i want to stab you in the heart.
red trickles out like rain.
then pull the knife out gently
and take away your pain.
i want to heal you with my fingers.
trace them down your spine.
i want to let you bleed out slowly
because you were never mine.

everything makes me think of you
and i guess thats my fault
for holding on too long.

I'm only going to say this once,
so you better listen closely.
It isn't you that I hate
it's her, well mostly.
And if you kicked her to the curb
then we could be together.
But since you are infattuated
that will happen never.
This isn't up to me,
you're the one who's choosing.
I'm a winner either way,
you're the one who's losing.

im so ******* tired of this fight.
everyday its the same.
but not today.
im done.

I haven't yet determined
                                   if optimism
                              Is a trait of the foolish
                          or a trait of the brave          Give me something real to hope for.
                         Show me that I'm wrong.
                  Prove to me there's fairytales
                       That have happy endings.

I used to write in only rhymes
Now I don't remember how.

I should have known that when I fell in love with someone that made every sunset more
beautiful, and every smile more heartfelt, and every bird chirp the sweetest melody,
I should have known when I fell in love with a girl like her,
that someone else would too.  
Someone else would feel the electricity when she enters a room,
and someone else would notice the baby hair
that flies around her head like a halo.
I should have known someone else would see the freckle in her eye
and the burn on her chest
and marvel at their beauty.  
I thought I was the only one she made beautiful sunsets for,
until I found out that I wasn't. 
And I realized my mistake.

Dead and trampled on the floor are the promises you gave me.
Just like the flowers in my car,
the ones you picked for me.
And everything there ever was between us is on trial.
I'm the jury, judgements out, you're the guilty party.
No punishment grand enough for the  crimes you have committed.
Death penalty for sure.
*Death penalty for sure.

i dreamed i was
making a snow angel.
but the snow was turning
red. i was dying.
drained of my life. i floated
above and saw my creation.
i smiled, for it was the most
beautiful snow angel
i had ever seen.
pale white. bright red.
**sleep

in the middle of the night i'm always alone -
so desperately alone.
there's no one here to catch my tears,
or stop the swirling vortex in my head
from draining me of any happy thoughts.
i feel Guilt
Anger
Sadness
Shame
Regret
but mostly i feel Alone.
i can take the shame and the guilt.
i try to handle the sadness and regret.
even anger can be pushed away.
but the loneliness never fades.
if it were a moth, i'd be a flame.
burning me alive
until there's nothing left..

Late at night I cry so hard I make myself puke.
The tears don't stop until my head is throbbing
my nose is running
I can't see straight.
And I'm crossing my arms in front of my chest, hugging myself tight
to keep my heart together.

Drip, drip* goes the rain.
Tears are falling, taking pain.
And nothing ever makes sense, anymore.
I stay up crying in the middle of the night,
My eyes still open with the morning light.
And I still don't have a freaking clue
What I should do.
But I'm hoping someday to fall asleep,
And see this nightmare come to an end.
Everything will be back how it should be
And you'll always still be my best friend.

Back before anyone knew
there was something between me and you.
It was a secret kept,
for just us two.
I would hold your hand, given the chance,
And no one gave us a secod glance.
They didn't think it was strange or queer
That when you were around, I was near.
You weren't filled with anger.
I wasn't filled with hate.
And march the 12th wasn't even an important date.
Back then was the time that you and hattie were the best of friends,
And sleepovers weren't questioned with "i don't know... depends"
Now my life is different.
Your life is different too.
I really miss the time when it was only me and you.

I trusted you.
I guess that was my mistake.
To me you were always so perfect,
And now I see that you're fake..
How can I be with a person who doesn't tell the truth?
You said it doesn't matter,
But this afternoon is proof
Now I'm questioning everything we've said, and seen, and done.
Was that day really perfect? Was that day really fun?
I don't think I can be with someone who feeds me constant lies.
Who treats me like the bad guy to put herself in a disguise.
I don't know if I should tell her that I have to let her go,
But I know a relationship like this will never ever grow..

