And I suddenly felt at peace,
One the pills passed my lips.
This whole lifetime of struggle.
Stopped.
Ended.
Finished.
Dead.

I lay there dead and numb inside,
While you drew me in just like a tide.
I really don’t know where to start,
But you pulled a knife and cut my heart.
And in that moment then I knew
I could never ever stop loving you.
Even though your bad for me,
You make me feel alive and free...

The memories hurt a million times more,
Than the trauma itself.

And today,
I broke.
My body shook,
My breath deepened.
I lost my voice,
My thoughts.
And I was back,
Back in my past.
Once again.
The hands,
The voice,
I can feel it.
I am there.
I am back,
Back to the beginning,
The beginning of my life long battle.

Your my reason.
My reason to live.
My reason to wake up in the morning,
And not to enter the eternal sleep I crave.
You keep me going,
And keep me happy.
Your the reason I'm slowly starting to find a meaning.
You turn the bad days to good,
And sometimes the good days to bad,
But we always fight through it.
I don't know what i'd do without you.

Scars are the words from within,
That we could not release.
Words are the feelings,
That need to be heard.

My fingers run across my thigh,
Feeling the damage I’ve done.
The rough lines delicately scattered to and fro.
Each telling their own tale of how they appeared.
One containing memories,
Another made by pain.
In a way I feel at peace knowing their always there.
Never leaving,
Unlike everything else in life.

It’s not just the blades.
Its hands,
It’s nails,
Binging,
Vomiting,
Starving,
Alcohol,
Fighting,
Punching,
­Biting,
Isolation,
Reliving,
Remembering.
Self harm is not just blades.

I leave the room,
Yet my body stays put.
My feet grounded,
While my mind flies away.

And it was then I realized.
That I’m not living.
I’m just walking around in a dead outer shell,
And a broken inner layer.

Let me enjoy the silence.
The silence of screaming,
Hitting,
Crying,
Cutting,
The silence of starvation.
If I stay silent,
No one will come for me.
No one will know my secrets.

It creeps in, not making a sound.
Clawing away at any happiness you had.
Until it has devoured it all,
Leaving you as a hollow shell....
Leaving you with nothing.

I used to be alive.
But now I am nothing more than a ghost.

I stopped trying the day you left.
I stopped my sport,
I stopped participating in school.
I stopped caring,
I stopped loving.
I stopped being me.
And it feels as if I've also
Stopped breathing.

I feel like,
I am lying on a table.
Slit down my middle,
My family,
Friends,
Doctors,
And therapists.
Peering inside me.
Looking for the cause.
But the cause was me.
I am the problem.
They were looking right at it the whole time.

'Coward', I hold my blade.
'*****', The tears fall.
'Useless', The blade moves.
'Unwanted', The blood drips.
'**** Yourself', The cuts deepen.
Oxygen stops reaching my lungs.
Think Before You Speak.

I dug myself a hole.
And lay myself down inside.
Letting the mud and gravel cover me.
Never seeing the light again.

I will never give up.
Until I am only bone.

You left your finger on the trigger,
Wondering if you should take me back,
Back to all the darkness.

I’m hurting.
I’m hurting so **** much.
I wake up and think, “why didn’t I die in my sleep”.
God, just let me die.
Please just let me die.

Everything I do,
Is harm,
***, Drugs,
Everything else,
Just to numb the pain.
That’s screaming instead.

I know this isint a poem but I have no one or no where to put my feelings.

I'm just a body,
Not a person.
Unnoticed in your eyes,
And also in mine.
I'm just a face,
Not pretty or perfect
Just another girl,
Unnoticed.
I'm just upset,
Nothing new.
The pain it hurts,
Unnoticed.
Until the day,
When I end my pain,
I will be
Unnoticed.

You never noticed her,
She was unseen.
You walk right past her.
She is unseen.
You pass her body,
She was unseen..

My legs tremble underneath me,
My chest tightens,
The voices shout louder.
My vision depletes,
And my hands start shaking.
I am becoming unsteady,
With myself.

As the pills kick in,
She feels at peace.
She feels the pain leaving her body.
Numb.
Knowing her fight is finally over

The pain starts to dissipate as numbness floods her body,
She closes her eyes,
Unclenches her fists,
And lets out a final sigh.
In an hour or two someone will probably find her,
But she won't hear the worry in their voice
Or see the concern in their eyes when they do...
...because she's gone.

If i wasn't me, i think i'd last.
But I wouldn't be me without the hurt.
I wouldn't be me without my past
I wouldn't be me without my tears
I wouldn't be me without my scars
I wouldn't be me.

I am dangerously insecure...

I have spent my life,
Living in the past,
Avoiding the present
And absolutely petrified of the future.

Heaven cast me aside,
While hell welcomed me with open arms.

The slightest wind could blow all my petals away,
Leaving
Me
With

Nothing..

Holding her hand, that silky petite hand, her gorgeous lips, dripping from the cold, wet winter rain. Her velvet brown hair blowing in the wind as we run towards the shop front for shelter. But I stop, grabbing her arm. I take both her hands in my mine, keeping them protected. I take a deep breath and watch the droplets of water fall from her hood onto her cheeks. Those eyes, those beautiful hazel eyes, complimented by those long long eyelashes. She smiled her bright little smile.. And it was then I said. I love you.

I don’t know you anymore.
Your mind is gone,
Your body a hollow shell.
I dream about you,
But I’m reality,
Who are you?
Who are you now if not yourself.
I miss you.