hello: Poems

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hello Jan 2017

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I scarf everything down and binge like I haven't in months I want to throw it all up and kick myself for giving in to my disgusting cravings and I hate me I hate me I hate me

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hello Jul 2014

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i remember going back and forth
telling myself how better off id be
without you
and then with you
i couldn't give you up
until i grew up
and now people only want
my legs spread
and i give it to them
my mother calls me a *****
and i cry because shes right
my fathers a homophobic
so i cant show who i am
in this ******* house
and those parts of me are
really actually okay
but is something new forming
is something growing with me
that i never had before?

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hello Apr 2013

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Humans: the mess that is my bedroom floor and ***** clothes
Humans: the awe of a full moon and ability to create wonderful things

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hello Oct 2013

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Yes
I do the same thing all day everyday
No
I do not do anything
At all

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hello Nov 2013

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Everything is a spiral
Straining my eyes

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hello Oct 2015

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How treacherous are the days where all my insides fall out of my ears.
I forgot I had all those clogged arteries against my heart
Wrapping around the beating vessel like an umbilical cord around an infants head
Heavenly when it stops beating

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hello Aug 2016

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I hear blood in the form of words
You cut me and scrape scratch slice
Me
'I regret you'
I'm the person you dread
'I wish I never met you'
But you know if you never did
You wouldn't be addicted
You would have substance to your life
But you need hurt
You need violence
And you need need need
Attention
Just like me
Poison for each other
But it's prescribed

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hello Jan 2018

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I scream every night and no sound comes out
I didn’t know my body could produce so many tears

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hello Jun 2013

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I want to die but I want to live
I see dying as a way out
Living as a locked door
But if I find the key I could
Live in peace
Wait patiently for my turn to go
And be happy about that

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hello May 2013

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he had blonde hair and a different bruise every time i saw him
sometimes his nose scrunched up when he laughed
and he kept his secrets in a secret pocket
in my limbs
and he never danced
he swayed

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hello May 2013

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I like to keep my fan
on at night and
when I get goosebumps
from being cold
I'll think of you
stroking your fingers
down my back
I have memorized they way
Your nails softly scratch
The way your delicate fingers
Trace all the bones
And the way your hands
Rub across my skin
I've noticed that we never say
Anything in these moments
We're saying enough by
Touching
My eyes can whisper
"I love you so much"
And my legs can
wrap around you
singing our song
With a million soft touches
We've forgotten what words are
And how to formulate sentences
I don't mind though

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hello May 2014

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all i do is get drunk and high because im lonely but i dont want you or you or you or any of you.

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hello May 2016

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I'm in love with your high eyes
Droopy and red
Watery and filled with daze
I'm in love with the smoke you blow
In my mouth
I'm in love with the way you caress me
I love the smell
The taste
The burn
I'm in love with the way
You say you love me
When you're high

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hello Oct 2015

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I wonder why I blow up in your car and you pat my leg and tell me things will be okay but I don't believe you

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hello Aug 2016

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Will I ever be good enough?
Will anyone ever be good enough for me?
If I find you in the wrong time
Please come back to me

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hello Jan 2014

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transform a thought anyway you want
because you a nymph and life
would be dreadful as a goddess
because you're already beautiful
and when your cuts turn to scabs
and scabs to scars
don't think of your skin
as a battle land
because it is a canvas
a mosaic
made of broken things
when your brain
has remembered to water
its flowers
you will cry
tears of joy
because you finally took a shower
without throwing up
and you finally did the dishes
without taking the steak knife
to your room.
you finally did life tasks
without the nagging cloud
global warming is not just
effecting the earth

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hello Aug 2016

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Your breathing chest is my pillow
I felt the muscles tense as you smiled
Stroked my head and my cheek

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hello Apr 2013

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You step into the suns rays
Skin blooms roses and pretty lillys
Make up your hair
Your body is the most beautiful hill
Eyes turn into moon and stars
Lips are the birds who sing sweetly
Your soul is paradise

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hello Oct 2013

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My tea has gone cold
And my skin
is still tingiling with
your scent
but my efforts
To make you stay
Failed
Obviously enough
We don't love each other
but our bodies do

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hello Aug 2016

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How naive of me
How childish how illogical
Of me to think
You could love
And I could grow
My memories froze and I am stuck
In the past in the deep past
The sadness entrapped
It does not go away

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hello Oct 2016

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I only feel happy
When I'm high enough to feel
Only tingiling in my fingers
And a the sensational rush of
Ice cold water across
My dry tongue and down my
Empty throat
I wish to be full
I haven't been full in years
And in both ways
I only feel okay when I'm out
Where's my peace in being alone
I'm alone in the dark in the house
Only one here talking to walls
While they are out
And I am trapped

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hello Apr 2013

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For a moment
A tiny moment
I thought I saw you
I thought I
R e a l l y
Saw you
I saw you laugh
And smile
I saw your soul
And I am left in awe
Because I saw how beautiful
You
R e a l l y
Are
Or I could just be my imagination
And I saw you like how I do
Every other day
Quiet and ****** face
With a fake laugh
Forced smiles
Not a glimmer of
True self
In your eyes

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hello Aug 2013

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I've come to realize that you discouraged me quite alot on things you never approved of and always made sure I was the best at whatever it was that you wanted me to be.

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hello Oct 2013

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let me touch you
the way your soul
touches my eyes
and let me feel you
for real

let me know who you are
through the rate of your breath

shout your being into my lips
hold me down
and make sure
i understand fully.

