Behind my fake smile
Is a girl desperate for
A genuine smile.
Desperate,
For the boy she loves
Desperate,
To keep him around
Desperate,
For him to love her back

But behind my dry, green-brown eyes
Is a pool of tears,
Wishing to escape.
To pour her soul out
Right in front of him
To show him,
How much she
Cares,
How much she
Loves,
And how much she
Needs
Him.

He needs to know
The impact he's made
In her life
And to
Realize
She never wants him to leave
Though it may seem it.

Behind my fake smile
And dry, green-brown eyes
Is a girl
Desperate,
For the boy she
Loves

I wonder what
                                                                He's
Thinking.
Putting me through
                                                                 The
Emotional turmoil
Knowing that he's the
                                                                Only
One who can help me.
The only
                                                                 One.
The only one
                                                                 Who
                                                                 Can
Get me through this.
He can
                                                                Mend
The wounds, slashed in
                                                                  My
                                                                Heart
Those wounds that he caused.

People would tell me,
You were just another crush.

People would tell me,
You weren't worth my time;
You weren't worth my tears.

People would tell me,
You were just like any other boy;
A ****.

People would tell me,
"He's ugly anyways."

People would tell me,
You never cared

People would tell me,
You lie to me.

People would tell me,
You're never coming back to me;
To give up hope.

But you know what I tell myself?

I tell myself,
I'm in love.

I tell myself,
You were worth every minute, every second
And every tear.

I tell myself,
You're not like any boy I've ever met;
You're amazing.

I tell myself,
You're the most adorable and really cute boy I've ever seen.

I tell myself,
What we've been through,
Has been too much to make me, "Just-another-girl."

I tell myself;
You have no reason to lie to me.

I tell myself,
Yes, perhaps you never will return,
But I'm allowed to hope, aren't I?

I tell myself,
Everything
That I believe
To be the truth.

This one boy...
Changed everything.
This one boy...
Makes me smile.
This one boy...
Gives me hope that not all men are the same.
This one boy...
Texts me all of the time.
This one boy...
Keeps me up past mid-night, not because we text till then but because I can't stop grinning ear to ear.
This one boy...
Makes me look forward to the end of the day, so I know I have someone to talk to, about anything.
This one boy...
Is so talented
This one boy...
Is SO adorable
This one boy...
Is too old for me.
This one boy...
Lives too far away
This one boy...
Is with someone else.
And yet I still love
This one boy.

I wonder what you think of me now.
I could ask, but how?
I'm afraid of what you'll say.
I think about you each and every day.
God, just take me now.

You'll never love me again.
Am I still your dear friend?
The confusion irritates me so.
Why won't you just go?
Will this ever end?

But you can't leave me,
We're not meant to be.
But maybe one night,
No fear or fright
Then we can make this right
And I can say good bye,
Find someone else,
Even though I fell
For you, my Love
You have flown away, you gentle dove.

You've soared away
Out of my reach

You taught me many things;
Not to dwell on the past,
Not to hold grudges.

Patience is Virtue,
Something you once said
When we talked about future relations
And something I'll never forget.

I hope you keep your promise..
I've learned you're a man of your word.
Not just something I heard;
It's something you said.
Let's do something together
Before we're all dead.

You picked me up,
Dusted me off,
But I was heavier than you thought.

Dropped,
You picked her up
Dusted her off,
She was the perfect weight
But to her,
You're arms weren't strong enough.
So she took comfort in his.

I want to pick you up,
Dust you off,
Because I know I can.
But I fear that you think
You're too heavy for me.

She's             the one who looks indifferent. Only because she's

Dying           on the inside.

To                  most, they only see a girl who wants to

Be                  all she can be. But when she's  
        
With              The person she loves most, she's with

You.              All she wants is for you to love her, too.

What if you love me?

What if you want more than this?
A fake relationship.
I love what we have now,
But I can't help but crave more.
I sort of wish we dated again as before.

