I sit in a sun spot and lean against hot metal
I'm burning but I haven't felt warmth in so long
It feels good
My skin crawls
I'm quiet

You are not tangible anymore
I can't feel your skin
The sweat on your brow
Or the twitch in your fingers
I hope I don't forget

The winds of a new month flow into my window and I shiver naked under covers
Goosebumps remind me it's too cold to be alone
I imagine the warmth of his palm around my cheek but it sends shivers down my spine
It's quieter outside now, the insects and bird are sleeping too
It's darker outside now, the sun has had its late nights and it's time to get back to normal
Whats normal now? What will normal be for now on?
I wish you were here instead of this blanket

How naive of me
How childish how illogical
Of me to think
You could love
And I could grow
My memories froze and I am stuck
In the past in the deep past
The sadness entrapped
It does not go away

I hear blood in the form of words
You cut me and scrape scratch slice
Me
'I regret you'
I'm the person you dread
'I wish I never met you'
But you know if you never did
You wouldn't be addicted
You would have substance to your life
But you need hurt
You need violence
And you need need need
Attention
Just like me
Poison for each other
But it's prescribed

Your breathing chest is my pillow
I felt the muscles tense as you smiled
Stroked my head and my cheek

Will I ever be good enough?
Will anyone ever be good enough for me?
If I find you in the wrong time
Please come back to me