I'm laying here being highly confused about my life and all I can do is stare into space and pray for an outlet to fall into my lap
An outlet to let me express, let me feel, let me scream
And here I an writing
Because unbeknown to me my prayers were answered long ago
Yet I was too blinded by my need for another's glory that I didn't see mine staring at me, waving at me and calling my name

I haven't found peace
And I'm guessing I should
Like it is fundamental for my journey
Yet my journey has come to a halt
Well at least part of it
Like I'm in one car going at the speed of light
While I'm in car that has stopped moving because it broke down and a guy named Joe refuses to fix it, even though he has all the spanners and whatnots

So while one me is almost at the destination
The other me is hopelessly lost

I've always wanted to be happy, I mean everyone wants to be happy
No likes the festering sadness that bubbles within
No one likes sleepless nights
Not unless they are spent with a lover or a friend you never want to shut up
No one likes sleepless nights
But here they come again

Consistently questioning myself but not my worth

I find myself being more and more drawn in
Being awakened yet being so **** asleep
And realising that in this space
In this hole I dug and named holy
That nothing makes sense
And that I've been planting flowers for years in this hole with the hope something might grow
But it never has
Instead it remains destitute and putrid
It remains destitute and putrid

My boy cinnamon was brave
But he wasn't enough

You were wrapped in enticing packaging
Your name scripted in a luscious gold
Your picture proudly in front showing me what could be mine if I just opened the packet and took a bite
Yet I failed to read your ingredients
Of which hate and bitterness were the most previlent