So quick to flare
A struggle to hold
A battle to contain
Monumental to behold
With just the spark
Of a single word
To a raging inferno
It burns, undeterred
The tinder of hurt
Feeds the hungry flame
It burns out of control
With no sense of shame
It shrieks with a fury
Of unspoken pain
It flays at the flesh
With little disdain
The black pit it leaves
Once burnt its course
Leaves a deep well
For the tears of remorse
To pool in the dark
Then in a lightening flash
The emotion of Anger
Is turned to ash

20/04/2010

I said to you I Love You
As plain as words can be
You whispered back softly
Why do you love me?
Hesitating ever so slightly
How do I form the words?
Expressing a lifetime of happiness
Into just one tiny clause…
To turn the world upside down
With only a small smile
A light inside the darkness
To make it all worthwhile
A laugh to capture the moment
Where happiness is complete
A smile, a shrug, pride in hand
A solid stance against defeat
A tear that’s shed for all that’s lost
A heart with a room for tender
A sigh for all that has gone before
A place of all remembered
You ask me why I Love You
Three words that gave me pause
A secret smile will touch my lips
To utter…
Just Because

~21.07.2010~

I don't have many of them
most are far from me
but I have this one friend
who means everything to me
This friend is not just a friend
but also a confidante
this friend knows my weaknesses
and also knows my heart
This friend is a piece of me
that feels like it is missing
the peace of me, my conscience
that is always insisting
you can do it, just believe
spirit be with you
If I could replay, a thousand fold
my friends wishes,
however true, I'd play them back
to them, because their wishes
should come true

I'm unable to label
myself as thus
as I only play
in their garden
and as such

I am untitled

I am none of the above

But if I wanted to be
*I could be all

It sat empty for so long
the lines became so faded
Memories drift as half sung songs
and reality became jaded

One stoke, two,
a half formed thought
three words, four words
a sentence fought

a think bubbles appears
behind my eyes
exploding with images
my mind denies

another scratch upon the page
another crumpled piece of heart
start again, all over
but these images never depart

All I'm asking is you spill dark secrets
Upon a crisp sheet of white
and if ever you see Red blended
know I didn't lie that night

I think I would not like to be
a single tree on a barren prairie
for you see I'd be a rarity
eager to be culled by all that see

I think I would not like to be
a mermaid drifting out at sea
for you see even though I'm me
I'm an oddity not allowed to be free

I know I would never want to
be just a possession you have got to
Own!
Where is my voice?

I know I would never want to
be an oddity you have just got to
Possess!
Where is my choice?

We built this city
On the blackened ash
Of white splintered bones
Thrown out like trash
On piles of rubble
Never built to last
Sleeping with one eye open
And one foot in the past
With walls made of glass
And foundations of false hope
We built this city
Hoping for synchronicity
Never realising it was a slippery *****!

Don't give me your abject phrases
or your artfully placed sighs
Don't give me your diluted praises
that leak from your blinded eyes
Don't give me a disjointed speech
that starts with the letter I
Don't give me verbations that leech
from your ever loving lies
Don't give me your pretending
because I don't believe in that ****
Don't give me your never ending
*I'm never going to get it!

lah de dah de dah de dum
lah de dum de dum de dah
lah de dah de dah de dum
la dah dum de lah de dah

they called it a stroke
even then, I understood
but I never got the answer

You never spoke again
so I interpreted for you

*My journey has just begun
I travel, but not far
My journey has just begun
You must stay where you are

In the silence of the raindrops
as we lay together on the tide
I'm affected by the thunder
as you slumber by my side
I want to reach out to you
and let the lightening arc
I want to throw my body
over you, to shelter you
from the dark
I want to let the rainfall
be the rhythm that enhances
I want to let the thunder whisper
the intricacies of our dances
I want to let the lightening speak
of our most profound intimacies
I want this unusual occurrence
to be about just you and me

one day

it was decided

we should end

one day

was all it took

to say goodbye

to my only friend

one day

I hope we see

beyond the pain

the laughter

and the capers

one day

I hope

you pause

to reflect

and want to sign

the divorce papers

one day

don't even know why I wanted
to shape this as a poem
perhaps because Poetry is
the only Love
that ever loved me back
it's all I've ever known
despair lays heavily on a heart
that beat for so many others
now it just beats for one
and even then I wish I could
just stop it, shock it into dying
it beats for no reason, each season
it tick tocks upon the rocks
of where it has been bashed
by another's unsupported anger
unjustifiably angry with no reason
but I don't ******* care anymore!
Used, abused and given little hope
that I made a difference in breathing
just a little same oxygen that you do
it's irrelevant that the eyes are unseeing
the heart is still beating
just don't ******* care!

