The oddest memories.

The day the swing hit me in the head, full force.

The day I ran into the concrete wall,
At the end of a dark corridor,
At full speed.

The day I wet my pants,
In grade two,
And the teacher made me sit over the puddle
For two hours.

Standing on the side of the road,
For 10 hours,
End of November,
Minus 25.

5 days in jail for a speeding ticket,
My choice.

My mother unable to speak,
The nurse held the phone,
Moments before she died.

Memories delicate and fine,
The past and present intertwine.

Do you think we will ever be in love again, she asked.

I think we are beyond love and always will be, he replied.

What comes after obsession with another, she responded.

A preoccupation with the unknowns, he suggested.

Death, quantum entanglement, how birds fly, she laughed

And how I can't stop thinking about you every second of every day, he said.

Isn't that love, she teased.

I don't know what it is and I don't ask anymore, he replied.

Kiss me, she said and captured his hand in hers.

The temptation of quiet collaboration,
Friends often talk to friends in whispers,
Enemies by word of mouth.

Who to trust.
The psychologically slippery,
Those who claim they understand... you.

Women pretend that love is real,
Men lie and lie and lie and lie.
Yes we are the tribe who killed off all the others.

Walk backwards through life,
Memory, it's borders found by joy
The past is a Pinocchio, dance madly, be the star.

I had forgotten about making-out.
How odd.

She and I used to kiss each other for hours.

A hunger, a thirst,  a thrill unrehearsed,
Friday night couches and yes I was her first,

Hands of the blind, zippers and snaps
Clothing half off, try it this way perhaps.

Unhook a bra, the first touch a tease,
Old memories won't die, they augment and appease.

Have you ever killed anyone?

Not knowingly.

Have you ever hurt someone so badly that they wanted to **** themselves?

Yes.

Have you told more than 1000 lies in your life?

Yes, I'm sure I have.

Have you ever turned your back on someone who needs help.

Every day.

How do you live with yourself?

I rent space in my head. The lease is up soon.

Scream and shout, let your feelings out,
Curl and winge, let your body cringe,
Hide your eyes, smile wide within,
Head up boldly and  take it on the chin.

But most of all, there's no more pretending,
The world isn't cold and it isn't upending,
There is more good, more right than wrong,
So stand up tall and be iron man strong.

How dare I
With a pirate's pose,
Look deep into your beautiful eyes,
And tell you to kneel.

There is no god,
You're all alone,
No sin, no saints,
No wrongs atoned.

An entropy,
Of time and motion,
But this Jesus stuff,
Is just a notion.

But it's ok
To think and wonder,
To gaze at stars,
Shimmy-shake with thunder.

One day we die,
Our one fear only,
Hope leads us all
To live less lonely.

When I was 7,
A firecracker blew up in my hand.

Oddly in taught me nothing.
I think I'm a slow, stubborn twig.

I guess it finally has.

I keep waiting for this other me,
To arrive and take over.

Where is he?

How do we justify the glee of soldiers killing children.
How ugly every army is.
How grotesque to observe the twisted human mind,
As it celebrates the death of a child with a bullet to the head.
We like  to ****. We enjoy it. We do not care.
We have nothing to add to this universe.
We are a mistake.

I can't find the logic,
In a life lived in fear.

So I fantasize.
And pretend to conquer all the ghosts.

I walk head up, with shoulders back,
A stride with pride, bold eye contact,
Don't ever doubt my will or flair,
I have no fear and I will not scare.

**** me now, I bear my thoughts,
Threaten me, take your best shot,
I will not bend to hate or shame,
Each is equal, each the same.

We weren't poor.
Not neither rich.

We were kids who played outdoors for hours.
Days.
Had to.
Indoors was dead, dark and dry.

Bee stings, marbles, kick the can,
British bulldog,
Hop scotch, hide and seek,
War, sneak peeking in windows,
Firecrackers, red rover,
And we rode bikes everywhere.
Just left them on the ground.

In 1960 HALF the world was under the age of 18.
Boomers owned the dog!
We were so sure of ourselves.

Don't get me wrong.
Life is getting better.
But wow did **** go by fast.

How desperate my life has become,
As I fall out of love with myself,
And into everything that's you.

How cruel my life has become,
My thoughts are thick with razor's thin,
Could I brave myself for you.

