I have scratched out my journey across a mountain of pages and each and every time I’ve filed away a book, I’ve mourned the trees, compassion is not something I lack.

I have been thankful that they took each and every step with me and as each notebook closes I retreat to my back yard to plant another seed.
I’m happy to give back.

The million litres of ink that have been bleed beneath my fingers and have spread to stain my hands as my life raced across the pages has not been spilled in vain if one day the moldy old box is opened and the dust is blown from the covers and a futuristic version of me delights in the find, and hears beyond the echo of the scratching of tortuous proportions to see a life that was fun filled pain.

So much chatter, most of it doesn’t matter, little tidbits float along on a swollen creek that has never actually seen much rain.

Tiny little letters run across a barren land and accidentally collide into one another because they have no coherency while all the Big words sit in their gilded towers and watch, and wait, drinking the finest Port they can find while mocking the chaos below with ridicule and disdain.

Little bits and pieces have been scattered to the wind...
Thrown into the air, as an offering of peace, to the ancient scourge that is the birds.

I guess this would probably make much more sense if I could only just find the right words….

Jan 9 (two thousand and something)

embarrassing

my mistake
rolling from under
trapped sheets
exposing
my lady bits

my mistake

so tactless
to pretend
we had been
intimate

so tactless

my mistake

embarrassing

Hush my darling don’t say a word

I lay a slender finger upon your lips

I didn’t see anything
But I surely heard

and I give a delightful wiggle
of my hips

I forgive you, I do

They are words of the ******

I haven’t forgotten
we were always meant
to be together
but it’s not like you
Remembered
all our well rehearsed
and thought out plans

You look at me through blank eyes
but with a curious smile
on your lips

It’s almost…

Mysterious

No, don’t say it, you don’t have to explain
and I’m not ready to hear your pain
If I can let go
and show you
that I’m not unhappy
that my heart is unworthy
your little black mark upon my soul
is less than a stain

This is where you should refrain

You’re laying still, a little cold,
as the sweat has dried upon your skin
Perhaps I should shut the window
but the fresh air is a balm
to the warmth that has delighted me
and has carried away
all that has frightened me
and there is nothing left
that reminds me of Sin

You’ve served me well
and as I understand
we’ve come a long way
without sinking in the sand
I gave you Love and Hope
and Happiness and Trust

You gave me the illusion
that I should have thought twice
even though
there were two of us
and I should have needed
more than just naked Lust

All this is whispered
from my roughly kissed lips
as I roll up my stockings
and retrieve a part of my heart
that I missed

But I know, just by looking at you
that you haven’t heard a word
that I said
because you are

Sleeping

or

*Dead

Digging deep in my despair

Empty eyes are watching me

Rabid vultures stop to stare

I’m digging deep to flee

Digging deep toward the fire

Sinking deeper into the pit

Skin flaming with manic desire

I’m digging deeper than I admit

Digging deep into fertile soil

Fading slowly as time warps

Clarity with distortion

The perfect foil

Finally I’m in deep enough

To bury your ****** corpse