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Helen Apr 2013
On this day I held your hand
as you took your last breath
as the darkness claimed your life
I sunk within its depth
I followed you into the darkness
for I could not let you go
You let me come for a time
then you told me as it is so
That I must remain behind
I could not follow you
as I howled inside the pain
you whispered words so true
All that I have taught you
are all the things I hold dear
All the things I imparted to you
are all the reasons you can’t stay near

In a few short weeks you will be 72
but numbers have no meaning
There is no reason to the years gone by
Time can be so fleeting
So I raise my glass to you, My Daddy
as time will never tell
If you found your own piece of Heaven
while I struggle through my own Hell
I wrote this nearly a year after he passed. Now it's been nearly 5 years and the tears still flow... numbers have no meaning.....
Helen Apr 2013
Beautiful, reborn
to a life you could not be
But you are not me

I am hunted for
my beauty for all to see
Pinned upon a board

My wings pulled outwards
stretched tight for the world to see
You still don’t see me

An exhibition
Another crucifixion
on a piece of wood

I appreciate
that you want to capture love
by my perfect form

but don't **** me so
you can set yourself free, just
Appreciate me

Do not pin me up
like a poster child of love
I am more like you

Creature of beauty
that is bound by a duty
To be, not to do
Helen Apr 2013
Because of you

I am afraid
to unleash the torrent
of emotions
that will leak
into your pores
which will scar
your precious body
like whip marks
that will lash
with all the words
I’ve said

Because of you

I am more comfortable
cozening up
to the demons
in my head

Because of you

I will never lay down
to die

Because of you

I continue on
******* in your sweet breath
and coexisting
on your sigh

Because of you

I should have been
dead

Because of you

I have no strength

Because of you

I’ve learnt to live
with love
and found endurance
to break the mold
and to escape hate
when all the while
I was stronger because
I stayed

Because of you*

I am afraid
Helen Apr 2013
Red
       tulips

I'm gasping as he held me
tightly

I love Red tulips,
they're my favorite


I can't remember the question
but that was the answer

I'm riding a prized stallion
trying to slow him into a walk
he's kicking up a fuss, bucking me

Then there's the slap
Crack

and an apology
a kiss
       *a caress


the question is asked again

the answer is the same
(now I remember)

Red tulips

I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirrored surface

****! I'm pretty!

surgical steel slips through the gaps
of the imperfect protection
designed to guard a heart
with room to twist

Even in a haze of red
I'm still ****** pretty

Laying on a mound of freshly dug earth
are
     a hundred
                     Red tulips

*He didn't forget
Helen Apr 2013
I was struggling with the demons
that sat on the bar stool
on the left, groping me

He was standing to the right
his arm around my shoulders
curling his long fingers in the hair
at the nape of my neck
while laughing at something
someone or other said

Then he glared at the demons on my left
and they just laughed
and continued to touch me
inappropriately
I hung my head in shame
roiling in the pain of my animosity

He tipped my face towards him
with one finger
angling my eyes away from the demons
with a smirk on his seriously kissable sensual lips
his face dipped to my upturned gaze
he laid his lips to mine

Then he bit
hard
rubies dripped to the ground
to lay at my feet
drip
      drip
            drip

precious stones that fell
at my feet
laying unwanted by even the demons
that had retreated

He licked the rubies from my lips
as sapphires shone from his eyes
turning to emeralds
glaring at the demons on my left
as diamonds drip
from my tightly clenched thighs

Owned
like a semi precious stone
unwanted like Silver
or
   Gold

Held onto for worth
but not really worth it

*I'll never forget
Helen Apr 2013
He was bent over
almost in half

bent over a pool table
concentrating on the next play
but there were no *****
on the table
just a body
dressed in gray sweatpants
a holey shirt, and only one shoe

The pool cue was chalked with blood
but his hands were steady

Crack

Splintering wood against bone
fractures symphonic ally
in tune with ancient jukebox greats
warbling the hurts
of somebody done someone wrong

but I don't want a piece of that...

that which has spread someone
who never meant anything to me
across the green of the pool table
trying to punt individual pieces of them
into six different holes

I'm shadowing myself in the corner
next to the jukebox
but his eyes find mine and I'm surprised

his are Blue
like an ocean
like a cloudless sky
like a sapphire under the sun
like a fire burning too hot
like deep frozen ice

His seriously kissable sensual lips
tip enticingly upwards
in my general direction
asking... imaging

He with you?

asking but not believing

you with him?

Mutely, I wither beneath the notice
and nod with a shake of my head

I'm not here, I'm not here, I'm not here

But here I am being scrutinized
from a different angle

In front of me
he's standing, tracking my gaze
to the non action at the pool table
now over, there is a new game in play
but he didn't ante in
as he found a new game

Me

and the stakes are high!

A finger runs lightly down my cheek
across my collarbone and down the V
of my deeply cut T shirt
skimming knuckles across the slopes
of barely there maturity
down the inside of my arm to my wrist
to the palm of my hand
twining into my numb fingers
raising them to press a open mouthed kiss
to my white knuckles

with a promise of
I know where you live

Out the door, alone, across the parking lot
and into the car I own
he's watching
waiting for me to turn my back on him
and he's got it
he'll find me

I realize as I close a door
that has little hope
and less lockable appeal
that he does indeed now know
where I live

*He won't forget
Helen Mar 2013
Cupid came to me one night
to offer me a proposition
but I’d spent all night
drinking Tequila shots
and I was too drunk to listen

I forgot that I had called upon
the God
that could make it happen
Then everything turned
surreal
By the time he turned up
I was too out of it
to understand what was real

I gave him the once over
with a look that would have burnt
most Witches at the stake
He sat next to me
and ordered another round
but I noticed
as I took the next shot
he did not
And he refused to partake

Then the conversation went like this ~

Drink up you ***** I said
He came back with
My God, your such a lush!

Well that that didn’t hurt by far
Much!

I gave him a shove
and stuck my nose in his face
and proudly declared
You don’t fit well in this place!

He picked up a drink and downed it
in just one swallow
And then another, and another
then another did follow

By the time it was over
Cupid was able to slur

I’m so sick of being alone

So I tucked him under my arms
And I took him to my home

The next morning, bright and early
I gave my house guest
Bacon and Eggs
All I got as a Thank You
for my hospitality
was an arrow full of Lead!
just loading some oldies... this one is dedicated to John Patrick aka Gonzo :-)
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