Try to be strong as your world crumbles

Try to be strong when no one cares about you anymore

You don’t have anything they want

Try to be strong because they decided you are a waste of time

Try to hang on to your sanity when nothing is going you way

Turn your depression into anger when the few remaining bloodsuckers want what is left of you.

Make them never forget you.

As we lay in bed
I know we aren’t going to do it tonight
I can feel your hate
You don’t say anything
You don’t lie close to me
You’ve turned the other way
It’s been almost a year
Why are things going at this pace?
Now what?
Is it my job?
Am I not where I should be on your plan?
What is your plan?
I’ve never said no
I’ve let you spend all the money
You constantly plan all our weekends
This *****
What am I doing here?
I can’t sleep
I feel like getting out of bed and watching more T.V.
But I will be exhausted in the morning if I do that.
I could turn on Skinemax
Then ******* and then come back to bed
Why can’t we get it on?
What is wrong now?
Should I buy you some jewelry?
I’ll have to put it on a credit card.
We had *** when I bought you that bracelet
We didn’t have *** when I took you out to dinner
When you’re happy you don’t seem to want to do it.
You don’t ever do it on Fathers Day or my Birthday
Are you gay?
Is it a chore?
You moan like you like it
Is that just an act?
Are you done with *** now?
Why am I here?
What’s in it for me?
Nothing.
Nothing.
Nothing.
You are like a roommate
I had a roommate in college
That was pretty fun
We drank a lot more beer
And BBQ’d a lot more
He didn’t care if I left my shoes in the living room
I didn’t care if there was no dinner
I just ate out.
What’s in it for me?
Why am I here?
Are we now just roommates?
Let me know because now I can date
I won’t be going over to see you mother’s anymore
My weekends will belong to me.
Why do I feel sad?
You don’t seem sad
You’re now sound asleep
I’m going to get out of bed put on the T.V.
And then ******* and go to sleep
Why am I putting up with this?
Why do I have to get my kicks from a movie?
I have a wife
I should have to live this way?
Why am I here?
Am I too lazy to leave?
Am I kidding myself that this can still work?
How much longer can this go on?
If I met someone else would this happen again?
Leaving seems complicated
A bullet to my brain seems easier
Am I brave for staying?
Am I a ***** for not leaving?
Will I get a medal for surviving?
I think I am a *****

Two dogs wrestling on my couch
Yelping and squealing
Barking and yelping
Please stop
I can’t hear the T.V.
I can’t hear my thoughts
Now they hear something outside
They run to the window and start barking
I get up to let them out
They keep barking
Now they want back in
The danger is gone
I let them back in
They jump on the couch again
Yelping and squealing
Wrestling and barking
I can’t think
I can’t hear
“Go Outside”
I put them outside again
The jump on the glass
They want back in
I tell them no
They see me
They bark for me to let them in
I get up again
And let them in
I tell them not to bark
They run around the room
Where was I?
What show was I watching?
Why Why Why?
They jump on the couch next to me
They yelp and bark and squeal
They are playing
I am stewing
I am exhausted
Should I put two dogs to sleep?
Should I just **** them to get some rest?
They calm down just in time to save their lives.
Now they both sit on me
I pet one and feel guilty for my thoughts
The other one gets jealous
He scratches my arm
I'm bleeding
I’m going to get rid of both of them
I get up and give them a dog snack so the leave me alone
They take the dog snack
I sit back down
Where was I?
They eat the dog snack
They come back to me.
They jump up on the couch.
I yell, “GET DOWN!”
They look at me.
I change the channel
They go away.
Now I have to get up and use the bathroom
AAAAGGGH!
I go
I come back
They are on my couch.
I sit down with them
They hear something outside
They run to the door
One jumps across my lap and steps on my *****
I’m going to **** them
I let them out.
They start running and barking.
I get my wallet
I am going to the bar
After a few drinks I will **** them
I come home
Hours later
They are happy and excited to see me.
I love them.

You are sitting on the couch
Watching Television
You’re playing a game on your cell phone
When the dog’s ears perk up.

She’s Home

The dog runs to the front door
She opens it and comes in.
She has dinner in her arms.
“Do you need any help?”   “Gee thanks, I got it”, She replies sarcastically.

