wake up in the morning sighing today i'll have a good day today i'm gonna be happy but the thing i can't get across is the sighing. i don't say it like i really want it even though i really do being sad 24/7 is starting to take a toll on my body. and you! you! you! you! why do i ******* miss you so much when all you did was **** me and hurt me when all you did was say you love me just to touch me and why the hell did i fall for that? i still don't know the answer. you throw our glass in the air and it smashes on the floor and you think you can just take tape and make it okay again by saying how good you'll make me feel or how dumb you are for letting me go. why are you realizing this now? if you really felt this way, you would've confronted me with your worries so we can work them out together as a **** couple but instead you decided that one mistake and i was done for even though i forgave you so many times i gave you so many ******* chances way too many i only heard one small thank you that probably wasn't even sincere. so i'm done asking nicely. get the **** out of my head. stop trying to come back because right now i am too weak to push you away i loved our memories i loved your lies this sickening disease is killing me.
I miss being skinny being cold being thin Skinny enough where I can cup my ribs and never feel my thighs touch ever I miss seeing hip bones through clothes and cringing when I bang them on walls or counters I miss seeing the numbers drop and the weight fall off
I am a magician as well as the box it's contents are my organs and I try to pull them out show them off on a happy display echos of ooo's aaa's im doing well but everyone knows magic is created where the heart lives and where little kids wander off to the woods fairy tales i wish i was still a part of the routine is fake like the smile; it is used for assurance for others well being certainly not my own magic is a placebo for how I really feel occassionaly I get asked how'd you do it? but telling will put me back to the beginning white coats running everywhere machines beeping disinfectant being sprayed contraptions shoving air back into my lungs men with heavy accents deciphering and diagnosing and i will wish magic was in my hands so one quick flick and i'd be gone
Nostalgia that I feel as though I subconsciously long for is a clangorous boom inside my head
Consciously I don't want the past, never ever again
Somebody told me to "Help myself While others are helping too" This opened my eyes As realization dawned on me: I can ask for help But not give myself any In return I can help others But leave myself Helpless When I'm feeling alone
I've seen that it is important To learn and love yourself Because in the end You'll be the only one
Lifelong trip Longing for spirituality Sense of self as well You embark as soon As you breathe
Fingerprints last a long time As do hair particles And skin particles They all last as long as some Memories do So really It's like you never left me Your microscopic self can be reached through the part Of my brain Where those memories reside You can be seen under a lens Deep in the ridges of my skin
it's almost funny how you can control your own thoughts and your own feelings. it's almost funny that it was this easy. but i dont think about this as often anymore because i am so happy. not ecstatic not elated. just happy. i am not eternally sad or mad or frustrated. just happy. i have not bathed myself in ***** water for weeks now and i have used soap in all the right places and made sure my taste buds were scrubbed. i feed myself with respect and i cuddle myself with people who make me laugh so hard i **** myself and they are the ones who make me think how i ever got bad. i reevaluate the things i say i regret doing, and now i do not regret doing or saying or feeling any of those things. they happened for a reason and now i am here. just happy.
