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  Feb 2015 Helen
Bazookio
I wake to find
An aching in the grey
My plans in disarray

My peace of mind
Shattered by the fray
A scene from yesterday

Callow and kind
Innocent and blind
Reason enough to stay

So far behind
Intention lost in time
Now too afraid to stray

Set me free - set me free
Set me free - set me free
been such a long time coming
I forgot that I've been running

Set me free - set me free
Set me free - set me free
I've no desire to stay
so i'm stepping out to find a better way


So sick and tired
Of all that is mundane
Numbing out my brain

Unable to explain
Confined to single lane
Borderline insane

I’ll shed my skin
stop sinking in the shame
of my alleged sin

so stretched and thin
can’t wait to leave
but where do I begin?

Set me free - set me free
Set me free - set me free
been such a long time coming
I forgot that I've been running

Set me free - set me free
Set me free - set me free
I've no desire to stay
so i'm stepping out to find a better way


A twinge of excitement, unfamiliar and queer
begins to escalate, and weaken my knees
I feel it spread beneath my bodies veneer
taking control like a delightful disease

Pretty soon I’m overcome by the feeling
of an electrifying sense of unease
with every sense within writhing and reeling
I get up and start to reach for my keys

My luck is changing, and its hard to explain
the little trickle is becoming a flood
I start to let go of the heartache and pain
The very thought begins to quicken my blood

No longer brittle, strong enough to spurn - my
loathsome memories evaporate fast
So with a smile upon my face I turn
and raise my finger in salute to the past

Set me free - set me free
Set me free - set me free
been such a long time coming
I forgot that I've been running

Set me free - set me free
Set me free - set me free
I've no desire to stay
so i'm stepping out to find a better way


(c) bazookio 2014
Have a listen to this wee tune for yourself -
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2IUfoIVpc-s
(copy + paste link)
would love to hear what you think.

Sung by the ridiculously enchanting voice of Kelly Baigent.
Bass strings plucked by the very fingers of Garreth Smith himself.
Helen Feb 2015
Just so you know, this is really long.... like reallllyyy long :)
Found this while going through some old word docs on my computer. I took my HP Words Used in order and made them into a poem....

Just like day  
life will know  
that time will  
make eyes  
at a heart  
Love will depart
night has left  
Gone away  
You want to  
face a world  
inside words  
I think  
in the end  
head is sorry  
to say  
the hand really  
tried little  
to look pretty  
beneath a soul  
Body is not right  
skin is brittle  
breath is long  
thought is lost  
in a cold way  
touch will lay  
in the light home  
lips cause pain  
he's callous  
in his hold  
Try to be open  
perfect is gone  
I wanted, hated trying  
to still feet at the bed  
Sure, you asked  
with a smile and hope  
going beyond
all things death  
dark voice  
tears live inside
a red place  
darkness makes things
small  
sitting doesn't  
mean walk  
My wish is just waiting  
for a kiss to hide  
easy dreams feel  
it’s been years  
since my friend  
became my man  
I got tired of lying  
You came to the floor  
rain was happy to sit  
but it took to the ground  
and hell has hands that
held sleep longer  
than it took to fall  
a song, perchance?  
We pretend to dance  
for hours before the door  
will be ready to close  
The start of the old sun days  
standing gentle, saw hurt  
today, in the mirrored glass  
she's ready to tell  
the blood moon  
mind the lie  
thinking on a broken  sigh  
Even if the door  
looked broken  
it wasn't  
I won't waste minutes  
to stand outside  
I matter enough  
to leave
on a high  
looking free  
Beyond a black moment  
set in stone  
is the dream from long ago  
indeed, all it will need  
is a girl to slowly remember  
the past  
Leaves that are dead  
are hard to beat  
I knew, I felt  
at the table  
I was naked  
but with a good morning  
talk was easy to stay  
I rest on yesterday  
and wonder turned  
and makes me question
If goodbye takes reason  
I hear it does  
Soft hate in arms  
that blind the eye  
drink from the earth  
for fear comes  
to make me forget  
I sleep beneath a sky  
deep in coming memories  
the word of the new  
silky hair and sharp fingers  
don’t care to fly in the breeze  
far from being beautiful  
it sat boringly  
saying ok  
bring me to the baby  
as tiny antidotes
goes to play  
white in the snow,
Wrong is a thing of beauty  
that would not ask for wings  
Don’t miss the woman  
tomorrow where a line  
is crossed and being afraid  
half I died when dirt  
skidded beneath the car  
understand the bare turn  
are just thoughts and guess  
best is the taste
of a single truth
Die for your god  
the fact can be
different  
It sits I believe  
and is best seen  
on a more secular path  
Sweet entreaties stop  
your simple time in space  
caught softly as you walked  
I whisper to your integrity  
in the middle I remain  
demons  cut   oh  
It’s worth leaving  
without an answer  
Gently emotion  
rounds the corner  
step into my headspace  
it knows , It’s tried  
sad that it died so young  
Street hugs the silence  
silently lies are whispered  
Never a mistake  
been left so hungry  
10w fight against the walls  
I gave eyes to watch  
No question, no touch
Warm people are real  
sound and emotions  
are holding friends true  
begin where the door closed  
an angel on the phone  
choice is not in the looks  
rainbow glitter is spent  
on children at the edge  
of a gaze, their scream  
is big, asking to sing  
angry at snow sheets  
bent listening for escape  
You've wondered  
you couldn't tell  
we've all been listening  
you'll spend seconds  
maybe hot  
wanting forever  
to run from Hell
Room for better hearts
pure agony  
for those that fell  
Able fingertips glow  
heartbeats listen  
and actually loved  
piece of blue mystery*
Precious lullaby of Love  
yes we cry bleeding  
into an ocean of wind  
I was told you stopped  
to stare  
watching all laid bare
while outside roses  
ancient but never picked  
found sin  
in a riot of colour  
You noticed, janet  
what's her name
was a 10  
Lies sense used words
that break bone  
make you wait  
staring accusingly  
but continue needs  
are watched next to the river  
breakfast was bad  
Times lets us all think
everything is fine  
stars burn, decided reality  
is warmth with a mate  
pick one from the universe  
Memory sits beneath a tree  
second to understanding
mist curls in breeze
bright and tight  
the image in the mirror  
walks with eyes closed  
and watches with ears instead  
Crack is bound to break
a road  
captured and cracked  
My dear  
I claim  
I waited  
seven miles away  
Your date with gabriel  
was met with silent curse  
Tonight was fun  
I mouth in anger  
Kisses from the pocket  
breathe laughter  
I just feed apart  
from the burning lonely cry
I heard form short  
of being born  
strong lives taken  
shed simply  
dropped to knees  
trapped in lot  
of empty heat  
Early I ran  
in a body that holds scars  
point at my pants
dry pockets frown  
Quietly over coffee  
summer fed a knife  
with a grace  
that never cared  
if sisters weep  

