i think ive been wallowing
in self pity long enough
so dont be suprised when
i dont say i miss you back
im not unrequited
just looking ahead
you ask to meet again
and i understand
because i used to need that
type of closure
needed to see
you mouth goodbye
even if we made out
and i decided i wanted
to stay
nothing is dedicated
to you anymore
your pictures join the ashes
and ill dive into a blunt
instead of listing
your old habits
in a few months
traces of you
will literally be
untraceable
i dont plan
with you in mind
im never grasping
to call you mine
my bed is warm
because ive layered the blankets
ive realized you left it colder

and when i think no one misses me
i think again
clearer this time
because the people that do not miss me
just show they never cared
a week later and you are right back
to her
like i am dust
and maybe in your eyes i am nothing
but that
the people that do miss me
ask me how i am
how i have been
where i want to be
the people that miss me
do not tell me they love me
they show it
with ways greater than words or actions
i was blinded by your
pursed lips
and the way you said my name
i closed a door in their face
and left it wide open for you
which was a big mistake
but when you walked away
know i cried
and when you didnt come back
until you needed something
know i was happy
because
i realized
you mean nothing
except for a
soul and a body
i do not
want to interact with
anymore

as horrible as it may sound
you mean nothing
nothing
to me.

I am going to pick up
the breaths I dropped
and put them back into my lungs
I will let my heart
caress every vein
every place where
warming blood flows
i am going to open my eyes
like the summer solstice
see things in a new light
Teenage Sadness is starting
to bore me to death
(Literally)
the Twisteds are leaving me
and i remember that
i have a Choice
mind shrinkers and numbing medicine
are things i look forward to getting rid of
toxic relationships
will be washed away down the drain
with my shampoo
because i'll realize
i don't want to put my happiness
in someone else's hands
i will read books
kiss people
wear the same shoes everyday
because i feel like it
explanations can be overrated
i won't let tears run
because the number on the scale
isn't what i want it to be
i will Live
not just exist
Live
Live
Live
happily and healthily
multiple ephanies will be
a girls best friend
i see that i can
do This
all these bodies will only be around
for 3 more years
all this work i am not interested in
will only be around
for 3 more years
i will leave when i can
and i will remember
the Specifics
this town is full of scars
i am eager for new flesh
i have faith in
growing

say what
you want
i don't miss you

and that makes me
smile

Shallow skin and muttered secrets between breaths filled with fear, are what my dreams consist of. Bright moons during the day but my mistakes fill the craters. Feeling short; synonymous to TNT whilst strutting, looking for answers to questions I can't even comprehend. A smile is toothless that tells unrequited jokes to my tongue but its all a façade. The Scenes are covered by the curtain and the stage gets spit on when I walk through the door. Numbers of maybes and probablys are my friends on one hand. Blankets that aren't machine washable will forever smell like how your skin did that night. I am forced to sleep with your memory up my nose. My eyes want to jump out their sockets especially in the morning because they want to be forever closed. But closed is a trap. A trap because I see your bedroom ceiling and your mouth pursed next to my ear while I lay; moving slightly for hours. A trap because I see signs I should've acknowledged.
An unnoticeable I Love You.
But I don't even want you anymore.

What's a need anyways?

It's insane how one
One little thing
Can set me off

Guess this just shows
How much of a fuse I am
How much I am filled to
The very top
How I can not
Take anything
Anymore

I straddled him and he told me
How light I felt
Zero zero zero zero

My tea has gone cold
And my skin
is still tingiling with
your scent
but my efforts
To make you stay
Failed
Obviously enough
We don't love each other
but our bodies do

Sometimes little things
Make me realize
Big things

New things flourish everyday
And I'm so happy
That I'm not waiting;
Wasting all my time
On you.

I've uncovered the refresh
Button

I'm never turning back

Everyone's nice until the ******* in their brain starts coming out their mouth

i'll have to accept
myself and my previous
actions
for what i did
is so expensive
how could you
not feel
even a smudge of guilt?
you gave me you
i gave you me
for the first time
i gasped
and for the first time
i stayed with you
for more than a night
i asked
do you love me
your reply was what i expected
a yes
but it was so dark
i couldn't see
your true response.

let me touch you
the way your soul
touches my eyes
and let me feel you
for real

let me know who you are
through the rate of your breath

shout your being into my lips
hold me down
and make sure
i understand fully.

wake up in the morning sighing
today i'll have a good day
today i'm gonna be happy
but the thing i can't get across
is the sighing.
i don't say it like i really want it
even though i really do
being sad 24/7 is starting to take
a toll on my body.
and you!
you!
you!
you!
why do i ******* miss you so much
when all you did
was **** me and hurt me
when all you did was say you love me
just to touch me
and why the hell
did i fall for that?
i still don't know the answer.
you throw our glass in the air
and it smashes on the floor
and you think you can just take
tape and make it okay again
by saying how good you'll make me feel
or how dumb you are for
letting me go.
why are you realizing this now?
if you really felt this way,
you would've confronted me
with your worries so we can work them out together
as a **** couple
but instead you decided
that one mistake and i was done for
even though i forgave you
so many times
i gave you so many ******* chances
way too many
i only heard one small thank you
that probably wasn't even sincere.
so i'm done asking nicely.
get the **** out of my head.
stop trying to come back
because right now
i am too weak to push you away
i loved our memories
i loved your lies
this sickening disease is
killing
me.

Seize my omniscient thoughts
See what makes my
Blood turn cold
And The Willow
In my happiness.
I'll focus on the wind
Caressing your
Face and
Chapped lips;
Even in summer.
Mind continuing to
Create movies
Of our lips saying
hello
While our eyes are wide
And brains are buzzing
With thoughts
But not of the future;
Setting ahead
Always seems
To go wrong
And predictions
Turn into
Disappointments

I want you
To take this
As personally
As I
Do.

Forever be your silhouette
A frame instead
Of the picture
A clock with no time
Be the fall leaves that
Linger just before
The first snow
And breaths on shoulders
Not necks
Something that represents
Much more than a simple
Structure;
Or sum of its parts.
A single ray of
Lamp light
That you would say is
Synonymous to unnoticeable
But I notice how much
Darkness is needed
To see the stars
Or people who are
Falling backwards
With eyelashes glued
To cheeks.
You aren't a **** nor rose
I would never want
To think of you as something
That's slowly dying
life dies and thrives
Everyday
And every year
We pass the unknown
Anniversary to Our Deaths
Yet go to bed
Dreading the next day.
So inspect the grass,
Dust bunnies in our heads
Cover the calendars
All the clocks
Walk as if you're blind
And see what road
You wind up on.
Because gravel
Can be many miles
But don't forget
The paved
Highways.

I've had the epiphany
Of all epiphanies

Persuasive tongues
Pleasure filled hours
Of memorizing the colors
Of your sheets
And how you sighed
In dim lighting;
Was all a scam

I felt love
Whilst you felt lust

Feeling love on my neck
Lust scratches all over your back

Now it's over though
My brain responded
To your pressures
Your eyes that only saw
Under my clothes

Yet you never wanted
To venture into
My undressed mind