How short my life has become,
I hope-hide and watch you sleep and breathe and dream
Could I die for you.

Who can you say is your friend?

Whose name can you shout out loud?

Would they run to you?

Would they die for you?

Would they kneel and cry for you?

Who?

Do you right now, care less or more,
About things you love and things abhorred.

Has life been fair, have friends been true,
Or did you fade from black to blue.

Were things too hard or just a chore,
Would you do less, would you do more.

I know I tried, I did my best,
But it always felt like such a test.

Now death is neither pass or fail,
I'm not afraid, I'm not that frail.

Remember me when I am gone,
A man, a father, a waking dawn.

Marla ordered eggs. Scrambled eggs, toast, black coffee and two
packages of peanut butter.

I had coffee with two sugars and a plate of dill pickles.

Do you love me, she asked me.

I never think about it, I replied, so yes.

Pass the salt please she said and we ate the rest of our meal in silence.

How long can fingers grasp and hold,
The things we did, we were so bold,
Doubt was never at our door,
Each day was simply more and more.

How lucky was my search for love,
To find you there, a gift above,
We will reach our end together,
Devotion is the perfect tether.

You're it,
She said,
And brushed her hair back behind her ear.

I'll give you a five second head start,
I replied
And smiled at her like a crazy camel ripped on *******.

With a lead like that,
You might never see me again,
She responded
And slipped off her *******.

Something to remember me by,
She suggested,
And let the dainty g string dangle off the end of her finger.

I will never stop looking for you,
I offered,
And held her intimacy close to my nose.

Do you believe in love,
She coaxed,
And raised her skirt up over her hips.

I believe in intrigue,
I posed,
And...

Determinism. It's science.

Imagine a nearly infinite number,
Of domino pieces standing on end.

The big bang tipped over the first one.

I once fell off a horse,
And hit the ground so hard I could not breathe.

Later in the same day, an empty swing,
In a playground.
Hit me right in the forehead.

We weren't tougher back then.
We were alone.

I will not cry.
I'm a man.

I will not complain.
I am free.

I will not ****,
I will protect.

I will not be a victim.
I have choice.

I will be kind.
But I will not lie.

I will never abandon.
Ever.

Little lies
Can often hide
The beginning of the end.

I'm too tired,
Or too hard wired,
Do lunch real soon my friend.

But if you always,
Never sometimes,
Do what you promise to,

The world will bend
And stay on trend
Honesty will win the day.

Can you cuddle a thought,
Take a hot dog to bed,
Feed fish with a hammer,
Wish the whole world was fed.

Can we dance on our heels,
Sing out loud in our head,
Or cry through the night
Holding dreams by a thread.

The world is run by middle men,
Buyers, sellers, again  again.
We cannot change or alter course,
A middle man has no remorse.

So what to do when no one cares,
No hope, no joy when yours is theirs.
Middle men make profit king,
Money is not a magic thing.

Inside me there is a madness.
A calm, calculating insanity,
That prowls for weakness.

I must be strong or die.
There are only two choices.
Ever.

Can an ****** be an apple,
A shiny bright red treat,
Or is a ****** all alone,
A way to calmly cheat.

Love yourself, the collective says,
Touch you own heart first,
I must have missed the understood,
Let loose with my outburst.

Is being single such a curse,
Should I dance alone at dawn,
I miss her every day, I do,
She was the one that I count on.

International Poet"s Survey

1) At what age did you first feel pain?

2) Have you ever stood in a mud puddle for longer than 30 seconds?

3) Do you, or do you wish you could, eat food off other people's plates?

4) Have you blacked out from drinking too much. More than a 100 times?

5) Did your best friend's older sister teach you everything there is to know about *******?

6) Does death fascinate you?

Results will be anonymously published. Once we reach a billion times a million, times a trillion contributors. Or two. Which ever comes first.

Advised to read and write and count,
Told by all I would amount,
Abstract knowledge was the gain,
The life you lead will be less pain.

Educate my grandpa said,
Study life until you're dead,
Critical thinking means a struggle,
Your options always will be a juggle.

So I ventured out into the world
Assuming truth would be unfurled,
And I found a madness that prevailed,
I stumbled often and usually failed.

Until one day a princess said,
Just do the next right thing instead,
And since that moment wakened me,
Being kind has set me free.

We used to roam,
Free range and gallivant,
Rat tat tat down a dusty backtrack,
Smoke a deck under the galligar bridge
No jim-jams, no fear.

