I get this feeling sometimes
In which I just feel like death is just around the corner;
So close,
Almost there.
I get so happy inside,
Finally my time has come.

But the moment never happens.
Because I am trapped here:
I am living in Hell.

Who knows, maybe I already did die.
And I somehow ended up in Hell
Being punished for my sins.

But you know what?
I don't know what i did to deserve this.
Any of this.

Really?
Is the torture really necessary?
Teasing me with small things that may,
At some point in time,
Make me happy.

Then taking it away from me,
Until i am left there,
Empty, worthless, broken.
I already don't want to be here.

Can you at least tell me what I did?
What I did to deserve all of this
Hatred, anger, towards myself

God help me.
If there even is a God
God, Zeus, Jesus, Abraham, whatever or whoever you are;

Why are you doing this to me?

What did I do?
Can you give me a sign.
A reason.

Why am I trapped?
Not dead,
Nor alive.

Why am I here?

Why am I chosen?

What did I do?

Why even create me in the first place,
When I have no point in being here.
I only cause people pain and misery in the end...

Why am I alive?

Why am I dead?

Why am I here?

Why me?

Minding our own
barely making it rhyme,
it's all coming out
there's dust in the drought
but the rain comes in time.

Nothing held back
I've got nothing to say,
let it roll off my shoulders
puts less your mind
and it's better that way.

And isn't this nice?
you like hot tea on ice
thank you, yes, I can follow directions
so please don't think twice.
And isn't this great?
we can stay out real late
watching millions of sparkling stars
while you're lickin' that plate?

I said nothing at all
it's that horse in the stall
my foot fell asleep but I'm not gonna weep
I can drag it or crawl.

Now the wind's in the trees
and your hand's on my knees
and the warmth of your breath on my neck
puts my tired mind at ease.

All I wanted
      porch...
                    swing...
            rhythm..
    back...
              and...
        forth...
        with you babe
                         All I needed
                          porch
                 swing
        rhythm
back
       and
                  forth
                with you.

Minding our own
barely making it rhyme,
it's all coming out
and there's dust in the drought
but the rain comes in time
Distracted, it's true
idle chatter won't do
Better nothing to say
put the music on play
and be quiet
with you.

Yesterday I dyed my hair red
ketchup in the light, plum in the shade
when we washed it out, it looked as though i'd bled
a split decision, hastily made

it was a thoughtful metaphor deep inside:
"out with the old in with the new"
everything is different now - even my formerly shy stride
but most importantly i'm trying to forget about you

i'm almost rid of you, don't you agree?
when you spoke in that angry tone
i made up my mind definitely
i hate you to the bottom of my heart, the core, the bone

i am my own person
i've found quite recently.
since then things have done anything but worsen
i'm getting on without you pretty decently

you think you are in control
not anymore my "friend"
since i dyed my hair, ive felt so much more whole
and our friendship has reached it's long awaited end

~E.Y