In a room full of applause
The fakest friend
Won't clap for you

Pay attention

And there were others it's true
But there's been no one
....no one
since you

I am no one's daughter
I was already missing the night I left
even my heart carried a suitcase
my father turned his face from me
this would be his greatest mistake
that he ever could believe in me
I am no one's daughter
I hug my knees in my chest
like a mantra I repeat my address
but they won't be looking for me
I am no one's daughter

how dare you think that you could matter?

Because I am no one's daughter

The grass is not greener on the other side
The grass is greener because I watered it

Have you ever been alone long enough to where being alone just made more since?

The tears have finally dried and I am thirstiest for revenge

If the butterflies and the seasons can change
why can't I?

I had a fondness for star gazing until our eyes met

You were my universe
But you said you needed space

The night becomes alive with the memory of who we once we're

Too tired to sleep
Too hungry to leave
And too fed up to leave

It's a shame really
I love poetry but can't write it
I love art but can't draw it
And I love you but can't say it

Stop thinking about him he's not going to change

Grief is the price of love

Everything is fine
Until I see models on TV
So I turn off the TV and then
Everything is fine
Until I open up another magazine
And compare myself
To another celebrity
So I close the magazine and then
Everything is fine
Until I walk with my lover down the street
And his head turns to follow a girl and there eyes meet
I make an excuse and go back home and
Everything is fine
Until I close the door behind me and look in the mirror
Suddenly it's all so much clearer
I realize I can't turn off the mirror like a TV I can't close the mirror like a magazine and I can't walk away from it to disappear.
I cry for days
It's me it's me it's always been me
Everything is not fine.
Because I can't make me go away

I'm beginning to wonder if the problems I cannot solve are really just harsh realities that must be accepted

Alcohol hits different when your sad

anxiety
look at you your so pathetic when you can't control your breathing
go ahead and bite your nails
rip them off until there bleeding
don't question me cause your gonna fail
I've thought of every reason for the lies you should keep believing
Have your panics have your attacks
feel the whole world carried on your back
worry excessively
don't bother to mess with me  
I'm the silent killer

They said to write about my life

I took a pen

And wrote your name

And it was in the silence of your hesitation that the answer became clear

It's hard to love a parent that's never around

It's almost like your already in the ground

I have exhausted myself of watering these eyes with tears
But am thirstiest for revenge

Little red Riding hood was not afraid of the big bad wolf
She was the werewolf

Little red Riding hood walked along the trail basket in hand

  Turn back now! It's dangerous said a man

He passed by when little red Riding hood replied: Iam the danger

the moon that lights the sky I look up and hope you see it too

I pray your home tonight waiting for me with you

I let out a sigh thinking on your scent but your face it blurrs

the night becomes alive with the memory of who we we're

save me I lost my way and there is no one to grieve me

Tell me you hear my song I'm desperate for you to believe me

please won't you come my way and take me home to you

Help me I've lost my way and there is no one to grieve me

This use to be a love poem  
I thought I had men figured out
the world was promising back then

like a white horse galloping in
a prince rescued me from my doubts
this use to be a love poem  

My body shook with kiss and sin
a man and woman paradise
the world was promising back then

All good things, they come at a price
was it worth what we fought about?
this use to be a love poem

In my head again and again
I smell his scent on me it's nice
The world was promising back then

I don't grin, my eyes are worn thin
I grow older and go without
this use to be a love poem
the world was promising back then

Have you ever had your heart break so hard it felt like someone was squeezing it like a tether ball?

If you pluck all the petals can it still be called a flower?

I learned the hard way that there were consequences for my choices I woke up every morning for 9 months feeling the weight of that consequences

The only way to heal from your parents is to forgive them then when you forgive them you have to realize that there was nothing to forgive


No one's perfect

When I found out I was pregnant I saw a giant plus sign glaring back at me. I placed my hand over my stomach I pleaded with God...no
I was not happy
When the father found out I was pregnant I saw a scared little boy with...his back to me he said: No!
He was not happy
When my parents found out I was pregnant I saw index fingers pointed back at me. They said: No you ****!
They were not happy
No one was happy
But my daughter my 3 month daughter she looks up at me
she smiles
she doesn't care how she got here.
She chooses
To feel happy.

You made me feel like I was the ocean but I was just a wave all along

I feel sad today
Everyday blurrs into the next
Morning comes but there's nothing there for me
Tomorrow will be the same as today
Tomorrow is today
The silence in my head fills me with angst
The baby in my stomach fills me with dread
Nothing is real
But these feelings these feelings that don't pass
I can't **** them in there sleep
There attached to me

hot tears lick my face my heart pumps acid into my veins I'm boiling over and over and over and over again about the same things
when does the healing process start?
are there some wounds that time cannot mend? are there some apologies that cannot take away the hurt? when there are things done that cannot be undone?

You said to love myself
So I left you

I thought becoming a Mother would bring me closer to my own


......it didn't

Dear God just make the thoughts stop please

I'm pregnant with your baby

You come home I feed you dinner

I fold your clothes I do your laundry

Then got on my knees to **** you off

I don't expect a thank you but Sometimes when I cry it be nice if you didn't swear that I'm crazy

Or Secretly wish I was thinner

Every mistake every wrong move it's always on me

Make it all to stop

Take me back to when I was my own lady

I was my own winner

Nothing stood beyond me

That I couldn't take handle or adopt

And I've cried enough tears to know they eventually dry off

And I've heard of men like you
You cry ***** the loudest
But are thirstiest for my blood

You said you were happy
But happy is a feeling
And feelings change

First it thrilled me
Untill it killed me

I was told as a child:

you can be anything you want anything at all. This is your life. You can choose what you want for your life. This choice is yours to make.

But when I grew older and wanted to take my own life I was told:

Think about your family! What about the other people in your life?! How selfish.

Suddenly this life of mine to choose or make was no longer mine and mine alone to take.

Spare me the ******* of how someone else's death forces the inconveniences of uncomfortable self reflection.

You had it backwards. It wasn't selfish of me to die. It was selfish of you to ask me to live.

What if the reason you can't fix yourself is because you were never broken to begin with what if it's just your way of thinking that Is?