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hello Jul 2013
it is shocking that
you think it is not
shocking
muttering regrets
to me
saying you have none
to everyone else

you have a big tendency
of being the biggest
paradox i have ever encountered

i won't be waiting
for the day you realize
what you actually had said
i ask for all the strength
to push you away
when you barge in for more

payback is sometimes
the only language you speak
as well as apologies
and accusations

you look too close
don't breathe enough of it
in
before acting on it

you push on concrete
hoping somehow
you will have the strength
to shatter it
and when and if you do
you take all the cement
to fix it
only to break it again

back and forth
always a never ending game
(like ping pong)

except you always have
to be the winner
and when you are not
your language comes creeping

later on though
you will regret it

but this time i will not
care of your regrets
you're wishy washy
a hopeless romantic
(not the good kind)

little brain is racing
for all these things
to say

you want someone
mature
when you cant even
be that yourself

you are your own version
of Pandora's Box
locked away

sooner or later
someone will come along
and unlock you
just like how i did

now it is my turn
to regret

i am tired of restarting
but instead of
picking it back up again
never stopping
i will leave it

run away to the closest
state of mind where you
do not
reside
hello Jul 2013
flirting with death

by smoking my life away

throwing it down the toilet

starving my self of lifes good fortune

literally am waiting for

the grim reaper to
knock knock

on my door with a pretty grave

and a comforting hand

but if i had the chance

to re-think it all

i wouldn't give in just yet

feeling the simplest things

like the breeze on my face

a breath of fresh air after

being consumed by so many
tears

and the moments where you feel

like everything will be
alright

but then here i am

flirting with death

leading it on

with words of want

only to shoot it down

with the buts and maybes
and what ifs

death is a one time thing

life isn't always here to stay

so if we are born to die

do deadly things to feel alive

what is the real path

we are taking

if it all just feels like a
big circle?
hello Jul 2013
life is an elevator going up sometimes

with the occasional person who pushes all of the buttons

soon it's a never ending ride

of ups and downs
hello Jul 2013
I feel the snowflakes
In early July
Covering the streets
Shading my eyes in
It's sleet

Snowflakes and sun
Beating down on bare backs
Beaches filled with
Laughing bodies

Still there is a corner
Where a small pale girl
Looks out onto the ocean
Wishing to feel the sun
To feel the warmth
Of anything

Snow tends to pile up
Rain can make it more
Dreary

Haven't felt the safeness
Of the only light
In the sky
For quite some time

It worries me to know
That even if it is
80 degrees

I'm neck deep

In ice crystals
hello Jul 2013
This feeling is synonymous
to being buried alive
Dirt caught in my throat
Rotting my words
Weighing down my sense
Of right and wrong
Saying one thing
Thinking another
I have no idea what
Is happening
Why this is going on
Again
Hoping underground is dangerous
No one is there to hear you
Cry or think
Doing the dangerous things
To keep me alive
Is what I do best
So I will crawl out of this
Burning hole
That is so close to hell
I will fall into your arms
Hoping you will catch me
Without hiding a knife behind
Your back
Like always
There is a front door leading
To my mind
you have locked it
I cannot get in


You cannot get out
hello Jul 2013
Maybe you are refueling what you once pumped into my fragile veins
Maybe I am falling for your eyes again
Maybe I am
I hope I am
I hope I am not
hello Jun 2013
I want to die but I want to live
I see dying as a way out
Living as a locked door
But if I find the key I could
Live in peace
Wait patiently for my turn to go
And be happy about that
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