they keep asking me about college and i'm laughing because they honest to god believe i want to be trapped in a classroom for another four years.

i was trying to let go of him while we were sitting in the same classroom, or bumping into each other in the dining hall, or sleeping in our separate beds at opposite ends of the campus. but the truth is we were too close. you can't let go of someone when they're so close to you, when you know you could run into them by just walking down the street. knowing i'll never see him again is all at once comforting and terrifying, because i'll always wonder what would've happened if i'd stayed. if we'd always been just a short walk apart.

at 12 am my emotions take a nosedive from static to tragic.