It doesn't matter.
What you do,

Or who you imitate,

Or how eagerly you listen and behave,
It does not matter.


You are alone.

You will always be alone.

You will live alone,
You will die alone,

And be forgotten forever.

You do not matter.
At all.
Ever.

You are free.

Candy canes and caramel cookies, Christmas cards confess,
Pretty paper patterns, pleasing presents to possess,
Charming chatter, church and chamber, chomp a warm cholent,
Rest and read, recharge, reseed, rethink ,reform, repent.

Love's lucid lust, limp and lent
Touch, tempt and tease, taut  tumescent,
Feelings fray, fear finds a face,
Doubt doubles down, damp desire displaced.

Bold, big and bountiful, beautiful and blue,
Morning madness mix and match, masks become milieu,
Doleful day delusions deft, distraught and due,
Sad and salty subplots, salvo, shill and spew.

Tease me, tempt me, tickle me too,
Kiss me, cuddle me, cradle on cue,
Love me, lavish me, leave me in lieu,
Forget me, fickle me, a frivolous few.

The need precedes the deed,
Your look swiped right out of a book,
Your smile is tipsy with guile,
Your love as casual as a shrug,

I remember dropping acid,
While lying on my back
On an angel-kissed pebble beach,
On a lost Greek island
At dawn.

Acid isn't always pleasant.
But rarely fatal.


First life intensified.
All of it.
Colours brightened,
Shades multiplied,
Patterns spoke.
The wing, the feather, the claw, the beak,
Precision.

How correct things were,
How decisive evolution was,
How ******* huge our balloon had become.

And yet,
Somehow,
The universe,
All of it,
Fit comfortably inside
My small cathedral head.

Smells recreated whole episodes from my past,
The spaghetti dinner my aunt made me eat.
I threw it up in the backyard minutes later,
Because the noodles looked like worms,
Mashed potatoes and gravy,
Cotton Candy, the music of a carnival
The twenty seven hours of stalled birth as my mother's legs
Were strapped together until a doctor could be found.

I time traveled, memories appeared in 3-D,

Taste was ****** and social,
*** was irrelevant,
Hate impossible,
Death humbled and genuflect

Hallucinogenics.

Is this how we learn to be kind.