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Feb 2013 · 846
Rebuilt
Hana Gabrielle Feb 2013
dissect me into pieces
mathematical
manic
make me
make sense
solve the pieces
like a puzzle
break me
then make me
intact
but I'm not built
of numbers and facts
when you filed my edges
you created gaps
Feb 2013 · 622
Blues
Hana Gabrielle Feb 2013
4 o'clock blues
soften the edge of inspiration
dull the blade
I use
to shave off the sadness
Feb 2013 · 5.8k
Cheesy, Wonderful Love.
Hana Gabrielle Feb 2013
for your thoughts
for your wishes
for our distance
for your kisses
for clichés
for the comfort
for 365 days
for many more
for silly honesty
for seasons slipping by
a dozen, bright red roses
for a love that keeps us
high
Feb 2013 · 606
hey
Hana Gabrielle Feb 2013
hey
when you read this
please consider
cutting the *******
just tell me your truth
crush this ridiculous
daydream
that I could know you
Feb 2013 · 1.3k
Call My Name
Hana Gabrielle Feb 2013
frantic
hands ripping through air
reaching for a grasp
on your sadness

I have been
will be
am
enraptured in your temperature.
contented in contempt
for your fairytale past
impossible
to impact

yet coveting the forbidden
taste
of imprints
in your reality
sparks a dorment sentiment
of such coarse,
rough reciprocity

tempting taste of your bliss
come close
and through shifting smoke
we can descend into
crude togetherness
Jan 2013 · 1.1k
Cough (part 1)
Hana Gabrielle Jan 2013
cough
like you could evict
the bitter thickness
of failure from your lungs
purge the fallacies you're pounded with
the shame
of cheap whiskey
and the voicemails you've saved
just to remind yourself
that you ruined things
punishment
because it feels righteous
when it comes from within
cough
and when your lungs settle
the heaviness remains
so take another desperate drag
because perhaps
this will finally be your last
Jan 2013 · 1.1k
Cough (part 2)
Hana Gabrielle Jan 2013
I hear you
like the ringing in my ears
in the time
between consciousness
and dreams

fading scar tissue on my skin
feels so far from healing

aggressive breath
anxious sweat
pearls at the base of my neck

like puddles reflecting
that one lit up window
that spoke volumes
on the subject
of loneliness
and surrender

smog drifting higher
hugging the sun
in its suffocating embrace
so let the kids play
because tomorrow
the headlines could tell you
that it's finally time
to give up
give in
give away
anything
and everything you tried to save

cough like
your eroded throat
is the holy vessel
and your pain is scripture
pretend you didn't repeat
the things you pretended
to not have heard
so give me your last breath
and I give you my word
I'll never let your anguish
be remembered

so come on
and cough.
Jan 2013 · 1.2k
Heavy
Hana Gabrielle Jan 2013
I carry this
heavy emptiness
as if
it was never lifted
never full

overcast eyes
throbbing soreness
in my chest
tightened around
the wounds
where those simple things
have stabbed me

oh I grow so tired
of wondering why
of simmering with sorrow
and painfully spitting
blood
from all the times
I bite my tongue

yet I cannot
will not
show
Jan 2013 · 1.4k
Vague
Hana Gabrielle Jan 2013
sometimes I write goodbyes
to prepare for hellos
and maybe that's why
they like me
(when I'm distant)
Jan 2013 · 448
so?
Hana Gabrielle Jan 2013
so?
"boldly resisting authority or an opposing force"


but
you call me defiant
like it's a bad thing
Jan 2013 · 1.3k
Crime of Surviving
Hana Gabrielle Jan 2013
I inhale
until the fabric of my lungs burn
stretched
and then collapse