Do you?

The Trek

How far is too far to walk?
To journey into the abyss?
How far should you go, to drop memories into a pit?
How far did you walk today?
How many breaths did you steal?
How many ropes did you bind, around fragile wrists
in hopes they struggle so you can feel?

What's the road like to Hell?

My only being
Other than just me
Ticked upon a clock
Heard by the second
Every other thought stopped
Remarkably I shook

Being the centre
Less the universe
Every little thing
Solidified each corner
So proud of my Son/Daughter
Enchanting my life
Down to the last quarter

Being the centre of a tiny life
Enriches more than fantasy

Another day, another's breath
Narrows the arrows of what may be

Another holds your heart in hands
Noting that no one stands in stone
Guess I always wanted a
Eulogy that would make
Little footsteps not walk alone

While others keep on trying
In indelible artifice
Trying hard to hold onto things
Hiding their tears in pillows
Only to have their diamonds
Uncut their bleeding fist
Tightly grasped, un thrown

We give birth, we give life
In eternal gratitude
Never do we ask
Give us back what we give you
Should you never feel you could

Written to the music of Passenger: Let Her Go... how apropos ;-)

may you never
know the strike
before it
becomes a blow
may you hope
to escape before
it starts to snow
hope you will never hate
what you've never known

may you only hope
that it will someday end
may you wish
you could only bend
may you never hate
what you've never known

and you've never known

Staring at the bruises on your face
one day you loved and the next you hate
but reality comes slow and you've grown so fast

You see yourself through your own eyes
and one day you'll wonder why
you prayed silently every night

may you never
know the strike
before it
becomes a blow
may you hope
to escape before
it starts to snow
hope you will never hate
what you've never known

may you only hope
that it will someday end
may you wish
you could only bend
may you never hate
what you've never known

Catching tears in the bottom of a glass
bleeding internally, drinking emptiness so fast
but the world won't last

But you see them truly when they rise
rolling so they don't spy upon your thighs
bruised so deep, fingerprints you will keep

may you never
know the strike
before it
becomes a blow
may you hope
to escape before
it starts to snow
hope you will never hate
what you've never known

may you only hope
that it will someday end
may you wish
you could only bend
may you never hate
what you've never known


and you've never known

If you find yourself just drifting
the anchor you seek is at your door
It's the one who stands holding it open
as you lay dying upon the floor
If you seek answers to the questions
that keep you wondering instead
Seek the one who offered their chest
for a place to lay down your head
If you find your mental telepathy
clouded by a million different voices
The one that speaks without moving lips
Is the one you need to rejoice in
For their communication is spoken
from eyes that have stripped a soul bare
and their touch remains unbroken
fingertips upon skin is not solitaire
Note to Self, not a whole
not just a half, not even a tiny part
Broken into a million pieces
A small part of another Heart

So many times, she had fallen down
as each blow sent her to the ground
She swallowed the blood from her lips
while mentally tallying her chips

As each verbal knife serrated her heart
she managed to save just a small part
and tucked it away beneath her soul
knowing it was needed to make her whole

She kissed lips that poisoned her mind
digging fingernails into hips not so kind
Alternating between Heaven and Hell
the music changed, and she could tell

By the slow cadance of a sultry beat
and the true meaning of passions heat
she took steps that were just a chance
She finally learnt she knew how to dance

we've come a long way
from the days when we
passed notes between mates
secretly pretending
the words on the page
meant nothing
hiding them in pockets
to take them home
to smooth them against
the bed, reading every word
again and again and again
we've come a long way
from leaving little pieces
of paper, parts of our soul
on pillows and in bedside draws
from scribbled messages
on bathroom mirrors
written in lipstick the colour of
Siren Red and Bleeding Crimson
breaking out of our prison
we've come a long way
to being able to say
how much we mean
how hard it is to say the words
how easy it is to shove letters
into verse and choke
it's a long way from face to face
conversations that evoke imagery
from our distant dreams
it seems we've come a long way
with *Poetry

Hey! How are ya?

