i'm tired of expiration dates.
i don't want to have to throw a relationship away
as quick as expired milk in the fridge.
i'm worth more than milk.
treat me like i'm more than milk.

3  hours and 30 minutes.
that is the closest distance i've ever lived to someone i've kissed.
i long for the day that
3 hours and 30 minutes
is the farthest distance i have to survive.

sometimes my brain moves in fast motion
my hand is a couples paces behind
my body struggles to keep up
as the words and thoughts crowd my brain
i'm trying to keep up
i can't keep up
why do i need to keep up

it's ironic that you wiped my tears away the second i needed you
but the second you were the cause of my tears
you were nowhere to be seen.

the worst part of all is that i miss you.
and i really hate that i do. and i can sit around all day beating myself up about missing you or i can just let myself. i can let myself think about all the things you did that made me smile and about the way that you complimented my hair, even though we both knew it looked bad. i can think about every time you kissed me and nothing else mattered. i can let myself miss you.
i deserve to be able to miss you.
and then i will think about every lie you told me, i will think about every time you said something that hurt me so bad, and how i covered the pain with my artificial smile, when i deserved to be actually smiling. i will think about how when you kissed me, i know that you wanted to be kissing her instead. i will think about how you did. kiss her instead.
i will think about crying alone in my bed and feeling so inadequate. feeling so ashamed for letting myself cry over someone as mediocre as you.
you do not deserve me missing you.
but i can't change the fact that i do.

i am my own biggest fan
i will not stop liking myself less
just so i can start liking you more
that's not how it works

i do not care about your favorite your favorite food
or the tv shows you watch at night
i want to know what makes you cry
and the songs your mother sang to you when you were little
i want to know the depths of you
and i want you to know the depths of me
small talk is ****
and i won't take part in it.