have
But I know that I’ll never be what you want.
This doesn’t matter anyway, like I have a chance
Like you would care for me and ask for a dance
But I’ll be here anyway incase you need a shoulder
I’ll stick around and just act like your soldier
Because that’s all I’ll ever be to you.
I’ve found my fairytale, you’re my prince charming
But the only flaw to this story is I’m not your princess.
I’ve stopped wishing on stars
They won’t work anymore
It’ll just keep reminding me of what I can never have.
If you ever wanted me too, well isn’t that a laugh
And I try to make you happy every day
However you want.
The people writing the saying missed out the part that says
It will hurt
Because love truly is the slowest form of suicide.
It hurts to make you happy
Because I know I’m not needed, not wanted
But never again shall I find another quite like you.

Take your heavy hand
And reach into my chest.
Break the skin
And tear my ribs apart.
When you find my heart,
Don’t stop.
Dig your fingertips into
The deepest ventricle
And pull to the surface
All my insecurities.
Every
Single
One.
Leave none behind
As it will not be able
To fester
Like the others;
As it will not be able to
Turn my eyes
Black
To the world;
As it will not be able to
Spark the fire
That needs to
Burn
My
Flesh
So that you may
Feed.
So that you may feed
Off my fallen tears
And the contaminated blood
That peaks your arousal.
And when you are full,
Toss my body aside
With no “thank you”
On your tongue
And move on
To the next.
But before you go,
Know,
That I would do it
All over again.