I still feel cheated

did you steal the oxygen too?
or maybe just enough
that I'd never feel full

punishment
for surviving
I suppose
Jan 2013 · 334
More
Hana Gabrielle Jan 2013
you are more than
those memories
than the bruises on your heart

more than folded corners
marking passages
that feel like home

more than what you lack
and
more than what you have

you are
more than enough
Jan 2013 · 340
Most of All
Hana Gabrielle Jan 2013
her hands told me stories
as they nervously drifted
towards my own

they spoke of goodbyes
of second guesses
of loss

but most of all
they spoke of
                          *hope
Jan 2013 · 421
cliché
Hana Gabrielle Jan 2013
desperately
attempt an escape
from cliché
and doing so
live another

midnight musings
jotted down in
cluttered notebooks

they never seem as grand
as they did
with heavy eyelids
Jan 2013 · 995
Speak
Hana Gabrielle Jan 2013
kiss my spine
so intimate
your flaming breath
seeps through me
as if the years have made me porous

trace the silhouette
of my calloused fingers
and linger
on the ridges of my wrist
you shiver
I resist
the temptation of escape

rest your head against my own
so heavy with memories
the sinking weight
of stories never told

I taste your breath
I taste your empathy
I taste the words
you never said
Jan 2013 · 951
Parasite
Hana Gabrielle Jan 2013
I see your face
I crave your company
why am I so full of wanting?
enamored with your smile
your roaming fingers
entranced by what is
behind your eyes
I'll grow close to you
take your love
and **** it dry
I
am
a monster.
never satisfied.
Jan 2013 · 722
Hate
Hana Gabrielle Jan 2013
hate
is a strong word
I assume that's why you use it
hate
is perhaps
the one emotion
I've never felt
Jan 2013 · 708
Lacking
Hana Gabrielle Jan 2013
self induced mania
greeting 3am,
hello, my old friend

lately daylight seems surreal

every static breath
revives the throb
of gaping emptiness

obvious, constant screaming
unfinished
incomplete
howling

muffled by
harmful habits
daydreams
and shallow company

crawling from distraction
to distraction
to sleep
but even in dreams
I find
only temporary relief
Jan 2013 · 962
Constant Thirst
Hana Gabrielle Jan 2013
these words spread out,
in letters left but not forgotten
on screens that light up lonely rooms

praying silently
that you will read a deeper meaning
confessions and obsessions
longing for recognition

but in the end
it's more than that

it's thirsting for
enigmatic connection
lusting after
someone
anyone
to unravel

and in turn
to unravel me

someone who won't believe me
when I'm lying to myself
someone who will disentangle
the shadowed shambles
that haunt my bones

I pine for
a soul
to comprehend the corners of my mind
to memorize the knots along my spine

in the end
I cannot fathom
why any soul would try
Dec 2012 · 371
New Years
Hana Gabrielle Dec 2012
What's your resolution?
What was your last?
Is it worth the false hope,
looking back on your past?
Dec 2012 · 492
winter
Hana Gabrielle Dec 2012
my bones feel hollow in the winter's silence
crisp wind cuts through the seasons
bringing an atmosphere
of endings

my reflection in the lit up city window
seems morbid
in comparison to the ribbons and stars
families rushing to warmth
expectations of kin
stiff grins and distant conversations

the absence of magic
that once sparkled in my sight

not desolate, though
another run around the sun
brings hopeful glimmers
of beginnings
Dec 2012 · 866
small talk
Hana Gabrielle Dec 2012
distracting yourself
from your sore chest
and existential questions

with screens, smiles,
and small talk
Dec 2012 · 714
Never written
Hana Gabrielle Dec 2012
I’ve always had the narcissistic belief
that I deserved poetry
but I’m starting to realize
that us who live in words
fall for the purity of actions
Dec 2012 · 393
Go
Hana Gabrielle Dec 2012
Go
when will I shift
no longer observing
but playing in your game

I am sick
of seeing all of you yearning
because you all just want the same

grant yourselves the silence
at least the sincerity
of truth

answer the questions
you've been avoiding
but not because I want you to

tell her, write to her, call her, even though you shouldn't
don't run away, confess to all, even though you said you wouldn't
Nov 2012 · 7.0k
Empty Effort
Hana Gabrielle Nov 2012
trying to find quiet
fighting my body
battling my mind