ill rise and learn rays are what im given complaints of **** you dont have remind you why youre suffering trees die they expect that season coming they arent afraid because they know theyll rejuvinate while we contemplate coming up with so many theories of after life ever thought we just go to the ground so many different ways on the same thing stop pushing to understand things no one ever will books are books not trends or masks get your head out your ******* *** thank your lungs for helping you live they argue when you say i cant live without her/him cause your heart sure is pumping your brain sure is feeling sadness and your nervous system is bringing your self inflicted pain shut the **** up time heals gaps close notice i said nothing about filling holes holes are homes furniture is stacked hoarders brain messy file cabinet things hide get misplaced and you wonder why im not around
Poetry shouldn't be based off Lines or stanzas It shouldn't have rules On how to rhyme or how To write It shouldn't be pre-planned Poetry should be you It should be what you feel Those impulses that flow from Your brain and take over your fingers It shouldn't be forced You should feel these words flying at you 100 miles per hour You should write them down As soon as you think of them So you don't forget how you felt In that moment Your mind is the paint Your words are the colors Your world is the paper Dare to really say How you feel
I'll be the rain You can be a flower Raining down Hard I'll collect into your soil Drip off the sides of Your petals Laying contently Until the sun comes out Drying me up Evaporating Then I'm gone
Be the evaporating Tears circulating in the air sometimes I'll wish To drown But you leave too fast So later on today When and if It rains I will go out With a big bottle And catch a few drops Of you Hopefully you'll stay Long enough for me To admire the way Tiny versions of yourself Slip into bigger ones
The winds of a new month flow into my window and I shiver naked under covers Goosebumps remind me it's too cold to be alone I imagine the warmth of his palm around my cheek but it sends shivers down my spine It's quieter outside now, the insects and bird are sleeping too It's darker outside now, the sun has had its late nights and it's time to get back to normal Whats normal now? What will normal be for now on? I wish you were here instead of this blanket
the story of my virginity is haunting me a year later and now i feel like breaking down and asking myself why i still went through with you when you never looked me in the eyes that night and after all those boys and girls who only wanted to put their hands on me and get inside of me, i now regret it all. i regret shedding my clothes and keeping my mouth shut i regret not knowing your name until we ****** ive never kissed with love im tired of being the one that gives and doesnt receive im tired of knowing all the things i know i hate myself for doing the things i swore i wwouldn't do. taking boyfriends and lying to friends and letting boys cheat on me and having *** with every person i see. telling you that i loved you when i did not. ive worn myself out and im changing but people will always only want me for one thing.
12:00 pm Midnight is when the breeze flows Through my slightly cracked window And ruffles my curtains 12:30 pm I want to sleep but you keep crawling Back into my brain Dusting off abandoned corners of my memories I never wanted to touch those again The cobwebs frightened me 1:00 pm Now I'm crying It's a low wail The time on my clock shows All the thoughts I am wasting On you 5:00 am It's been a few hours I think I've cried out all my tears My body goes limp into an Unstatisfiyng sleep I know that when I wake up You will not be next to me Like how you always used to be 11:00 am I've slept and I was right You are not here The puddles on my pillow collect Into my hair You haven't kissed me gently to Wake me up You haven't stroked my hair to the side To peck my cheek and say "Good morning" 7:00 pm I have spent the day Mourning over you I wonder what you are doing I wonder where you have gone 12:00 pm Midnight is when I repeat the cycle Of missing you.
I used to be able to look at people and feel their soulful juices escape their pores but now it's like i'm looking at a million rocks with beautiful faces pre-planned conversations nothing is different anymore
I belly flopped into a pool of things I didn't want to happen but the water rushed up and my stomach caved in I feel Stinging the sting of pictures and words I remember I didn't want to feel Them I'm overwhelmed now with the thing I did not want to take place but I knew it would Anyways
if i'm around to watch our sun die and our moon be eaten take our old photos scatter them across Saturn's rings so i can fly down from my theater in heaven and remember
The fuel you used to pulse in My veins Has left and I've gone super cold Like a snake you slithered out Just as quickly as you slithered in You took my thoughts Threw them out the window Hoping someday I would bury them And love you Suspiciously you're feelings Have changed from loving me To not being sure You were glad when I walked away You asked to still be friends When I looked back for a much Longer time than I hoped to So don't come back with those Brown eyes that used to represent My clear skies And don't come back with that **** smile Getting me hooked all over again You ripped my wings and made me Convince myself that I truly Loved you I have no idea if you truly loved me Or just wanted to **** me Until you fell so fast you were Unsure of the time but so sure Of me
I am not here to measure your faults and I am hoping you aren't here to do the same to me we can not put them on a scale until it is balanced I forgive the past for whatever you have done your mistakes do not define you
i'm sorry that those demons worked their way out of your head to control your hands and fingers i know it wasn't really you while you were making that noose i know it wasn't really you while you counted those pills making sure you took many i know it wasn't you at all when you sliced your pretty wrists it was you at the hospital that day you told me you were so sad it was you that day in my room when i held you and let you cry i'm sorry that those demons traveled to your heart those demons blocked your eardrums they wouldn't let you listen when i told you i was here for you they sewed your lips tight you couldn't cry for help i'm sorry that i stain this poem with my tears i hope you will reach out your grave and sleep with it six feet under the stars.
