When this life finally stops, toward the ocean I will find myself.

Sit on the shore, and dig my toes in the sand.

On a foggy day, I'll wander under the dock, and not focus on that ticking clock.

The grey-blue haze, that sits on the washing waves.

Matches the color of my eyes.

I close them and imagine diving into the curling white water.

My legs start to bind together.

And where my ribs used to be, Gills start to piece together.

I swim and swim and twist and turn. And jump.

God it feels so free, just the ocean and me.

My lips spread into a smile, the wind sweeps across my face, and kisses my ears.

A toothy grin.

I open my eyes.

I'm still on this shore.

Standing up, I lightly step some-what on my tippy toes.

The oceans comes up to greet me, licking my feet.

I spread my arms out like I'm on a balance beam.

And turn in circles and start to sing.

Humming softly to myself, singing to the ocean a melody.

I flick the water with my feet, and keep walking in that teasing tide.

I pencil turn, and reach up and back down, drag my fingers in the water.

As I come up, SWISH, throwing the water across the space.The blowing wind, spritzing mist in my face.

I smile and dance, while the ocean and I hold hands.

I laugh and smile all alone.

But its drown out by the oceans dragging moan.

And I sit in the water like I'm 6 years old.

Starring out into that grey-blue foggy world.

I crawl a little deeper and start to slink around.

Touching the sand and smelling the water.

Dear god mother nature, how amazed I am to be your daughter.

Gently letting myself sink, I dig my hands down deep in the sand.

Pulling myself along the floor, letting the sand sweep down my body.

Forcing myself to the top, I briefly stop to rush my lungs with good ole' air.

Before sinking back down, until just my eyes show above the water.

Peepin my peepers back to shore.

And for a minute I see myself sitting there on the shore.

Staring out on the ocean.

I stand up, still wading in the water.

She stands up too. We look at each other from our distance.

Just watching, observing and there's no resistance.

We just stand and stare.

Are we one person or a pair?

I look to my left, and my right.

Look back at her, and wonder if she's alright.

I wave at her and she waves back.

That's all that's done, and we are one, and now we're back and she is gone.

Was she a part of me?

The one looking longingly into the sea?

Or just a figment of who used to be.

Two different worlds, living as one, walking further towards open water.

I move on.

It's getting stormy and starts to rain.

I get antsy and start swaying, with every wave that crashes through my chest.

I wait for the next,

Rolling monster and dive right through it's growling stomach.

So smoothly gliding back to the surface.

It's getting darker and the fog rolls in stronger.

I swim head first, crawling over every wave.

Reaching open water where the waves are much smaller.

Treading I move myself 360.

Nothing and no one but the grey-blue fog around me.

It's an eerie feeling but it feels just right.

Out here with no one-nothing in sight.

I turn on my back and float around, my ears under water listening to the oceans sound.

I can hear myself breathing, and the faint sound of my heart beating.

Ba-thump, Ba-thump, Ba-bathump, Ba-bathump. Beating faster and faster.

Pushing my up out of my daze.

Why had my heart rate started to raise?

Tilt my body back till my feet dangle towards the oceans seemingly never ending depth.

I spin slowly around.

Pure silence except for my treading breath.

I turn around again and again once more.

My eyes stop wide and I nearly sink.

When not 10 feet from mine, a large fin, sitting on a monsters spine.

It's just a fact, there's not much I can do.

But keep treading and despite the view.

Take in this marvelous creature, keep myself calm hoping he's not thinking "I'm gonna eat her!"

But the reality is that fin's getting closer.

I'm not afraid.

Accepting yes, because I am in the presence of greatness.

You have to respect the realm your in, and understand,

If you choose to swim, that you may drown if your not strong.

And you could be devoured before long.

Treading still I keep my will, breath in deep and then exhale.

Creeping closer, unusually slow

The fin disappears somewhere below.

My heart is in my mouth, and my spine feels weak.

I keep breathing slow, in and out.

I look across the water and up at the sky.

I let myself drift a little vertical,

As my pupils line up with the waters edge.

Slowly in this foggy grey-blue blanket.

I pedal myself around.

Not a foot away from me, that fin rises slowly, menacingly.

My eyes lock on that fin, and I watch it pass right around me, back to where it began.

Again and circle twice.

