The rain makes your
veins look like
dark black bra straps
underneath a veil of Topshop sale items-
the bangles were bought elsewhere.
Though it's not their size that worry me,
it's what look lives within your eyes
every time you run a finger up your arm
and back down your arm again;
the charm in your slightly curling autumn leafed smile
curls a little more, turning smooth lakeside skin
into Nile-esturay wrinkles that say save me Tim.

Your red delta cheeks pulsate
in the late afternoon sun coming in on
a diagonal through the newly installed,
doesn't quite close properly, velux window;
you ran through fields only
to end up teary eyed in the kitchen
doorway threshold.

But here, here is where your river 
meets my sea, and turbulent tides
swell up to ferry us away to new coastline
continents:
forget we ever swimmed and swam,
poured sand from our shoes,
held hands and ran, and
forget we held hips on train station steps,
shared lips, left and then hid.

*When you see this you'll know it's an apology

snakes get a new skin
every one
two
three months

we get one every
one
two
three
four
five
six
seven years

in five year's time
i'll have a skin
you never
touched

and i'll still probably
be conflicted
on how i feel
about that.

We always dreamt of
one day seeing the morning rays
peek through the blinds and
watching the emerald green leaves
go with the wind.
Watching one of us take deep breaths
during our slumber.
Admiring each other until your fingers
locked with mine. For so long,
this seemed to be just words, and then
it came to be.
*82413

Sometimes I am unstoppable.
Sometimes I am so easily defeated.

I know that I try but I am no hero,
that's for sure.
I know that I run  before I can walk,
let alone stand still.

And I have seen very simple men have a firmer stance in sand,
than I have on rocks.

Those cuts on your wrist,

They don't let the demons out,
They let them in.

And when you say you don't need to be saved,
I know that's just your burden talking.

Because when I'm with you,
I can see you crave life,
I can see you crave love,

So I'm begging you to stop pouring out the blood that pumps directly from your heart.
Doesn't your love grow out of the same spot? Are you leaking out some of that precious substance too?
I'm begging you to stop slicing your skin, still tender and young, and dripping out all of the life that you have left.
Your life is not a poison to be ****** out of the veins. It is a gift, won't you cherish it and preserve it until your real last breath?    

So please, keep your veins sealed,
keep the blood, the love, the life in.

Open up your heart instead, let me talk to you, let her caress you, let God embrace you.
Open up your mouth instead, say a prayer, and finally let the real healing begin.

I want to love,
Unconditionally.
I want to love,
Uncontrollably.

Loving others deeply to show what the cross means to me.
Love and the gospel do not live separately,
they are rooted in the same rock, they are a vine from the same tree.

And I want to show what Jesus has done for me.
Even though there is S I N written across my face,
When you look upon me, because of that cross, you will only see G R A C E.

A true love like His, when He cried out, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do".
Jesus, give me your eyes and teach me how to love like You.

I want to love,
Unconditionally.
I want to love,
Uncontrollably.

We never had a sexless fantasy.
A bond so unreal.
I have seen your body naked,
no clothes underneath those sheets.
Your purest form.
I let you get more
than a glimpse of me.
You took in all of me. To take your
smooth palm and caress my curves,
I have never been so comfortable.
Our bodies needed each other.
Our souls were destined to meet.

It has been a long time since we've spoken,
since we touched.
No romance, no lust.
You are, now, a stranger
to me. Being
in each other's presence
feels like meeting for the first time.
I used to
be able to
look in the mirror and see
you -- with me.
I am, now, left to wonder
when will be the next time
we meet.
*82413

My most powerful emotions,
locked away in a room that no one can enter
but me. Privacy.
I threw away the key.
I tried
pouring them into the lake one evening,
one, by one. But they continued to follow me
like my shadow that appears on every single wall
that I see. I tried to
bury them along with the seeds I planted in the garden.
They continued to follow me.
Every time I looked in the mirror,
I tried to
copy and paste the facade I let the world see.
I wanted to make it permanent,
but that was impossible. So I
locked them away in a room that no one can enter
but me.
I threw away the key.
I needed privacy.
*82413