I'm obsessed with the number
And the size
The feeling of my thighs
I can feel
Weight
Not just on my shoulders
I don't put a needle in my vein
**** up my nose
So when I say I've been clean
Zero days
I'm probably seen as
A ******
I'm a ****** for the scale
For the feeling of
Weightless
For the look of
Bones
For the concerning question
Are you okay?
Because I am not
Okay
I tell everyone I am anyways

Being ****** all day has its positives
Time goes by so slow
I melt in the couch and forget all
My problems
Not my problems
Just forget
But then lonely
Lonely
I am bored I am
Lonely

I belly flopped into a pool of things
I didn't want to happen
but the water rushed up and my stomach caved in I feel
Stinging
the sting of pictures and words I remember
I didn't want to feel
Them
I'm overwhelmed now with the thing I did not want to take place
but I knew it would
Anyways

The sun stretches through the leafs and the branches
highlighting the beauty of the early morning
there's peace in being alone

The curve of your life line fits around my waist and the shortness of your breath makes me look at my palm and see
my life line is short
closing my eyes is romantic breathing is romantic walking and running and twitching in my sleep everything is romantic
i romanticize the universe and its ability to ****
we have no place to stay but our homes but our homes are not our homes they are the
Houses
the windows are clear i see you behind blinds and thick curtains i see you cry and know the familiar sound of
Weeping
but the trace of wetness on your cheeks propels me to stare the tear escapes in and out of your nose and in between
The Lips
features and flaws are washed and stained and i can smell the deep violent of your cry
the shaking the turmoil the fading of consciousness is all too known
it's recognized so well because i cry in front of the mirror
now i know vulnerability

Mouth gets watery
Cheeks tense up
Eyes get warm
I'm crying

I'm wallowing
In my robe and in my sadness
I'm naked in a towel
Dripping hair dripping
Sadness
The dirt circling the drain
Doesn't go away
I'm wallowing in
My dirt
In a clean space
I wallow in
Sadness