19/12/2013
Words used are in actual order as found in my list of words used... at the time I wrote this :)
Helen Jan 2015
He stood in the doorway
watching her sleep
His hands pressed
to his chest
whispering promises
he could not keep

He stood right next to her
his hand trembling, mid air
took one step back, then another
so he was no longer there

She lay upon sheets of silk
her back a work of Art
her scissored legs and arms
flung wide,
as though she was torn apart

She waited with breath held tight
her eyes closed and lungs burning
She wanted as though
time was right
Her world was centred
with her yearning

He hesitated to touch
such fragile beauty
his encroachment in her space
seemed an impregnable fortress
so he stood back
just to stare at her face

But she had raised the portcullis
and lowered the drawbridge

He just needed to storm
the castle
and dwell forever
where she lives
after story: but he never did, he never took what he wanted, he stood outside and waited to be asked in, she eventually raised the drawbridge and shut the gate.
Helen Jan 2015
She sits upon a single stool
in the middle of the kitchen
Gazing upon congealed food
and hopes she is forgiven
for gazing upon the knife block
wishing every living thing dead
She doesn't have a problem
cleaning up the blood of others
but, what goes on in her head
Is her hatred for violence
Her absolute despise of distrust
Her almost implacable resolve
to make it dead, if she must
She abhors the deadly whispers
that critiques her daily choices
She sits alone upon a stool
trying hard to ignore the voices
feels... unfinished
Helen Jan 2015
The road behind bares us a backdrop, too many nights find us fractured in our thoughts and the dreamers we once were are far from the two people who stand today.

We're broken, mere splinters of our shipwreck past, driftwood on a shore that drowns every time the ocean breathes.
The path is littered with slaughtered dreams that didn't bleed.

As time and tide wait for no man shall we find it a tragic scene?
simply erased with the sunsets demise?
No one gets away without a scar and mine speak a road map to chaos
and a found hello to you.

Mine own scars are fingertips
gouged into the sand and faded
but salted by tears of the ocean, inerasable by the tide.
A soul washed up upon the shore, a road map etched delicately into fine bones.
You can trace where I'd been before. All roads lead to your hello.

In broken lines and have uttered phrases and one too many empty night.
Backdrop of chaos does paint in the darkest colors you could ever imagine .

How does it gets so flawed by our own creations and vices my dear?
Does it still ring ever so true?

The bell rings true whispering distant voices
Empty nights are just bottles lined up as dead soldiers
We contemplated our own truths and fell victim to our own vices
The backdrop is black, no colour beneath skin.
Honestly? Where does our downfall begin?

Two ships underneath the nightscape past the spark once understood the flame and nothing more .
In empty alleys, like cats to prowl, we find our moments, and then bury our thoughts to lay for no others to see.

half written papers and half heard conversation the keys of the piano haunt the silence as myself shadows that still remain.

Nothing is but a thought and those are like dead flowers laid to waste a reflection of far better times

The night crawls to meet the day as it has so many times before.

The thought of the minds bottle lay empty upon the table.
A fond farewell is but a sugar coated goodbye.
And I seldom have minced my words to mask their sting.

The page forever bleeds.

Pages that lay scattered on a ***** floor
Bleeding ink into cracks
that will forever more
hide the spirit of our souls
It has been truly my honor to co write this John : Enjoy
Helen Jan 2015
Did you see the moon fall
as the sun lit up the sky?
Did you feel the rain crawl
upon cotton sheets
and silken thighs?
Did you hear the thunder
and feel the tug of silken thread
that wove around my fingers
surrounding your beautiful head?
Did you hear the sirens call
their song thrown to the sky?
The melody, a throaty growl
ending on a soft but whimpering cry?
Questions that don't need answers
drowning in sweet lullabies
The universe has exploded
Held captive within your eyes
Helen Jan 2015
You're my favorite pastime
You're the flavor of all my years
You're the beat that starts my heart
You're the salt that tints my tears

You're the red haze of my anger
and the white mist as it clears
You're the new leaf on my tree
and the root of all my fears

You're my every kiss goodnight
You're my sunrise in the morning
You're my thought throughout the day
You're my moon as the night is dawning

You're my cup of coffee
you're my drink of wine
You're my shot of whiskey
You're my everything that is fine

You are so perfect in my head
so perfect in my heart
so perfect in the beginning
even more perfect at the last

You're my best friend, my lover
my partner and my all
You're the foundation of all of me
Without you I may fall

You're the one who taught me
that one plus one equals us
though the equation is now minus
I trust to go on, I must...
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