You experience death for the first time even though she has a breathing tube You see your sister cry and you remember why you took this trip and you remember she has feelings and its not just you You eat and drink and talk to distract the fact that someone is passing by and the relationship you had-no matter how short- was not insignificant It's hard to grasp that this will happen throughout life and its not just something that happens in the movies. You finally understand that life is real and its not some dream and you wonder how it'll hurt when you relive a death again
i'll have to accept myself and my previous actions for what i did is so expensive how could you not feel even a smudge of guilt? you gave me you i gave you me for the first time i gasped and for the first time i stayed with you for more than a night i asked do you love me your reply was what i expected a yes but it was so dark i couldn't see your true response.
The curve of your life line fits around my waist and the shortness of your breath makes me look at my palm and see my life line is short closing my eyes is romantic breathing is romantic walking and running and twitching in my sleep everything is romantic i romanticize the universe and its ability to **** we have no place to stay but our homes but our homes are not our homes they are the Houses the windows are clear i see you behind blinds and thick curtains i see you cry and know the familiar sound of Weeping but the trace of wetness on your cheeks propels me to stare the tear escapes in and out of your nose and in between The Lips features and flaws are washed and stained and i can smell the deep violent of your cry the shaking the turmoil the fading of consciousness is all too known it's recognized so well because i cry in front of the mirror now i know vulnerability
and it seems as though all i ever do is listen to clair de lune and cry by myself; wishing i could go back a few months, when i was happy. depression lifts and leaves for a while. but its a cloud that's turning into a low fog; completely consuming me. i notice when i start digging my own grave and decide to lay in it. i just don't know how to stop myself. my brain goes through a vicious cycle. loving hating mad sad happy elated sad depressed gone.
I was with you because I loved the **** you grew in your basement and I loved the smoke that always came out of your pores I loved the trouble and the panic when I almost got caught I was with you because no one else wanted me and no one else would give me free **** and no one else would **** me and leave me alone I only was with you and pretended to love you because I loved your drugs and I loved you inside of me until you forced me I smoke a different strain and it's better than yours
Types of girls: heavy rain drops sliding down your shoulder, customized license plates, smokey motel rooms, black nail polish, dead roses, empty cinemas, expired valentines chocolate.
there are no holes in my mind there are small dents in my words and feelings time won't be able to heal them because they're not broken just slightly forgotten in my conscious yet if you look into my subconscious you'll see all the skyscrapers that aren't visible to me so please tell me if i'm as beautiful as the alphabet formed into worthy poetry
This feeling is synonymous to being buried alive Dirt caught in my throat Rotting my words Weighing down my sense Of right and wrong Saying one thing Thinking another I have no idea what Is happening Why this is going on Again Hoping underground is dangerous No one is there to hear you Cry or think Doing the dangerous things To keep me alive Is what I do best So I will crawl out of this Burning hole That is so close to hell I will fall into your arms Hoping you will catch me Without hiding a knife behind Your back Like always There is a front door leading To my mind you have locked it I cannot get in
This feeling is like Walking on the outside circle of the earth Sleeping in the craters of the moon Hitching a ride on a shooting star Searching for another galaxy It is crying in an empty cinema On venus Searching for the other half of myself On mars I'm scattered everywhere And in an alternative universe I am sleeping on your Breathing chest In reality I am just Dreaming