What if you push me away?
I'd love nothing more than to stay.
Stay with you,
For all my life
But what if my hearts is stabbed yet again by your metaphoric knife?

What if you care more deeply than I?
This should be as easy as pie.
When I tell you how I feel,
And you say the same in return,
And no longer will I have to yearn.

What if that's not the case?
A love unrequited because I was just a pretty face.
Not something more,
Just a body
That you like so fondly.

What if you love me
Like I love you.
And we're just both too afraid,
To admit the truth?

The stars lean down to kiss you,
And I lie awake and miss you.
Poor me a heavy does of atmosphere.

I would lay in bed,
Those late nights,
The words I read from your texts
Still lingering in my head.
I'm falling fast and hard.
I miss you so much,
But I felt happy that you say good night,
Going to get your good night's sleep
While I stayed awake,
Grinning from every cute thing you said.

'Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly,
But I'll miss your arms around me.
I'd send a postcard to you Dear
'Cause I wish you were here.

I'd begin to feel sleepy,
But I'd imagine you right there with me,
Your arms around me,
Resting your head on my neck,
As we always wished we could be cuddling together.
I wished you had been there,
To make me feel safe
And happy.

I'll watch the night turn light blue,
But it's not the same without you
Because it takes two to whisper quietly.

Not sharing whispers,
But looks.
We'd look at each other
Silently,
Not having to say one word to each other
Because we already knew how we felt
For each other.

The silence isn't so bad,
Till I look at my hands and feel sad
Because the spaces between my fingers
Are right where your's fit perfectly.

Remembering how your hand fit in mine.
Such a perfect moment,
It felt so right,
Resting my head on your shoulder,
Our hands grasping the other
Never wanting to let go.

I'll find repose in new ways
Though I haven't slept in two days
'Cause cold nostalgia chills me to the bone.

Sleepless nights,
Alone in my chilled room.
Beneath a million blankets,
Hugging pillows,
But none could substitute the feeling of my arms
Around you.

But drenched in Vanilla Twilight
I'll sit on the front porch all night,
Waist deep in thought because
When I think of you,
I don't feel so alone.

Completely drowning in thoughts
Constantly about you.
I felt safer and not alone
Because the thought of you being there
Made me relax,
And feel safe
Even though miles separated us.

I don't feel so alone.

I don't feel so alone.

As many times as I blink,
I'll think of you,
Tonight.

I'll think of you tonight

I always thought of you;
Every day
And
Every night.
You never left my mind.

When violet eyes keep fire
And heavy wings grow lighter
I'll taste the sky and
Feel alive again.

Soon enough,
You were gone,
And with someone else.
I find myself grower stronger.
My heavy heart slowly grows lighter.
Some day I'll be ready for someone else
But not soon;
I'm still in love with you.

And I'll look at the world that I knew
But I swear I won't forget you.

Oh, if my voice could reach back through the past
I'd whisper in your ear,
"Oh, Darling, I wish you were here."*

If only I could tell you of all the times
I wanted you around.
I probably did,
But just to go back and say it
Once more
I would do any day.

They gaze into each other's eyes.
He looks at the damage he caused.
She looks at the boy she belongs with.

They lean in close,
They know it's wrong,
But she's waited for this much too long.

Their lips meet,
For a passionate kiss;
She sure will miss this.

They pull away slowly,
He's realized what he's done.
She wants to scream in horror.

Did that really just happen?

"I'm sorry."
She speaks quickly.

He doesn't know what to say.
He'd committed the thing he never dreamed to.
Cheating.

They're heads rest upon each other,
One hand on another,

Her heart beats in her ears;
He stares at the floor,
Considering walking out the door.

But she opens her eyes,
Leaving the story left unsaid,
As she imagines it all,
While lying in bed.

The day the Earth stood still.

Was when she met him.

Different as day and night,
But somehow meant to be,
He took her hand in his,
And the sun shined in her beautiful eyes.

