'Tis a fool to say to be happy is to be in love
'Tis a genius to realize that to be in love is to be happy

I think I have discovered something important
Something phenomonal
Gravity brings you in, pulls you down with its long reach
There is no force in the existence that does the opposite of that in any way
But I have found that love is the reverse of gravity
All it does is push the people close to me away
Repulse them really

all i have ever been, all i will ever be
is a warm and hollow place for
lonely boys to find refuge in;
a meaningless shell of a girl
accepting any momentary sliver of light
as love, as meaning, as purpose.
there is no glory here, just a
disposable nighttime fix,
a backup plan,
a momentary euphoria that means nothing
once it its over.

“you are so skinny.”
and beautiful.
and happy.
and full of life, with two stars instead of eyes.
but you can only say,
“you are so skinny.”
you only see my bones,
my thinner thighs.
but look at me.
see me.
see how my soul has grown so much it doesn’t fit in my body,
look at the light in my heart,
at the words written in my soul,
look beyond my skin.
look at me,
look at me and tell me
that my smile is brighter than the sun,
that i look happy,
that i've changed,
that i've blossomed.
there are so many things you could say
but you only say,
“you are so skinny.”

it looks like a
striped afghan
but now i'm on
the fourth or so
to me it's just
another set of nights

i'm in stitches
wound and
pulled to hold
me together

three seasons of
hogan's heroes
the first season of
mash (twice)
hair bleached
plus the dog
and three cats
several candles

i'm trying to
keep it together
but it's hard
because every day
is more of why
i can't get it together

pull the string of
emotions together
and let the obsessive
paranoia continue

i don't cry
i stitch.

their faces
come back in
my dreams

i still feel
the knots in
my stomach

a choke in
my throat
when i wake

and it doesn't
make sense yet

it may
never

but the skin
is starting to
seal the
splinters in

and before i
die hopefully
i will learn to
stop asking why.