She’s Home

You go back to your game
Try and listen to the television
“What have you been doing since you’ve been home?”
Like She doesn’t know

She’s Home

You ignore her
“What have you been doing since you’ve been home?”
“I just got here.”
“The trash needs to be thrown out.”

She’s Home

You get up off the couch
Pause your game
Suddenly the old T.V. show you were half watching becomes very important.
“let me get that for you.”

She’s Home

She has brought Chinese Food.
It smells good.
You take out the trash
Come back in and your plate has small portion on it.  I guess you are being put on a diet.

She’s Home

You go to the fridge and get a beer.
“Do you want one dear?”
“No I don’t”, She snaps
This is going to be a fun dinner

She’s Home

“I need your help around this house”
“Yes I know”
“Well it doesn’t seem like it, I find you sitting on the couch playing a game and watching T.V.”
This is what she does.

She’s Home

You think to yourself.
Take off your skirt and blouse.
Leave your ******* on but pull your ***** out of your bra
Then come over here and **** my ****.

She’s Home

She is still rambling away.
C’mon let’s get it on.
She keeps on talking
You were starting to get hard now you’re shrinking fast.

She’s Home

She lays a guilt trip on you
So you clear off the table.
wash your cereal bowl from the morning.
The kitchen looks pretty nice now that

She’s Home

You think about ******* her again
You like the way she dresses for work
She comes out of the bedroom in baggy sweats and big t-shirt.
Oh no

She’s Home

She watches your show for about 30 seconds
“what else is on?”
Let’s pay per view ****
“put on whatever you want”

She’s Home

She changes the channel to something stupid.
Who the hell is this woman?
What have you done?
You’re not free you are trapped
She’s Home

You need ***.  
You get closer and put your hands on her shoulders.
You start to massage her shoulders.
“I think the dog needs to go out.”

She’s Home

You get up off the couch take the dog outside.
Why did you do this to yourself?
You just want to relax.
You think about going to the bar but….

She’s Home

The dog is done you bring him in.
You ready to take charge.
Tell her to get into the bedroom NOW!
She’s on the phone to her mother.

She’s Home

Another night like this
Maybe you should go to the gym
Maybe you should get a hobby
You would love to be playing poker right now.

She’s Home

Ah….. if you were single.
All the trips you would be on.
Ski trips, Las Vegas turn-arounds, golf outings.
Jet setting to Europe and Asia to check out the local scene.

She’s Home

Go online get a price on that Motorcycle.
Where is your surfboard?
You should take Guitar Lessons.
“Can you get me some water?”

She’s Home

You’re bored you try and keep yourself busy.
You play your game, flip through a magazine.
Why Why Why
Waiting for the time to go to sleep.
She says she’s tired
You follow her to bed
You ravish her.  
She loves it
It’s over that quickly.
You’re happy …..

She’s Home.

Invited to a party
To another good time
How about a Coke and Bacardi
With a twist of lime

So many problems on my mind
Keep quiet have a good time
Just keep it together unwind
I’m sure I’ll be fine

How are things they all ask?
Things are great I say
Wearing my smiling mask
Why is life kicking my ***?

Have a drink do a shot
Trying not to talk to big shots
Overhearing about all they got
One day I will be on top.

Listen to them talk
Why won’t they just stop?
Look at that chick she’s hot
I wish she would **** my ****.

When will I catch a break?
Have a drink and be fake
Oh for Pete’s Sake
How much more can I take

Must converse and be polite
Rather hit a bar and start a fight
Where’s the food need a bite
Keep quiet and don’t gripe

So he says how’s biz?
Oh gee ****
Fine excuse me I have to ****
I wish I had a job like his

They are all nice people why do I wish they’d go to hell
Because my life ain’t doing so well?
Pull it together before someone can tell
Turn on the charm put them under your spell.

No one knows your ills
Tell a few jokes don’t stand still
Relax get them laughing….chill
Tell the one from the office that one kills.

They laugh and giggle that’s why they invited you
You drink and get silly they lap up your spew
You’re a jester and you entertained them through and through
If only they knew
If only they knew
Deep down inside your blue

Everyone says goodbye they had such a good time
You drive home your spirits in decline
Sunday then Monday back to the grind
Please lord show me a sign.

Finally you are at your place
No plans for tomorrow
Just escape the rat race
Close your eyes the room spins what silent sorrow.

