I like to keep my fan
on at night and
when I get goosebumps
from being cold
I'll think of you
stroking your fingers
down my back
I have memorized they way
Your nails softly scratch
The way your delicate fingers
Trace all the bones
And the way your hands
Rub across my skin
I've noticed that we never say
Anything in these moments
We're saying enough by
Touching
My eyes can whisper
"I love you so much"
And my legs can
wrap around you
singing our song
With a million soft touches
We've forgotten what words are
And how to formulate sentences
I don't mind though

Seize my omniscient thoughts
See what makes my
Blood turn cold
And The Willow
In my happiness.
I'll focus on the wind
Caressing your
Face and
Chapped lips;
Even in summer.
Mind continuing to
Create movies
Of our lips saying
hello
While our eyes are wide
And brains are buzzing
With thoughts
But not of the future;
Setting ahead
Always seems
To go wrong
And predictions
Turn into
Disappointments

I want you
To take this
As personally
As I
Do.

Shallow skin and muttered secrets between breaths filled with fear, are what my dreams consist of. Bright moons during the day but my mistakes fill the craters. Feeling short; synonymous to TNT whilst strutting, looking for answers to questions I can't even comprehend. A smile is toothless that tells unrequited jokes to my tongue but its all a façade. The Scenes are covered by the curtain and the stage gets spit on when I walk through the door. Numbers of maybes and probablys are my friends on one hand. Blankets that aren't machine washable will forever smell like how your skin did that night. I am forced to sleep with your memory up my nose. My eyes want to jump out their sockets especially in the morning because they want to be forever closed. But closed is a trap. A trap because I see your bedroom ceiling and your mouth pursed next to my ear while I lay; moving slightly for hours. A trap because I see signs I should've acknowledged.
An unnoticeable I Love You.
But I don't even want you anymore.

What's a need anyways?

The 3 am foggy hospital scents got to know me better than you ever did
The uncomfortable disinfected couches
made me feel more at home
then you ever did
and the floor caught me better
than your arms

I am going to pick up
the breaths I dropped
and put them back into my lungs
I will let my heart
caress every vein
every place where
warming blood flows
i am going to open my eyes
like the summer solstice
see things in a new light
Teenage Sadness is starting
to bore me to death
(Literally)
the Twisteds are leaving me
and i remember that
i have a Choice
mind shrinkers and numbing medicine
are things i look forward to getting rid of
toxic relationships
will be washed away down the drain
with my shampoo
because i'll realize
i don't want to put my happiness
in someone else's hands
i will read books
kiss people
wear the same shoes everyday
because i feel like it
explanations can be overrated
i won't let tears run
because the number on the scale
isn't what i want it to be
i will Live
not just exist
Live
Live
Live
happily and healthily
multiple ephanies will be
a girls best friend
i see that i can
do This
all these bodies will only be around
for 3 more years
all this work i am not interested in
will only be around
for 3 more years
i will leave when i can
and i will remember
the Specifics
this town is full of scars
i am eager for new flesh
i have faith in
growing

New things flourish everyday
And I'm so happy
That I'm not waiting;
Wasting all my time
On you.

i remember what you looked like
when you first leaned in
eyes got all soft
and dreamy
lips parted
just enough for you
to whisper
my name
could you tell how sweaty
my hands got
did you notice how my eyes
started to widen
in disbelief
my mind was racing
i couldn't believe this
was happening  
but when i closed my eyes
i stepped into a dream

i could write a poem about your eyes
and how i get lost in them
i could write about your lips
how i love to trace them with my fingers
from time to time
i could write about your touch
they way you graze my skin so gently
how it makes me shiver
if i look at you
how i look at the moon
you'll know i love you more than
the way she changes every night
still surprising me
if i am patient with you
like how i am waiting for
a full moon
you'll know i want to make this last
if i want to touch you as bad
as i want to touch the stars
you'll know i never want to be away from you

Part of this world
Is heaven
And part of it
Is hell
It's heaven when the sun
Shines through my window
And glistens on my skin
It's warm and sparkly
It's heaven when the wind
Whisks through my curls
Providing a comforting breeze
On my face and neck
It's heaven when cute little babies
Or cute little animals
Are born and everyone is happy
And innocence is restored
As well as hope
This world is hell when
People hurt others
When people bomb others
For no reason at all
It is hell when war is taking place
When we're threatening
Our neighbors
When they're threatening
Us
It is hell when loved ones
leave us
physically or mentally
It is hell when my mind won't
Stop thinking
Horrible things
And those horrible voices return
But soon the sun will shine
And I'll learn to dance in
The gloomy rain

