i  failed   eating,
failed   drinking
failed   not cutting myself into shreds
failed   friendships
failed   sisterhood
failed  mirrors and scales and phone calls
i'm a failure

you tell me to stop crying,
just brush it off,
that everything will be okay,
but you don't know what i'm feeling,
or how much i hurt,
you said just to go on with life, and to forget about it,
but i'm sad,
i don't expect you to understand why,
for no apparent reason i break down and cry,
my life has been changed forever,
you see?
and that is why i'm not acting like the same old me,
i will never be the same again,
not today,
not tomorrow,
but never,

i look at all these memories,
and i began to cry,
i see things, i see people, i can't ever see again,
i see people who i have mistreated, and can't make up,
i feel these memories are killing me,
i see so much i took for granted,
and i cry,
i could never feel those feelings again,
i could never be there again,
i see things that hurt me because i cant really remember them,
i see myself as i was; cruel, stone cold,
i never told anyone how i felt,
i regret that now.,
i see how brave i was at times, and how i backed down,
i see hold care-free i was,
i see now what has consumed my life...greed,
so, now i look at all these memories and i began to cry,
these memories are killing me,
so now old picture book, **goodbye

gasping for air
i cling to whatever's left to anything,
walls closing in room spins,
getting so dizzy,
screaming to myself that this ride needs to end,
the sunshine is now gone,
its about to rain,
i fall to my knees,
i cave,
the tide swept my away,
now i'm lost in the waves,
i'm now too tired to fight,