Sitting in a park
Filled with four
Silence
Instead of laughter
I see mouths moving
Bodies jumping
But all I hear is my own
Heart beat
I wish to be left to myself
Even though I'm always alone
I feel something much worse
Than pain
I feel numb
I feel the nagging stabs
Of a sad vibration
Coming through my pores
And all my worries
Pouring out my eyes
Yet my mouth stays set
In an attractive smile
And the only thing that
Ever feels good to me
Is the sun
And even he doesn't stay
For long.

I've come to realize that you discouraged me quite alot on things you never approved of and always made sure I was the best at whatever it was that you wanted me to be.

You threw around the word love
like one of your
**** hockey pucks

and i guess you thought
i was the goal
you wanted
(but only because time was running out
and you obviously wanted to impress someone)

you picked up 'im sorry'
as a continuous re-bound
sadly to say,
i always accepted those

but now
take a seat on the bench
because you didn't show up
in time for the game
depressingly, i thought
you always had to be
the goalie
and help stop others
from stealing me

so **** the game
you used as a guideline
to be
with
me.

I feel as though
I'm ever so synonymous
To mute
Antonymous to clangorous
I can't seem to transform
These inner vibrations into
The complicated English language
My voice is a broken record
Of "I'm fine"s
My head is permanently inside
A box
With a Polaroid of a smiling me
Smack dab on the front
Never budging at the slightest tear
But, this box is somewhat
Generous
Because every now and then
It'll let me make slits
Where my eyes are
And maybe someone
Will somehow see
How dead
I am.

Calling me in the middle of the night
Will only make my insides
Toss and turn more than
I already do trying to achieve sleep
Hearing your sleepy voice
Whispering:
"I missed you today and the days before that"
Kills me -
But only because I know this is not true
You say you miss me but you never
Talk to me
Here and there I'll get a few texts
Its only late at night when I receive these
And I think it's because
Your 1 am mind in surfacing
And sadly you are too sad
To lay in silence
So you remember those nights
When we kissed
Bare under your covers
That's what you miss
You do not miss me
Just the me you always had next to you
At night.