Be my 2 am
You'll see that in this early hour of the morning
The real me surfaces
Because no one is looking
No one is taking me in
Thinking about it
My 2 am knows more than I ever will
Because somedays I have forgotten
What I used to fret over at this time
It will always know what I thought of last
Before my eyelids faltered
It will always know what I looked like
When my breathing became steady and even
So, if only I could shove
Every single 2 am
Inside my brain
I will know exactly what I think of you
I will know exactly why I am so sad
But I do not have hyperthymesia
So I will never know
But if time does not exist
And only clocks do;
Maybe 2 am is just a personality
That finally takes over
Once I've realized
How lonely
I am

This feeling is like
Walking on the outside circle of the earth
Sleeping in the craters of the moon
Hitching a ride on a shooting star
Searching for another galaxy
It is crying in an empty cinema
On venus
Searching for the other half of myself
On mars
I'm scattered everywhere
And in an alternative universe
I am sleeping on your
Breathing chest
In reality I am just
Dreaming

Calling you every night just to hear that familiar melody has been etched into my persona and talking about you non stop has been sewed into my taste buds and I think they like they way your name rolls off my tongue time after time.
Hearing similar words that you said to me automatically trigger some beautiful daze and I remember how you said that I meant everything. The sun beating down on me, hearing a car **** by, listening to a strangers laugh, everything and anything beautiful reminds me of you and its starting to make it hard to live when the only air I breathe is you and the only thing I see is you. Waiting for forever (even though this time period I call forever may only be a few hours) just to touch you makes me insane to the point where someone should admit me to the closest hospital because I may have some type of heart failure in the next few seconds and of course I'm exaggerating but the love I feel for you is so over the top and is so overwhelming but in a good way.
So please hold my hand permanently don't ever let me go and don't ever let me think of you as anything other than amazing and please don't ever hurt me because then I'll die and you already have a big chunk of my heart laying restlessly on your pillow.

I am not here to measure
your faults
and I am hoping
you aren't here to do the same
to me
we can not put them
on a scale until
it is balanced
I forgive the past
for whatever you have done
your mistakes do not
define you

read me like your favorite book
wander me like i'm your favorite place
let me know that i captivate you
and that you don't want to blink
because you might miss something

Does the moon
Look down at us humans
And shed a tear
Because we always write about how she shines
And not her being
Or how she resides in our sky?

I think of you when the ocean waves
rise over my head
suffocating me
start to dream
about the way your hands
feel on me like
the sand between
my feet
Dream of our lips
Moving together
Much more spontaneous
Than any sun
Our words are a love song
Connected by the stars
Of the brightest constellations
The waves leave me
I collapse onto
The beach
You lean in
So do I
When I close my eyes
I've stepped into sleep
A dream I won't wake up from
Till you say goodbye

I hope the sky is clear
For you tonight
And I hope the moon
Reminds you of my eyes
Instead of being down
The street
You're a few thousand miles
Away
Connecting with you
Is now replaced with
Falling hard
My bruises are where I made
Wishes
For your kisses
Your brown eyes
Are reflections
Of cloudless skies

I'm no longer a single flower
Transforming into a bed
Of roses when I'm with you
Tending to me
Scaring off the people
Who want to rip us out the ground
Because we astonish them
We sway at different speeds
Marvel at different lights
But in a different way
We are the same
Our petals sometimes wilt
It will reveal how we are more
Than the sum of our parts
Not just a stem
And a pretty scent
A symbol of love
And peace
Lasting forever is not
On our to-do list
We want to hurdle towards
Earth together
And when we do die
Ill be there subtly smiling
When you walk by
Remembering how we once
Grew together

You're a house with white walls with the occasional  black marks and a few paintings made by a kid. Your garden is almost dead but the biggest tree in your yard is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen yet you don't notice it as much. You are long and quite big when no one is around and when someone is in you all alone they feel this emptiness and they can sense what you're lacking yet they don't say anything because they don't want to hurt your feelings. Your roof is in great shape and the deck outside should be stained to a darker shade of wood according to you but you don't notice the three pink flowers leading up to your door as much. The lightbulbs outside have burned out years ago so you put on this face that makes you look alive but on the inside you're still white walls and stained carpets and slamming doors.

We're all too busy
Trying to make
Things last
We don't notice
How fast
Things slip away from us
We all want
To stop the clock
And be trapped in a perfect
Moment
Yet while we are trying
To make this moment perfect
We are losing the true meaning
Of being with this person
Or place or object
It's perfectness is slipping away
Because we are thinking
And stressing to much