He sits on the bench
Cheering his team on
All the time wondering
When will the coach put him in?

His mom and dad look on smiling at him
He knows they will ask why he didn’t play more?
He doesn’t know himself
He will hear the, “you need to work harder” speech

There is a small chance he will do something great
But not really
He only gets to play
When the team has a comfortable lead
Or a starter needs a rest

Sometimes he gets lucky
A starter will upset the coach
And the coach will punish the starter
By letting him, a sub, play longer than normal

Thoughts confront him
What’s worst?
Not playing?
Fine with not playing?
Not fine with not playing?
Playing a little but playing well?
Playing more but playing bad?

He must break free
He must not let the coach, the team, the parents define him
He can’t be pushed aside
He has to be a fighter

The coach is not his friend
He is the enemy
He must convince himself of this
The coach stands in his way
He must stand out and play the game his way
Not the coach’s way
Or else he will be a sub the rest of his life
And all he will have to show for it
Is a pat on the back and job well done comment
And memories of others getting basking in their own glory
While he sits on the bench

Defeated
Depleted
Unseated
And cheated
Then deleted

Hired
Admired
Then fired
Now Tired
And Expired

Unchained
Blamed
Explained
Restrained
And shamed

Quiet desperation
Quiet exasperation
Verbal frustration
Mental desolation
Public isolation

******* ALL

Here I am, no money and hungry again
The last few months have been tough
Money is short again.
I don’t have money to eat out
I should have made a sandwich at the house
But I don’t have any meat just bread
I collected bottles and cans the night before trash day
Late at night so the neighbors wouldn’t see
I turned them into the recycling center
Just to put $7.35 of gas in my car
I made it to the office
When it’s lunch time I just sit at my desk
Pretending I have too much work to do.
I’ve maxed out my credit cards
The office gal asked why I’m not going to lunch
She tells me to take a break.
“Okay you’re right” I say
I go to my car drive around the corner and sleep
I am hungry
When I go back to the office I’ll have more coffee
It wakes me up
I think about borrowing $20 for gas
But I decide I don’t want to
I’ll make it home
I drive back home on empty
My son is home from school
His class is going on a field trip
He needs ten dollars
I write a check I know will bounce
I make rice for dinner he is disappointed.
I told him I forgot to go to store, but I will go tomorrow
I put a lot of salt and pepper in it.
The phone keeps ringing.
We never answer it.  
I tell my son I have to run a quick errand
I have a coin collection my father gave me
I drive to a pawn shop
They give me $60 for it.
Its worth $200.
It will cost me $91.00 to buy it back
I put $10 in my gas tank
I buy some cereal and milk for tomorrow
“Where have you been?”
“Sorry I didn’t think I would be gone so long”
We watch T.V. together
Just three more days
Just three more days until pay day
I’ll just make it.

Can’t get motivated
I have lots of ideas
If only I could get some spare time
If only I had some extra money
Why don’t people understand?
Why can’t they see the opportunity?
Just need a little peace and quiet
Just need a few extra bucks
I've got great ideas.
The book
The movie
The song
The kitchen device
The energy drink
The restaurant
The jacket
The new tool
The time machine
Millions and billions of dollars
Right for the taking
Must stop watching the T.V.
Get up off the couch.
Must tell someone my idea
Why does the dog want to play now?
Go away I’m thinking?
Why do I have to take the kids to a game now?
I’m so close to creating something.
Why Why Why?
We’re going to your mothers now?
I was going to spend all day long in the garage making my million dollar idea happen.
I was going to work on the book tonight.
Can’t you do that?
I need to create
I’m not like other people
I have ideas.
They need to get it down
Hey I was watching that
Don’t turn the channel
My dad had it easy
No housework for him
Mom did it all
Give me a moments rest
I need solitude
I have an idea
I don’t need your negativity
So my ideas are all secrets
But they are million dollar ideas
How do I start?
Who can I share this with?
Why am I different?
I just need a break.
If I didn’t have to work I could spend all my time developing
Inventing
Creating
Contributing
I will show everyone
I am not lazy
Give me the remote
I need everyone to be quiet