It was post war,
****** takin' a dirt nap,
Every hometown winner talking sweet greek,
Every man a lion-heart,
And pushing a ******* fortitude.

It was drunk talk.
Bobaloo and vintage balderdash.
No frenzy off a struggle,
Sad eyes in a cool wind,
Most go boys still shook and escared,
War pins a nightmare, no dash, no end.

This is us.

In the stone age people would **** a bear and then rip open its stomach to eat what the bear had recently consumed.

Romans liked watching people **** each other. In one morning alone over 10,000 people were butchered just for fun.

Genghis Khan's armies slaughtered forty million people over twenty one years.

George Bush slaughtered a million innocent people. Two hundred thousand children.

Tell me.

About love.

About kindness

About giving a ****.

Please.

Tell me.

Is it enough to be desired,
Must we always be first kissed,
Can a smile and a nod,
Tell us we exist.

I walk amongst the strangers,
Shadows on a wall,
When will I now realize,
That my fears are oh-so small.

Talk to the others,
They are tired and alone,
Find a new friend waiting,
And put away your phone.

There are 43 quintillion atoms in a single grain of sand.

That's a 43 followed by 18 zeroes.

In one grain. Of sand.

So when we set off a nuclear bomb.

Which is 150 lbs of uranium.

All the atoms in the uranium will burst open almost simultaneously,

Like a gigantic  horde of little gas filled balloons.

A Billion times a billion of exploding firecrackers

That will create a 100 million degree fireball,

Which is five times hotter than the center of the sun,

That will blow through your neighborhood at 1000 kilometers per hour,

Leveling every man-made structure and vaporizing every living thing.

So size really doesn't manner.

Who we choose to lead us does.

You said forgive but not forget,

I torment and your tears my fret,


I pair in love but you drift away,

I've lose the path each lonely day.


I want to tend and care with love.

To hold your hand with your heart above.


Will you listen to the wind tonight,

And hear me whisper in sad delight.

It doesn't matter.
What you do,

Or who you imitate,

Or how eagerly you listen and behave,
It does not matter.


You are alone.

You will always be alone.

You will live alone,
You will die alone,

And be forgotten forever.

You do not matter.
At all.
Ever.

You are free.

Will you count the loves you've lost,
Those who risked despite the cost.

Or have you ever dreamed a wish,
And remembered every lover's kiss.

Passion pretends to play a part
But only love can break a heart

He must.
Man-up
Still the supercilious fear,
God-****-it.
Ignite your courage.
Kiss her.
Right now

Lean over.
Lean in.
Lean the **** in.
And tremble as you begin.

She wants you.
A gentle gravity.
The pull.
Of you to her.
It's real.
Isn't it.

The carnivorous nature of desire.

Devour, taste, tongue and task
Lips, hands, zippers, clasps,
Bed springs groan, grunts and gasps.
Slippery, silken, smooth and fast.

After.

Wax and  wander on lust's libation
Through a maze of tumescent conversation
It begins to feel like compensation,
Until she dresses without hesitation,
An intimacy exchanged, turns to alienation.

Why do we fear,
Those who come near,
The suspect of guile,
In a careful coy smile,

How can we  tell,
Who casts the spell,
Clever impostors
Suspicion well fostered.

**** the so cautious,
**** all of loves' losses,
I'll take my chances,
On life's reckless romances

I've reached a certain point in life,
Where nothing matters much,
I play with words and pontificate,
As age becomes my crutch.

In my head I'm still awake,
The world a simple place,
Get up, get dressed, get moving dude,
Beware a fall from grace.

So what's been learned in all these years,
What message can I give.
Empathy is god's special gift,
It is yourself, you must forgive.

We ate oatmeal and blueberries,
Out of hand made clay bowls,
Zoom chatted naked,
And with a spoon as a prop
She started to dance.

I felt ****** immediately.
Until I remembered
I was already ******.
After all it was past 11 a.m.
On a pandemic Tuesday.

She said I'm your gift today,
I will do anything you want me to do,
I said I'd like to watch her
Eat peanut butter out of the jar,
With a spoon.

She laughed out loud and left the screen,
Returning with transparent scarves
Wrapped around her ******* and waist,
A ****** jar of Skippy with it foil freshly off,
A wink, a shoulder role, a show.