Yeah...
see those pretty pictures on the front of the card?
I've not really been there!
I've never really left my front yard
I've not pictured Winter
I've never been cold
I may have once been abused
and the story never got told
Buf it was a long time ago
and so the journeys ending

Pictures on a Postcard
can be so telling

Here I go again my friends
on a journey fraught with fear
I promise to send
a postcard now and then
with a picture
and a scribbled
*Wish you were here

I knew your name

but, who are you?

I cried to hear

you died!

***!

Did you read my mind?

That could have been me

totally

Maybe I'm jealous

you took the next step

TOTALLY HOW IT COULD HAVE
BEEN ME, BUT IT WASN'T!

I can be hurt and broken
I can be slightly off key
I can be silently soft spoken
but don't listen to me
I can be repressed and angry
I can be secretly ******
but don't listen to me
because there are some things
I missed
I forgot to tell you about
how I finally got that hug
and when I got an I Love You
from my Daughter
whom I adore more than above
I never come back to say
that the beaten path
was more a simple stroll
inside a park
When the clouds moved away
and it was a beautiful day
I forgot to take back
my darkest thoughts
I left out how so much joy
fills my ever changing world
don't listen to me
when I'm stuck in a moment
those petals have unfurled
It's a garden sometimes neglected
until there's evidence of a tree
and little sprouts of glad flowers
don't listen to me

after stabbing you repeatedly
I tossed you out into my front yard
along side all the rest of the other
lying cheating *******!

*Won best decorated house for Halloween...

I never intended to be
a writer of poetry
most times it simply
wrote me
alas, now just bleached bones
of a ship sailed too close to shore
a carcass of denial
forevermore

The sound of running water is soothing.

Ritualistic, by nature, it just flows and pools until it stills, to be able to reflect back a scene that is silent, if you stay frozen long enough, staring, it captures a picture like a photograph. Still, unmoving…

Inside the steam that rises is like an early morning fog that delights the human eye because it can’t see beyond the ugliness that lies outside its door. Inside the fog, a whole new world is created. Something else, becomes more…

In the silence of the water no longer running and the steam that evaporated and has taken away the message from the mirror that you wrote, who knew it would run away to hide?

There is now the choice of a weapon of disposal. A choice that would forever be the marking of a soul, never caring, will never take a side.

Standing in front of a still whisper of water that is ready to receive a body that is intrinsically woven within its own fabric and ready to step back into a time when it was just, was... a time when it ebbed and flowed and could just be…

As a sacrifice, the robe drops from naked skin, dancing, floating, to pool at feet that have walked through fire, have been burned by ice, that have traveled a road that should have never been walked and ended up with photographs, of things, that nobody, NOBODY, should ever have to dream (as nightmares) let alone live, or see…

Sinking below tepid water to wash away every sin that has ever been, ever was, or, God Forbid, should ever be. There is horror looking upon sights that most would consider evil or gory, but still they tell their own story.
Looking down through clear, still water, it’s still possible to see, everything, including all imperfection, in all it’s glory.

Taking the weapon of choice, a razor sharp edge, like a sword that has been swung to defeat all its foes, it is forged by the fires of Hell to cut through skin and bone, to bathe the water red, to hide all the imperfections from a sight that is never blind…

It’s not beautiful, but it is bliss, there is no beauty inside a world that takes away a haunted soul that thinks the only way is to make it to the water, to be washed away on a tide of self hope and never think about the shore that it has left behind…

Nov 28, 2010

Did we not just sit together
and dine upon thy own hearts?
Did we not just sit across
from each other
as we fed upon
each others 'left alone' parts?
Did we not just sip upon
each others open vein?
Did we not just smile a ****** grin
and decide to not assign blame?
Did we not just pick apart
the carrion of the past?
Did we not just lick our lips
at the end of a remarkable repast?
Did we not just sit together
and enjoy just chewing the fat?
Did we not just dine together?

*I doubt that...

We both knew it would never be enough
when we both tried to walk away
We said our goodbyes to an overladen sky
if only one of us had tried to stay

We could have laughed, we could have  cried
we didn't have to say goodbye
Only both us did know
when the tears fell to the snow
there was nothing left to try

Then summer came
and thawed our hearts
we both started again
A river flowed
and a conscious glowed
New beginnings became an end

We laughed, we cried
we forgot where we started to be
we lived
we'll die
forgetting it was you and me

So please don't forget me
as the river starts to dry
my tears are never ending
unrelenting from my eyes
So please don't forget me
Even though we said goodbye
We tried...
*we tried...