I hurt
in ways well described
by the clocks ticking time
chasing rhymes
with false sincerity

alone
like the one emotion
you refuse to show
Nov 2012 · 1.0k
frustration
Hana Gabrielle Nov 2012
frustration
to say the least
to say the most
my thoughts have ceased
to make sense at all
you dropped your responsibility
of standing by my side
I have no concept
of what sprints through your mind

its not me

it never will be

at least not how
all the poets made me dream
Nov 2012 · 471
Inquiries
Hana Gabrielle Nov 2012
"so, how does that make you feel?"

yes its all in your head
but who are they to say its not real?
Nov 2012 · 880
Angel In Red
Hana Gabrielle Nov 2012
my angel in red
Let's sing along
to songs only we know
I'll kiss your scars
we can smoke and read Thoreau
until we've forgotten time
and slipped under the moon's glow
my angel in red
you can stop the show
now we're alone
you were a missing thread
in my story
read and reread
trying to comprehend
what I was missing
my angel in red
welcome home
For Alexis
Nov 2012 · 419
Too Much
Hana Gabrielle Nov 2012
late night cravings
and spurs of inspiration
that kind of cold stillness
that makes you want to write

white noise, loud thoughts

get away get away get away

time is running fast
no one noticed that you stopped
overwhelming numbness
chills your nerves

losing momentum

slipping away
again
so soon
Nov 2012 · 520
Panic
Hana Gabrielle Nov 2012
the sort of thing we take advantage of
is only remembered when it is lost

complete panic
                           shaking
                                         sobbing
                                                       puking
                                         gagging
                       cramping
      this is hell

hyperventilate into the spinning room
filled with the horrific sounds of sobbing and *****
clutching onto life signs

remembering how to breathe
blink
breathe
blink
....
pause
....
and it stops
and you sink
into
darkness
Nov 2012 · 1.6k
Reminisce
Hana Gabrielle Nov 2012
the melancholy you wear always
is becoming of you, albeit repeated.
I reminisce about last year
about the ethereal days
filled with pain yet,
                                           I felt... like, I was supposed to
does that make sense to you?

your furtive glances make me anxious
anticipating the moment
where you regurgitate your words
your unpoetic bile

that I drink in so willingly
so deep
our movements ripple
our murmurs trail off

to somewhere we cannot follow
Oct 2012 · 561
One More
Hana Gabrielle Oct 2012
Take one more drag
of your "last" cigarette

it wasn't too long ago
that you had your first

it seems like an eternity
you disappeared and came back again
traded in your old bad habits
for new ones

constantly making choices
between evils

maybe just one more
the smoke
                   tastes like bile
Oct 2012 · 412
Not finally,
Hana Gabrielle Oct 2012
that space between conscious and
                                                            n­ot
I will meet you there
peals of laughter will echo
for we will have escaped
                                           finally,
we will hover in limbo
breathing pure paradox
we will be alone you and
                                               I
whispers will then creep in
through the cracks in our sewn secrets
we never listen to what they
                                                say
yet soon the whispers
sink into our spines
and up through our joints
out our mouths they say
                                            goodbye.
Oct 2012 · 4.7k
Imperfection
Hana Gabrielle Oct 2012
Less than content with
the content you're left with
corrupted
with eroded shoulders
worn down by
the weight of your potential

don't believe in fate
if god decides to show its face
**** on your words
here that bitter regret
bruising

test the limits
of your passion
of your trust
one is daunting
the other claustrophobic
to be caged so tightly by anxiety

tortured by the thought of imperfection
Oct 2012 · 515
Nervosa
Hana Gabrielle Oct 2012
you with your eyes that shade of black
your skin that shade of pale
your hope that shade of never coming back
they don’t notice you feel frail

you left the table with a smile
your hair flowing down your spine
you’ll be one moment, yet that moment lasts a while
they all believe that you’re just fine

you return with eyes all blurry
you forgot to let down your hair
you change the subject in a hurry
you’re too in tune with all these stares

regurgitate your fears
and pray to that porcelain lord
you’ve been praying all these years
to this hell that you’ve adored
so tell me
where in hell is your reward?
Sep 2012 · 1.4k
Desire?
Hana Gabrielle Sep 2012
Internalize
what you love,
despise
desire
lose yourself, entire

yet don't dismiss
that inner tormented artist
when did we proclaim
that our dreams were unattainable?