My parents are happily married, and I've never had to share a room.
Even though I have sisters.
I've never gone hungry.
I've never been abused.
The saddest part of my life is
I wish it were different.
If my parents were divorced
Or I went hungry every night
Or if I had been abused
My feelings would make sense.
But I don't struggle.
Yet I don't want to be here.
My life is like a puzzle
And once it's put together it's the most grand thing you've ever seen.
The only thing wrong with it is me.

nothing is wrong with dreaming.
i'm just not much of a dreamer.
you don't dream?
i don't see why i should set myself up for failure.
you think i'll fail you?
when has life ever been easy for us..
there's endless possibilities when you go and reach out*
one of us has to believe in the impossible.
the possible impossible

And just like that I'm reminded why you are the love of my life. The earth never stops spinning on its tilted axis.  I think the axis is tilted too much for me to keep my balance.  But you never let me fall.  Maybe I'm too cynical to believe in anything anymore, but somehow you've got me wanting to.

You're beautiful.
I know that you don't see it but you're
   beautiful to me.
I know I'm crazy
   and I know it couldn't happen but
   with you I wanna be.
Cause you
  Bring me joy when I'm feeling sad.
  Calm my temper when I'm feeling mad.
  And with one look at you my heart feels glad.

Beautifully running down your spine
Repunzal repunzal i call you mine
And i'm sure you're thinking it's just hair , and you think i'm silly too
I** don't care because for me it's what defines you
Don't cut it repunzal, don't cut your hair, i love it so much you wouldn't dare

I hate myself because I'm filled with so much hate.
And I hate him from taking something from me I can never get back.
I hate you for making me love you.
I hate every person that has looked at you
   talked to you
   hugged you
   held your hand
   held your attention
I hate them with every particle that makes up this pathetic body.
I hate them because for even a second they were more important to you than me.
I am psychotic, possesive, insane
and this is why I hate myself.

you said that you love me, that's kind of confusing
you know what i was thinking of
that first time that i saw you
you were so beautiful
i never thought you'd be so exposed to me
but there you were, under me
the sun streaming in the window and illuminating your skin
you were glowing, like you were  my angel
like your purpose for living was to save me from this forsaken place
but somehow between then and now everything has gotten misconstrued
and most days i can't decide if you're my angel or my demon
but either way i'll take you
because you've ****** me into your world
and i know the only escape is death itself
but i don't mind your world
it's the only place i've ever fit in anyway

Inside of a bubble -
I can see out, and they can see in,
But they don't talk to me.
They can't hear me,
Or else they don't want to.

Inside of a bubble -
I see the world passing by.
I want to be a part of it,
But I'm scared.
Scared I'll be rejected.

Inside of a bubble -
Negative thoughts, horrible feelings,
All bursting out of my head,
Coming to the surface,
Then echoing back at me.

Inside of a bubble -
I try to get out.
But to do that, I'd need someone like you,
On the outside of my bubble,
To help.

I want to cry, purge my body of the hurt - I feel the toxins in the air.
But I can't make a single tear come out, cause I know you just don't care.
And I wait for love all snuggled up in bed, while visions of demons dance in my head.
And they're asking me why I don't give up the fight,
   cause nobody loves me round here tonight.
And even though I know better, I'm thinking that they're right.
I don't want to sound emo, but I want to cut my wrists.
And not just for the fact; I haven't had my first kiss.
That sounds ridiculously stupid, trust me, I know.
But under this rough exterior that's how I want my life to go.
I guess I'm just a dreamer, wanting happily ever afters to come true.
And I really just want my own, so tell me what I have to do.
I want to meet the perfect guy
And have the perfect life.
Then ride off into the sunset like Cinderella, or Snow White.
So how does all this happiness fit in with a girl like me?
I don't know either, I guess we'll have to wait and see.