to the guy who got away before I could say goodbye, **** it dad. you've really hurt me this time. Nothing's changed you're still hurting me. 11 years of constant pain that you just keep giving to me like it's money. Your name pops in my head and all I can think of is your crumny face that was always so red. You came in my mind and made me think that you could be a dad for the first 5 years of my life. How dare you? To give a 5 year old abandonment issues. You walked away without anything to say, and I wanted you to just say bye. You took my purity and made it filthy. I'm choked up on the thought of you being good. My voice cracks when I talk about you because you messed up our family. You made me feel so ****** inside for so long, and it's time for me to feel okay. And all I need is to crush the grief from the "passing away" of you being in my life. How dare you have the guts to even try to message me? you are not what is best for me, please leave me. Allow me to sort this all out in my head because right now it's very cloudy and I can't seem to think. can we call this a blonde moment even though I'm not blonde? because I feel like the thoughts of me wanting to talk to you is just another "blonde moment" just because of how **** stupid you are. You're so ****** and I want nothing to do with you. Stop sexualizing over everybody, we are humans not *** dolls. Grow up and show some respect.
you don't even deserve a sincerely,
the daughter that is doing way better without you here (Heidi).

I always feel scared when my family tell others that I enjoy to write because all my life, I've always heard writers go no where.

I've always felt scared to share my witting, because every word I've put in has an emotional connection to my thoughts.

I'm scared to share my thoughts with others, because it seems to be that everything I say is stupid and I turn out to be the duff.

It scares me to think about losing my mom, because my mom has been my everything to me since the day I was born.

The thought of having to face my dad scares me, because he was nothing but evil in my life and I don't want that back.

I'm scared of the dark, because lies and deception don't happen in the day light and it makes me think bad happens in the dark.

I'm scared of getting very depressed (again), because when life gets to the point of all you wanna do is cry, nothing is right.

life scares me, because you can't turn on the news without hearing that someone was killed and I don't wanna raise kids in this world.

life is scary and I can't do it on my own.

when we are together
blood flows
hearts race
people laugh
plants grow
faces smile
fingers connect
lips touch
leaves fall
time ticks
life fits
please see we are so right together.

I remember the first sunrise I went to
it was second most beautiful thing
that my eyes had ever seen.

because 8 months before
my eyes locked with yours
and the rest has been a road trip.

On this trip, there are flat tires here
and flat tires there
but we they always seem to be repaired.

The sunrise shined with beauty
I could smell the pink stripes is the sky
and felt the way the waves moved.

I shared this view with about 2
2 great people who had awaken
to see the beauty that this world has.

The  sun started to rise
and then so did I
and you weren't mine.

We arrived to our location
the trip was all over
and you were no where to be found.

I knew we wouldn't last when our hands no longer clicked in the same way

I knew we wouldn't last when they way you said you loved me was a way you would say it to a mocking jay

I knew we wouldn't last when the minutes we were separated started to feel like the rain when it gets evaporated

I knew we wouldn't last when I realized my eyes looked at you like just another street walking stranger

I knew we wouldn't work when I concluded that I became a flower but you were the rotting roots.

-H.M.M

going one step forward, two steps back
can't seem to get my life on track

two steps forward, four steps back
I can't find the answer I'm looking for

three steps forward, seven steps back
my mind can't relax

one step forward, three steps back
can't you tell this is a relapse?