The serpent of jealousy
slides through dusty veins
that trace your skeleton
so delicate

desire
to be empty
an addiction to the act of forgetting
yet you give permission
to your heart
you allow its hypnotic rhythm
to continually keep you up at night

rhetoric
is art
is falling
is free
unlike the cost
of loving what kills you
of loving
what is "me"

Beyond any language
I need the temptation
like rusted gears
turning in empathy
catharsis

taste iron and smile
for all the times you couldn't make it
yet still did
idiotic content
of the communal brain that we sustain
the sickness we maintain
Sep 2012 · 473
Not Feeling
Hana Gabrielle Sep 2012
clocks tick tocking still
counting down my time until
I can leave this window sill
and make my way to hell
I haven't been feeling
and when I do its not well
maybe I'll make it
time will tell
don't say I'll be alright
because
I'm viciously praying
that I won't make it through the night
Sep 2012 · 490
You know who you are
Hana Gabrielle Sep 2012
apparently
you're gone.
In a way that you've left no remains.
I was holding on to
a concept
an ill timed joke
like sand
it slips
right through
my fist

My knuckles turn white
with sincerity
and I ponder the rain
that hits me
like a million kisses
did you stand under this rain
did you dance
did you think of our embrace

I'm letting you free

but first
I have to destroy
everything
myself
your memory
and any left over belief

we were
but we are not

a beautiful concept
that can't live on

and it is foolish
to clutch on to
dreams that are gone
Sep 2012 · 657
Conflict
Hana Gabrielle Sep 2012
I am all too fondly reminiscent of illness and shivers of melancholy. Like a raindrop, going nowhere but down, yet surrounded. As long as I'm not alone... though I crave your comfort like home. Where did you go? What did I say? What do they so easily offer, when I give you my heart and soul. No, you've always had them. You are my introduction and epilogue, you are my deepest, softest, whispered words come alive. You are my dream yet my night mare, because with you I am vulnerable. Conflict in your smile, in your tender caress and kiss. Unspoken, we always have been. Shall we evolve? Fade from the dim moonlit night into full, bright, blissful sunshine?

But then... there will always be clouds.

So?
Let's stop running from the shade, let's learn to dance together in the downfall of rain.
Sep 2012 · 337
I want
Hana Gabrielle Sep 2012
consume
I am hungry for more than matter
for energy
for impossibility
give it to me

I want it all
I want you too
albeit
I'll never give myself back to you
Aug 2012 · 563
Paradise
Hana Gabrielle Aug 2012
agitated by silence
the science of belief
by the absence of relief
you always keep your prayers brief

got left behind
on the way
to paradise
shaded softly by the scratched up silhouette
of the fast fading sunrise
Aug 2012 · 600
Past Saving
Hana Gabrielle Aug 2012
I am consumed, a convict of my own convictions.

I am tempted by a dead end road, knowing better than anyone where it goes.
I crave uncovered bones, and the dizzy dreams I once called home.
I fret I’ll never meet my goal, though I’ve given everything, I’ve sold my soul.

What’s the price of fragility?

How much would I pay, how far will I go?
I’ll go all the way, to be the thinnest girl you know.
It’s not about skinny, it’s about control.
I want to let the emptiness swallow me whole.

