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Helen Sep 2013
You came to me
at an impressionable time
I was young and heart weary
some would have called it leary
of a kind face and a gentle word
I was not pretty or experienced
my facade a concrete palace
my body scarred with malice
No, I wasn't pretty, I never looked
to be sure
but told enough times,
so I heard
You rolled the dice
and came up with snake eyes
I wasn't surprised
I got lost in the world
but I never saw myself
You came to me
in my dreams, in my fantasies
reflected in the rain
on my window
and in tears of pain
collected in jars labeled Sorrow
you continually asked me
how I saw myself?
Truth denied, I just hide
I have never  seen myself so
how could I know?
All mirrors I have looked into
are just sheets of glass
showing me faces, staring at me
pointing and laughing and joking
and never once with any hint
of emotion
Like Love or Sincerity
or Acceptance
I just continually tend to expect
Less, you know?
because I've never seen how people
see me...
I've no reflection of me
just opinions, you see?
The ones that stand on the other side
of the glass and judge me
are my own eyes looking
straight through me
Then you came to me
standing in the bathroom
head down, pretending
the faces behind the glass
weren't mocking me for once
and you stood behind me
with a hand beneath my chin
and raised my face to the glass
and asked
Tell me what you see?
I saw your face, all angled grace
with glittering eyes
and winsome smile
and an expression that begged of me
to see what you see
then I looked into the mirror
and replied with aching truth
Between the furrowed lines
and scars of time
I see people laughing
taunting that you couldn't
possibly want me
I see...
Me
Everyday since I've held my head high
and looked at that sheet of glass
waiting to see your reflection behind me
and I ask myself
How could I see your eyes
looking at me, glittering
but when I search for my own
I only ever see
faces in glass, jeering me
but I never, ever ask the glass
Why I'm alone
Helen Sep 2013
just a blessing in a sneeze
just a cracked sidewalk
treaded endlessly with no talk
just an empty cereal box
just an unanswered knock
just an endless dial tone
because there's nobody to phone
just a wasted space
just another face
just another place
that kisses our mistakes
just like leaves in the breeze
nobody believes
we can touch another
and not leave a mark
Helen Aug 2013
I once thought
It was perfect of me
to be perfect for you
until
I was imperfect of you

Then it was perfectly
Okay
of me
to be
Imperfect
you see?
I'm not perfect
for you
But I'll do
for me
Helen Aug 2013
leaves are just fallen
and Spring is so far away
why does the warmth stray?
Helen Aug 2013
we've fought over so many things
the reason you won't come home
how the rock in the ring is a stone
how your beady eyes like to roam


we've fought over so many things
like how the meal is not ready
like how the chair upon you sit, unsteady
like how each conversation is thready


we've thought over many things
like how you think I'm a mistake
like how I think you're rake
like how we both would love to make


a new start
with a different heart


we've fought over many things
we've thought over many things
we've cursed a blue streak that's royal
but I'll never let you have the one thing
that has only ever been to me
*loyal
Helen Aug 2013
To have a hand hold mine
and a voice in my ear
telling me whispers of laughter
chasing away a fear

To have an arm around my back
and a palm at my nape
giving me encouragement
while making sure I dont escape

To have someone sit beside me
and pretend we're not both cold
To have some pride in me
as we both grow old

Sometimes, I forget what it's like
to not be alone
Then I look over,
*and you're gone...
Helen Aug 2013
You asked me if
I could remain?
I asked you if
you felt the same?
You asked me if
there was another?
I asked you if
it would be a bother?
You asked me if
you were a start?
I asked you if
you had a heart?
You asked me if
we had time, or space?
I asked you if
you knew the perfect place?
You asked me if
you could be my friend?
I asked you if
you were perfect at pretend?
You asked me if
We should just kiss goodnight?
I asked you if
you thought it would make it right?
You asked me if
things  could be different?
I told you
*Get bent
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