Half empty
Half full
Half dirt
Half blood
Clean shoes
No mud.

Dreaming of your demise
Your pitifully starved body.
You begging for your life,
How funny.

You took mine,
I take yours.
Eye for an eye.
Sores for sores.

I knew that she was trouble
From the moment she walked in
With red hair down just to her waist
And a body built for sin

I'd worked this bar for twenty years
And I knew when I first saw her
That tonight would end in heartbreak
With fists flying with the fur

She knew what she was doing
Didn't even look around
Just walked up to the bar stool
And sat down without a sound
The drinks she did not order
Were poured and on their way
This girl came in for trouble
And now, trouble's on the way

Her shirt was buttoned from the top
Two up , the rest undone
She was looking for a good time
She was here to have some fun

The jeans, well they were awesome
They were tight enough to show
She had four quarters in her pockets
And the rest...I think you know

The girl sat down and pondered
As she sipped on the first drink
I watched her from the shadows
It gave me time to think

Which man would be the first one
To approach and be shot down?
Who would be the lucky loser
To get some tarnish on his crown?

A young man chose to venture
To the bar out from the crowd
She just listened to his proposal
And he stood up then and bowed

He walked back to the dance floor
To his table with his friends
Picked up his coat and left them
You know the message that this sends

Another drink soon followed
And the sender came to flirt
It only took ten seconds
Before she stomped him into dirt

I smiled and watched the players
Enter slow and back off fast
I looked around to check out
Just how long this game would last

The drinks had slowed on down now
Not too many left to try
And from the success rate of the others
It was easy to see why

A little fellow wandered
Through the crowd beside the girl
I thought, I'll watch this one a while
I'd like to see him twirl

He waited for the music
To get loud and then he turned
Into her ear he whispered
And she just looked like she'd been burned

At this point she leaned forward
And she ordered him a beer
I'd never seen her buy one
I thought this very queer

I poured the draft and asked him
How did he get the drink for free
He said "This girl's my daughter"
"And she's coming home with me!!"

(not really a poem, just thoughts)
(This is what I think God would want me to say in this time)
Beloved, listen carefully in these days
There are some who will try everything in their power to get you to stop fighting for what you believe. To get you to forget, and do something you’ll regret.
People will tell you that you cant do what you want to achieve in Me.
They will beat you, spit on you telling you your worthless, and not good enough.
BUT LISTEN to Me, I tell you, forget them. Keep their foolish words as far away from your soul as you can. Because if you listen, they will spiritually destroy you, Beloved, remember what the enemy wants. Division, distruction, and to slowly get you to crawl back to your old ways, and loose sight of Me.
But I say do not dwell In your old ways, throw them to the bottom of the ocean and leave them.
I DON’T CARE ABOUT THE SURFACE, I care about your heart. If you want an encounter from me, be real with me….
PERFECT LOVE CASTS OUT ALL FEAR..
your mouth could be saying yes but your heart….says no… I don’t look at you as people on this earth, only looking at the surface. I care about your heart.
When you have FEAR, it exposes and takes over you and it controls you and makes you lack hope in ME….


Beloved,
There is nothing in this life that I give you, that will be to difficult for you. You WILL go through trials and hard ships to get you to the place were you will listen, it will be hard but if that’s what it takes to bring you to your knees and hear Me, it will only cause you to grow more like me spiritually. Yet I will NOT leave you. Do NOT live your life in fear, of what other people think, don’t live your life striving to be perfect, you will only fall farther and farther into the devils pit of lies.

Two years and counting,
I know it’ll never be the same,
I can’t bring myself to answer your calls, far less for saying your name.

The incident remains unresolved,
In a little box buried somewhere in the abyss of my mind
Like some sort of twisted memory, one that I have resolved to hide.

The thing is, I was never angry at you,
Never cursed you to the depths of your personal hell,
Never so disgusted at the words you spat at me,
I shall cast no blame for me retreating into my shell.

Because it still hurts when I think about it,
When I think about how you thought I didn't care,
When you accused me of not loving you,
When you blamed me for not being there.

And it ***** how it felt like I was forbidden to laugh,
To smile during one of the most exciting times in my life,
Did you know I pushed everything aside for you?
Just to walk with you during your time of strife?

It breaks my heart to know it wasn't enough,
A pain I may actually take to my grave,
My failure to help you may never leave me
And for that I may never be the same.

I still feel guilty, for actions unbeknownst to me.
But I had bitten off more than I can chew,
Couldn't you see, even in my silence?
I was always there, and I would make sacrifices for you?

And I can’t seem to get any reassurance,
From others who tell me that you are wrong
I just keep thinking that I failed you,
Yes, even after so long.

My fault was probably letting you become overly dependent,
And like a fool I was unable to see:
Taking on your battles with such fervor and determination
Exposed my greatest vulnerability.

So I’m here with a festering wound
While you seem to be doing alright,
But believe me when I say, I’m truly happy that you’re doing okay
I’m glad that you've found the light.

Though you apologized on numerous occasions,
So eager to make us right.
I can’t go back there,
I can’t give you back this knife.

Because right now, though I’m happy,
I’ll always be a little sad,
I’ll always worry if I’m making the same mistake,
And second-guessing myself is driving me mad.

You make me want to try a little bit harder,
But give everything up at the same time.
It’s like I can’t find my bearings anymore,
Too long have I imprisoned myself for this supposed crime.

So you see, in the end
My silence was never about you.
It was an attempt to fix myself,
It was an attempt to figure out what I must do.

To find some way to release this guilt,
Just as I have released you,
For both our benefits, to find some way to forgive myself,
Just as I have forgiven you.

I can’t go back to being ‘normal’
Because this is something I’m unlikely to ever forget.
But don’t feel like my actions are writhed in anger
Don’t feel like every memory is tainted with regret.

We can’t meet now, perhaps sometime in the future we will,
But I feel this is for the best,
I have to learn from this experience, I have to move on
And accept the fact that I've put this relationship to rest.

I pray for your continued contentment,
And always the best of health.
But now it’s time I take care of me,
And hope that I can somehow restore my strength.

For all the good times gone before and all the lessons learnt,
I thank you with all my heart, but now I’m ready to go.
I know I’ll find freedom, however long it takes,
Somewhere along this road.

Until then,
Sincerely,
*Me.

My hand is glowing
with another cigarette
The ashtray's overflowing
The bottle meant
to ease my pain
is nearly spent
and I'm still going insane

pockets of paper
and prosthetic  posture:
and
it
all
fell
down.

the ducks were
holding a funeral
out on the marsh
under the sun
silently they stood
while their shadows
moved around them
into darkness