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hello Oct 2017
10:28 I’m in bed the feeling hits every night around this time
I haven’t written
I forgot what words are
Seasonal depression is ******* dumb
hello Jun 2017
I miss being skinny being cold being thin
Skinny enough where I can cup my ribs and never feel my thighs touch ever
I miss seeing hip bones through clothes and cringing when I bang them on walls or counters I miss seeing the numbers drop and the weight fall off
hello Jan 2017
I scarf everything down and binge like I haven't in months I want to throw it all up and kick myself for giving in to my disgusting cravings and I hate me I hate me I hate me
hello Jan 2017
I was with you because I loved the **** you grew in your basement and I loved the smoke that always came out of your pores
I loved the trouble and the panic when I almost got caught
I was with you because no one else wanted me and no one else would give me free **** and no one else would **** me and leave me alone
I only was with you and pretended to love you because I loved your drugs and I loved you inside of me until you forced me
I smoke a different strain and it's better than yours
hello Dec 2016
I have not felt guilt yet
I have not had a second thought
I have no bad feelings about what
I had done
When will it hit me?
hello Oct 2016
I only feel happy
When I'm high enough to feel
Only tingiling in my fingers
And a the sensational rush of
Ice cold water across
My dry tongue and down my
Empty throat
I wish to be full
I haven't been full in years
And in both ways
I only feel okay when I'm out
Where's my peace in being alone
I'm alone in the dark in the house
Only one here talking to walls
While they are out
And I am trapped
hello Sep 2016
I feel at ease when I breathe in
The scent entitled
'home'
It's ingredients are the memories
I've had to endure
And some I have enjoyed
My room used to smell like my tears
And my sobs
It now smells of temple incense
And sweat
from touching myself at night
Now my car has a smell
It's new and I'm learning
How to label it
But everyone says it's good
My clothes have a scent and some
Are so old
The smell lingers for years and
As I pull over a sweatshirt
I remember a familiar face
I'm wrapped up in your scent
As if you're breathing on my neck
Instead of a caress
It is suffocating
The threads hold memories of how
Your hair smelled
How the shampoo you used
Irritated my skin
And how the **** you smoked
Was skunky and strong
Now you smell of cigarettes and
Spit
I wish to never taste
That scent again
My blankets enfold me in
Summer nights
And my pillow case is wet
My carpet is stained orange-
But I could talk about the stains
I've come to memorize
For years
A smell goes away
And I forget who it comes from
If it was mine
Or yours
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