The scent of defeat oozes from my pores
as I lay there motionless and satisfied
My toes are tingling as your hand rests on my hip
My thoughts blank as my mind rests on your heart
What does it feel? What can't you see?

I lay my head upon your chest and assume you imagine it's not me
You see my hair as brown and my heart hopefully unscathed
Am I a filler or a plug, that doesn't let your heart wash down the drain?
Why can't you see me?

My eyes pierce your soul and you look at me like a blank slate
Not worth the time to make something of, yet too scared to throw me away.
My anxious reality won't let you go- what if tomorrow you see me?

I told myself I wouldn't surrender to your breath against the blade of my shoulder,
or the trace of your fingers just above my knee,
but I did
The scent of defeat oozes from the quaking warm shiver you sent through my body
As my eyes gently close and approach a dreamless sleep I pray.
*see me, finally see me

What a peculiar thing
it is to feel
To brush up against
shards of stuff that
hurts much more than
glass
Then sanded off
by warm silk
Smoothed in all
the right places
What a peculiar thing
it is to feel
a burn that is cold
Smoldering on inside
with only one extinguisher
Why are my hands
always in the fire.

Like the sky,
or my bed
Space between
you and me
Sometimes so close
and touching
Sometimes I
do not know
where you are
Press yourself against me
and stay,
finally stay.

a battle well fought
is a battle worth losing
for what we once thrived for
is what makes life worth living
you live for a person then what is your life?
a shadow of nothing or a roll of a dice?
a battle well fought
is a battle worth losing
for if you are my all
and my all has been given
I've lived for a person and tried as i might
love is a war, a struggle a fight
If a war has been summoned and we are now soldiers
my daffodil traded for diamonds and roses
innocence garbaged for vanity and sin
then here is my promise my aching surrender
I will walk to you adorned in white
only to hand you my flag, laceless and bright

I break through
the bars that do
not hold me captive
There were never
chains or bolts
My body free to
fly yet so heavy
to soar
The weighted calmness
of being still has
robbed the independence
in my veins
But with one breath
I take back what was
mine and walk through
the gate that was never
closed.

This is the truth
for I speak nothing
less
Respect is a circle,
square, triangle
Admits my mind
sings for you
but my song
is not loud
Tune is off, key is
not right
(will not turn)
Maybe you are not me?

On the edge of the sea
so deep and blue
Like everything and nothing
like your words and how I read them
Like your wandering eyes,
away from me that is,
until I'm adorned
Adorned in extravagance
then I'm "beautiful"
I found you in the darkness
and that's where we stayed
Stuck in the shadows of after midnight,
tangled up in each other not wanting to let go
Or so it felt
The soft light of morning touched my skin
and now I'm toxic
So until the sun sets again...