The moon reflected his,
His cold, dreary world, brightened by hers.
Her dull world, splashed with the pale colors of him.

Different as
Night
And
Day
They met,
And worlds collided
When they decided
This is love.
Beautiful.
Golden,
And
Gray
All was well,
When the Day
Met the Night.

Why must we get confused?

Why can't we explain our feelings?
Why can't figure out if something is good or bad?
Why can't we read minds?

Why can't I see the real meanings behind your words?
Why can't I stop getting my hopes up?
Why do I keep trying?
Why do I love you?

Why can't you love me back?
Why can't figure out if you really want me?
Why are you still with her?
Why can't you see that I can't stop loving you?
Why can't you see how easily your words hurt me?
Why can't you see how unhappy I really am?
Why can't you notice the sadness behind my words when I know you're with her?
Why don't you apologize for everything you did?
Rather than just telling me my unhappiness makes you upset?
When I don't even know if it really does?
Why don't you come and see me?
Why don't finally figure your feelings out?
Why can't you realize liking someone when you're dating someone else, is wrong?
Why can't you just fall for me again?

And
Why can't you answer my questions?

I guess my big question is,
Why?

You're back in my life.

You're nice,
You've forgiven me,
You've apologized.
You want to see me.
See the things that surround me.
You talk back,
You smile,
And you're not annoyed anymore.

I love it but I wish it didn't
Always
Make my mind reel,
Worrying about messing up,
And loosing you again...

My brain no longer commanded me;
My hands took over,
Saying whatever reply came into my head.
I no longer had control;
The first thing I thought was said.
I know said what was on my mind
Without Thinking
Everything I knew
Didn't matter.
I stopped using my head,
And started using my instinct.
I'd Flirt with Disaster.
I wouldn't think ahead
Of the consequences that could be said
Or done.
I stopped thinking;
My hands took control.
I didn't matter now
But then,
I thought:
Is this a turn for the
Better
Or for the
Worse?

You only know
True Love
When it's
Gone.

You only know how much you
Want
When it begins to slip through your
Fingers.

You only know how
Smart
You are when you start feeling
Dumb.

You only notice your
Happiness
When you start feeling
Glum.

You only notice your good
Fortune
When others don't have
It.

You only hear the
Music
When it's never even
Playing.

You only believe in
God
When you see that the other's are
Praying.

You never know when things go
Wrong
Till the thing is dead and
Gone.

You only know of true
Anger
When someone puts the blame on
You.

You only feel
Lonely
When everyone else consists in pairs of
Two.

You only let people
Go
When you know that's it's the right thing to
Do.

You only know when a fights
Over
When it's gone too
Far.

You only know when you want someone to
Stay
After they're already in the
Car.

You only know of
True Sorrow
After it's been
Felt.

And You only know who you
Love
Till they're out of
Reach

I use to cling on to you,
I would follow you around and begged you to be my friend,
honestly I had none.
Even though I made you want to cut my head of many times,
you became my friend.
Over time we became better and better friends.
Soon I was glad to call you my best friend,
we had our up and downs like anyone else.
Best friend we were and yes that is a lot,
lots of memories and endless nights.
Now though,
now,
I call you my sister.
Without your smile and love I would be lost.
Without your laugh my days would be gloomy and dark.
Without you I would have never had a friend, or best friend.
You have grown in to my life and my heart.

I love you Hannah West♥
(Read the Note if you are confused.)

I sit here and think
Of everything we've been through.

I think about those moments
Of happiness;
Small things,
That make me smile.

I think about how
I used regret ever meeting you
And then think,
Why should I regret it?

You made me feel pure happiness.
Pure safety.
And just purity.

You taught me things,
Showed me how to live a better life,
How to let things go.

Though you may be something I can't let go of,
And though you may never make me feel pure happiness,
I'll cherish the memories of us,
When we were both happy
Together.