Running a business and dying
Hoping a praying there is a check in the mail
Calling and not getting an answer
Checking the mail again and again
Hoping and praying
Nothing came today
Bills are mounting up
If only you could get a loan to cover you through hard times
Things worked before
Now they don’t
Hoping and praying still nothing showed up in today’s mail
Calling another customer but they don’t know when they can pay
Getting an order you can’t fill
Somebody lend me money to cover me
Bills mounting up
Still no money coming in
What’s different?
Why did it used to work?
Who do you blame?
What do you blame, the economy, the government, God?
Hoping and praying, why isn’t the phone ringing?
Why isn’t there any money?
Why can’t I pay my bills?
I should have just stayed at my old job
I should have done nothing
Now I am more in debt
Why must I fail?
Why is it so easy for some?
Begging hoping and praying
Finally a check appears it’s not enough to cover your bills.
You will have to work harder sell more just to break even.
Your trapped you can’t get out
The tax man want’s his cut now
The vendor’s want their money now
They keep calling
And you sit down at your desk
Is this the day I **** myself?
You have a gun
You have rope
You have pills
You can walk off a building
You can walk into traffic
Will you do it?
No! you can suffer more.
You haven’t completely humiliated yourself yet
You are a boxer that can’t lift his arms
And you are being punched in the face over and over again
Punch drunk
Do you fall down?
Do you give up?
Will the next punch **** you?
You don’t get that lucky
Hoping and praying
Slowing dying
You just take a beating over and over again with no end in sight
Why Why Why?
When will it all end?

Out of work
Unemployed
It’s only been 2 days
You’re overjoyed.

Two weeks later
Unemployment check arrives
Much smaller than your pay
How will you survive?

Getting drunk and getting high
Drinking beer in the early afternoon
Watching ESPN and daytime T.V.
Hoping something comes up soon

On the internet looking for a job
Used to drink beer everyday
Times are tough
Not sure you can get the same pay.

Your old lady is asking questions
She is on your case
You tell her not to worry
But she just gets in your face.

You could spend this free time *******
But she’s got her head all messed up
She thinks there is a crisis
Nagging you while you’re down on your luck

She now makes more money than you
She holds all the cards
She tells you what you doing wrong
She likes being in charge.

What could have been a grand old time
Now has turned into an awful bind

You sit there and stew and stew
She can’t keep her mouth shut and lays into you.

She nags and nags and nags
Why don’t you apply over here she brags.

Every time she walks in you let out a sigh
You sink down in the couch and try and hide

She begins to speak you roll your eyes
She can’t give it a rest why why why?

And now she becomes the one you despise
Why can’t she just let sleeping dogs lie?

You have two choices before you.
Get a job or dump her
You know what to do
Chances are she has already made a choice about you.

Did you find a job today?

No but I wrote some poetry
WHAT THE ****?

It’s pretty good
WHAT?
It’s pretty good
**** **** ****!

Something will happen soon
I know it.
NO ******* WAY

Don’t get excited
TURN THE ******* TV OFF!
No I am watching Breaking Bad on Netflix
I finally caught up.

Don’t start with tears
I’m the one out of work
*******, YOU LAZY ***

Babe there is no food here
Can you go to the store?
WHAT THE ****, WHY AM I DOING EVERYTHING?

What happened to women’s lib?
I thought you can do anything a man can do
WE NEED TO TALK

About what?  
You’ve made it in a Man’s world.
You are doing better than I am.
I’m the one out of work.
As more women enter the work force
More men will be forced out.
I’m just one of the casualties.
YOU NEED TO GET A ******* JOB

I wish I could.
Do you want to hear one of my poems?
NO *******?

Who are you calling?
Are you calling your Mom?
Ask her how she is doing?
THE BEDROOM DOOR SLAMS SHUT

I am home alone
I'ts Saturday night
I can do what I want
I have fantasized about this
No wife
No kids
No friends
No one bothering me.
Why do I feel that no one cares about me.
Why am I sad and depressed

The dream
never dies
the dream never dies
it’s in your mind constantly
always reminding you it’s there
“When are you going to accomplish the dream?”
“Quit being a dreamer.”
the dream isn’t simple
the dream is an obsession
it gives you a purpose in life
it’s also your destruction
if you can’t complete the dream
you’ll die
a failure
lonely and broke
everyone will no you were just a dreamer
dumb
foolish
“I told you so”
you wasted your life.