So I was doing some soul searching, n I realized how true the statement is that beauty is only skin deep!  Not many that r beautiful carry that beauty inward, and as they age the outer beauty fades leaving them ravaged with the harshness of time.  It seems that the ones that don't have that outer beauty to begin with radiate it from within, and as time passes the beauty takes form on the outside as well showing how loving time can be to those whom are kind.  Isn't time a beautifully grand punisher and reward giver for those whom deserve!

Don't worry about my heart
No one usually does any how
They use it, abuse it and rip it apart
Why would I expect it to be different now
I don't believe you would know anyway
I could love you like no other could
Because I keep my love locked away
So I know you never would
To keep my heart safe from hurt
To protect it from that stated above
To keep it from being smeared in the dirt
So I march on not knowing love
I do however want to thank you
For a brake from that lonely
It was amazing it's true
But alas I shall always be my one and only.

Cut
Perfect little crimson pearl
Cut
Perfect pretty crimson stream
Cut
Perfect calming crimson trail
Cut
Perfect end to a not so perfect life

Hardened heart n darkened soul
Actually caring takes its toll
I forgot for a moment and let you in
That's was a mistake to begin
**** I'm stupid, why do I try
I just always end up alone to cry
I need to accept I'll always be alone n not to care
Then keep my heart welded right there
High on a mountain no one can reach
Safe from all the pain that wants to leach
But I forgot and I cared and I cried and I hid
I want to yell, "look at what u did"
But I'd alone hear my cries
So let me just hang here with no goodbyes
Because I am alone and always shall be
And caring has been locked away from me

I'm a mom
I have two jobs
It seems I'm working
all the time
If not on the job
on my family
I wouldn't say I'm beautiful
But I have my moments
I wouldn't say I'm smart
But I have my moments
I wouldn't say I'm talented
But I have my moments
I despise drama
But it can't be avoided
I yearn for my soul mate
But that can't b found
Some days I'm depressed
And most days I'm not
I wouldn't say I'm a *****
But I have my moments
I wouldn't say I'm unkind
But I have my moments
I wouldn't say I'm a pushover
But I have my moments
I think everyone is a little of everything
With flecks of nothing
Smeared in greys and blacks
Speckled with rainbows and sun
A little lost
A little found
A best friend
A worst enemy
I wouldn't say I make sense
But I have my moments
I wouldn't say I'm an idiot
But I have my moments
I wouldn't say I know what I'm doing
But I have my moments
Maybe I'm too bossy
Maybe I'm a bad mom
Maybe I'm  A natural born leader
Maybe I'll fail at everything
Maybe one day I'll get it together
Maybe I am doing everything right
I wouldn't say ..........
but I have my moments

I'm sick
I'm sick and I'm dieing
Im all done with the crying
I just want to go home to my God above
Where I can know that unconditional love
No more fighting to survive
No more caring if I'm alive
To b where I know I won't feel such pain
To go where it's all gain
So stop feeling this agony inside
To hold only pride
Thees tears finally dried
Only truths if I had just died

I'm a little  trapped in a moms life
I just want crunchy Cheetos  n a spanking
But I'm stuck playing the wife
With no gratitude or thanking
I want to hide amongst my stuffies n disappear
But I have reality slapping me in the face
I would rather a paddle to my rear
A Daddy to put me in my place
But I'm stuck being the mother
I'm stuck taking it all on alone
I'm stuck with no other
Mindless as a drone
I am stuck being a little in my head
I'm stuck wanting a Daddy to hold
I'm stuck like lead
Knowing I'm so very old

Look into my eyes
You shall see truth
Look into my mind
You shall see reality
Look into my heart
See what you shall
I look into your eyes
I see pain
I look into your mind
I see confusion
I look into your heart
I see a hole
Let me ease your pain
Let me help when u need it
Let fill your heart
My eyes
My truth
My mind
My reality
I give them to you
My heart
Ahh yes
My heart
Well
You can have that too

My demons got my depression in an uproar
My Demons cut me up
My Demons **** my joy
My Demons haunt my dreams
My demons utterly destroy me
My Demons push you away
My Demons always leave me left alone
My Demons they are never truly gone
they run rampant through my life for a while
and then disappear in hibernation
until the next ******-up thing disturbs them
my demons are my demons alone
I fight them silently everyday
My Demons let no one come close
I guess my demons protect me that way