how I can taste rain
and feel colours
or fake a smile
when I feel pain

how I juggle chances
and question silence
or how I can sit a while
and scream for answers

how I can pretend
when the end is near
there is no hand holding
no one to hold dear

how all that I had
I'm reminded of at the end
and how I'm being forced
to begin again

I'm unable to label
myself as thus
as I only play
in their garden
and as such

I am untitled

I am none of the above

But if I wanted to be
*I could be all

say it again
how you need me
to make your decisions
is that how you see me
as your counsellor?
Not a mate or partner
or as someone who walked
by your side.
Someone you could
confide in
or  just someone, behind
you could hide?
My skirt is certainly
volumous enough
My arms could hold
back a monster tide
with just a bucket
Take my advice
and spit on it
ground it beneath your heel
and yell how I'm not fit
to tell you how
I know you,
Own it
Take the shoe
and make it fit
*I'm over it

I'm a size 14
European
I don't know what that is
in American
it's not a zero I think..
It's probably a cross between
overly skinny
bordering on chunky
not fit to be seen
in tank top and shorts
but when it's hot, it's hot
I'm not attractive
but cool
but I'm not lean
too many temptations
too many treats
I've never walked a mile
in another's shoes
I've never made it
to the end of the street
because my three children
throughly used me
abused my body
and then abruptly left me
I'm not so undesirous
that their Father turned away
In fact, to him
I'm curvelicious
and I don't even care
if that's a word
or not
I'm a big girl
I'm healthy
I'm loved
by a lot more people
than the anorexic girl
who snarled at me
when she wanted my man
but he was happy to stay
with the body that loved him
night and day