I reached my hand out.

I heard a cry in the night,
A thousand miles it came,
Sharp as a flash of light,
My name, my name!

It was your voice I heard,
You waked and loved me so—
I send you back this word,
I know, I know!

I'll probably go visit my parents on Thanksgiving. I'd hate to miss the way my father nods at my mother's sisters and brothers then steps backward into the shadows until he becomes them. We're having the mess at my aunt's in Seminole. Dad always drives separately. He makes his escape without saying goodbye. Leaving my mother, my sister, my brother, and I to explain the hermit.

I never ride with him. Haven't rode in a car -- just him and I -- since high school. I would lay my head against passenger window. Listen to tires press gravel deeper into the red earth. He never asked my thoughts on God, though a minister. He never asked about my classes, though a former teacher. He never asked about girls, though my father. Glen Campbell, however, he'd talk about Glen Campbell. Claimed I always looked like him. When I was a child, he'd even part my hair sharply and take pictures. What a good, little Glen Campbell. If he took his eyes off the road long enough to hone in on a power line, "Wichita Lineman" inevitably became the topic of conversation. That song would delta off into "Rhinestone Cowboy," "Gentle on My Mind," "By the Time I Get to Phoenix." Soon we'd be in town, knowing each other no better than before the departure. But we arrived. That's something.

To this day, no occasion could coerce me into parting my hair. With the exception of Mr. Campbell's funeral of course.

Tim will love your family. As I did. Still do. I thought he might only be a consolation, but looks like he's a trophy. Happy Thanksgiving, Ms. Anna Prine. I thank you. The fowl of the air thank you. The beasts of the field thank you. Tell them they're welcome.

...

So you want to be rich?
                              You'd like to rule?
                                                     Nothing is better, nothing more cool.
It's really quite simple
                              1...
                                       2...
                                               3...
Just ignore your heart
                                     AND
                                                Release your greed
March as though
                            YOU
                                      own the place
Talk as though
                            YOU
                                       know it all
When someone sobs
                                  OR
                                         someone shirks
Tear them.
                .
                .  down

Or go berserk!

You know I'm right
You know it's true
                                
Who needs
                  family...
                                 friends...
                                                 love...
Being a ****
                    WILL
                                put you above
Girl after girl
                       WILL
                                  chase after you
Simply pretend
                          YOU
                                    know what to do
Want something done?
get THEM to do
                                      The world was made
                                       to be rearranged
Money. Wealth.
                           FAME.
                                         and Power.
Will satisfy
                         YOUR
                                       every hour
Oh...
      You'd rather be warm?
                                  You'd rather care?
Good luck my friend.
                              The world is unfair.

My heart is heavy with many a song
Like ripe fruit bearing down the tree,
But I can never give you one —
My songs do not belong to me.

Yet in the evening, in the dusk
When moths go to and fro,
In the gray hour if the fruit has fallen,
Take it, no one will know.

There is a gentle thought that often springs
to life in me, because it speaks of you.
Its reasoning about love’s so sweet and true,
the heart is conquered, and accepts these things.
‘Who is this’ the mind enquires of the heart,
‘who comes here to ****** our intellect?
Is his power so great we must reject
every other intellectual art?
The heart replies ‘O, meditative mind
this is love’s messenger and newly sent
to bring me all Love’s words and desires.
His life, and all the strength that he can find,
from her sweet eyes are mercifully lent,
who feels compassion for our inner fires.’

Gorgeous girls never flock to me
with my goofy grin and icy feet
Sure some pretty ones come
and talk to me
But I look inside and what
do I see?
Emptiness, some worries about
what people think and a thick
vein of vanity

Don't get me wrong, smooth skin
is nice and makes me think
of giving in, but where's the
beauty of a wrinkled brain?
Where is the darling charm
that comes from thinking?
Give me crows feet from years
of laughing
maybe some scars for kissing
and a stubborn idea or two
to keep me guessing

Because flawless hair is nothing
compared to a flawed but thoughtful
mind
and big chested, large rear-ended
doesn't have scratch on imaginative
and inventive
**** walks combined with hips
can't hold a match to intelligent words
pouring from chapped lips

So here's to hoping that
sometime soon, I'll get the chance
to stumble and fall into a
wrinkled brain romance