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hello Jul 2016

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I'm wallowing
In my robe and in my sadness
I'm naked in a towel
Dripping hair dripping
Sadness
The dirt circling the drain
Doesn't go away
I'm wallowing in
My dirt
In a clean space
I wallow in
Sadness

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hello Apr 2013

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It seems as though
You have forgotten that night
That night when we kissed
In my bed
And you took my innocence
I walk past you now
I look at you
Sadly you don't return my gaze
Please just look into my eyes
Stop walking past me
Like we never happened.

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hello Apr 2013

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I decamped my presence from your life
You never noticed when I first
Started to fade away

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hello Aug 2013

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The theme to Jepoardy
No longer rings
All around my 3D exsistance
Because I am not
In Jepoardy
Of falling in love
With you

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hello Jul 2013

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you matter to a lot of people
you may not even know
you matter a lot
to these people
but we all secretly admire
someone

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hello Jun 2013

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A lot can be said
In a minute
Less in an hour
It all depends
On how you measure
Your forever

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hello May 2013

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you said you didn't want
to kiss me
because my lips were
too red
little did you know
that they were stained
with blood
i bit them too hard
when i saw you
with her

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hello Aug 2013

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Calling me in the middle of the night
Will only make my insides
Toss and turn more than
I already do trying to achieve sleep
Hearing your sleepy voice
Whispering:
"I missed you today and the days before that"
Kills me -
But only because I know this is not true
You say you miss me but you never
Talk to me
Here and there I'll get a few texts
Its only late at night when I receive these
And I think it's because
Your 1 am mind in surfacing
And sadly you are too sad
To lay in silence
So you remember those nights
When we kissed
Bare under your covers
That's what you miss
You do not miss me
Just the me you always had next to you
At night.

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hello Apr 2013

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Sleep with a journal besides my bed
In case you sneak into my dreams
Sparking up memories
I have to jot them down
Or I'll soon forget
What you sounded like

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hello Apr 2013

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We walk along a muddy trail
Of memories
you're footsteps
Make flowers grow where there
Is only dirt.

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hello Jun 2013

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I feel like listening to sad songs and jumping out of windows from 20 million floor high buildings hoping to land on my ******* head to shake those memories out but not jump to die even though I will. But I know in a few hours i'll laugh or smile and i'll feel fine again and I will take back what I said about dying and I will say I'm happy and I want to live but deep down I seriously don't want to anymore.

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hello Sep 2015

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I don't know why I gave up writing
I'm okay now

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hello Aug 2016

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Being ****** all day has its positives
Time goes by so slow
I melt in the couch and forget all
My problems
Not my problems
Just forget
But then lonely
Lonely
I am bored I am
Lonely

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hello Apr 2013

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Part of this world
Is heaven
And part of it
Is hell
It's heaven when the sun
Shines through my window
And glistens on my skin
It's warm and sparkly
It's heaven when the wind
Whisks through my curls
Providing a comforting breeze
On my face and neck
It's heaven when cute little babies
Or cute little animals
Are born and everyone is happy
And innocence is restored
As well as hope
This world is hell when
People hurt others
When people bomb others
For no reason at all
It is hell when war is taking place
When we're threatening
Our neighbors
When they're threatening
Us
It is hell when loved ones
leave us
physically or mentally
It is hell when my mind won't
Stop thinking
Horrible things
And those horrible voices return
But soon the sun will shine
And I'll learn to dance in
The gloomy rain

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hello Jan 2016

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This is the first day in a while
That I have not had the haze
Clouds fill my mouth
Scents stain my fingertips
I don't want to be sober

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hello Dec 2016

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I have not felt guilt yet
I have not had a second thought
I have no bad feelings about what
I had done
When will it hit me?

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hello Oct 2013

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New things flourish everyday
And I'm so happy
That I'm not waiting;
Wasting all my time
On you.

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hello Jan 2016

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I miss how things used to be and it hurts knowing they will never be like that again

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hello Oct 2013

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questions/replies/answers/expected
to you: never a dull moment
to me: ive lived this before
im stuck in quick sand
but instead of sinking me
its ******* the life out of my head.
apologies/acceptance/forgiveness/regrets/revenge
always went in that way
like you had some sort of list
etched into your dna
and you are doomed to repeat that forever
(at least with me)
mature/not even/insults/sarcasm
you say i joke to much
yet are so insensitive to my problems
when i am always here
for you
gossip and lies
your tongue has no taste buds
so you yearn for those

you say i overact
but i am just bringing
this to your attention
you have two blind eyes
ears that distort things
and lips that don't stop moving.

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hello May 2013

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Today I hope you smiled like how you did that one time where I kissed you unexpectedly in the movie theater and you didn't frown for days

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hello Jan 2016

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I miss the ******* old times
I feel the bad times creeping back in
I don't know how much longer
I will be able to fake it

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hello Jul 2014

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late at night i feel like **** and i dont have that person to express to i dont have that person who wont judge but just listen i feel like im sinking into an early grave

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hello Sep 2013

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Pictures may be
Worth a thousand words
But
These words can be
Misinterpreted
Misunderstood
Why use a picture
When so many things
Go flying through my head
Even if you aren't
Looking my way

Just come
Out

And

Say

It

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hello May 2013

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I want to feel
(Taste
Touch
Live
Do)
Everything

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hello Nov 2013

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say what
you want
i don't miss you

and that makes me
smile

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hello Oct 2013

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someone dies when someone falls in love
someone dies when someones being born
someone lives when someone else is just existing