I want, I need, I crave these chains.
I’m too far-gone to save;
I’m already on the train.
Don’t tell me I’m insane
I know that life and love are pain.
Sick superiority you claim
So you can play your tricks and games
With the fragile fabric of our brains

It’s not fair
Its love and war
But I don’t love the things
That I’m fighting for
I hate the cravings
I hate that I’m past saving
and the way I've been behaving
Jul 2012 · 487
INK 8
Hana Gabrielle Jul 2012
We don't want to be found
waste your smiles
on pretty girls
who will never look twice
at reality

but who are we to say otherwise?

search for a purpose
under faded city lights
looking for change
but change would find us

inhale the iron aroma
of flesh
veins
mind games

**** like vapid animals
what we were meant for, right?
allow smoke to tear your lungs
and bite your nails until they bleed

you are my melody
and I can be the beat.

who engraves the graves?
we discovered it all
and grow but never age

dive in and out of my bones
sleep with limbs knitted
sinking back and forth
throbbing bodies
we've got nothing

nothing to lose
Jul 2012 · 1.1k
INK 7
Hana Gabrielle Jul 2012
Hold in your sentiments
that jump
the most graceful thing I've ever done

dive into the rabbit hole
singing all the while
weightless
approaching non existence

our veins are burning
we'll plead insane
its all wrong
you won't believe
that I don't lie through these false teeth
a breed of actors

do we let the emptiness win?
primal
naked
soaking in spotlights
slip into easy old footprints

but its only a dream
reasons fade
and scars stack up
what would you have done?

terrified and thrilled
drowning in ink
squeeze each other dry
take and take
and tick tock tick

affectionate bile
bitter honesty
you still feel sick
regret tastes like envy

running on instinct
continuity is a curse
I confess
I try to be distant
different?
anything but in the moment

recognize your delusions
don't count on the constant beat or breath
leave your artificial loyalty

you itch to collapse
to make an impact.
Jul 2012 · 511
INK 6
Hana Gabrielle Jul 2012
Your comprehension
of the space between my words
shocks
scares
excites me
makes me fall in love

I am the monster under your bed
eating your heart
I am the monster, I live in your head,
breaking you apart

**** time
and space if you can
taste each other
late in the night
summer haze
and the numbness of winter weeks
cold, still

diagnoses
never live up to our childhood dreams
inhale the novocaine air
lose your attempted symmetry

I still kiss your picture
every night before I dream
waiting for the day
I'll bleed from the shattered glass

pass the craved smoke
mouth to mouth
with the unsaid urgency
of saving yourself

My spine against your heart
arching
stretching
emaciated
grotesque
but you hold on

in our bad habits
we created a home
safe

from the terrors
numb like the nights

a ghost of a persona
Jul 2012 · 418
INK 5
Hana Gabrielle Jul 2012
What are we fighting?
do you remember?
we are diseased, displeased,
definition of undone

wait for the sound
to reassure you
you're not alone
even knowing, that you won't answer

clocks continue
to dictate lives
I want to get out
of my head
my body
my mind

there is no ink that could satisfy
my shaking fingers
aching for more
for comfort
for truth

perhaps we ache
we crave
the fear

remember the silence?
your sweetest secret place
they found you there
and lit a match to serenity

do we believe because we exist?
or exist because we believe?

questions haunting your daydreams
your night terrors
black like a lack
of anything
empty
but filled with subconscious
Jul 2012 · 595
INK 4
Hana Gabrielle Jul 2012
On a train to anywhere
I read scribbled love notes
from a stranger

we believe
in the narcissistic consumption of thought
is that art?

bite my dancing tongue
like electric mollasses
I slide down your throat

thoughts bleed through my sinuses
once again

but I wont give up

we live, in a cryptic sense
steps through the rubble
the things we've left behind
like a shadow of your chaos
sickly sweet soaking sugar

a finale
that doesn't have an end.

tick tock tick
enflame creativity and begin
swallow your diction
begin to feel sick
taste of acidity
like all those years ago
living in hell

eroded finger tips
and silly scars

look me in the eye
I know a lie
when I'm being raised by one

digress
into the silence of understanding
calm my tremors
hold my shaking limbs
against your ever beating chest

shivers down my spine
like blaming you

for why I am.
Jul 2012 · 924
INK 3
Hana Gabrielle Jul 2012
A false hope
of belonging

shaded by disappointed lectures
by an idolized puppeteer of authority

shameless
we toss our ideals on the roots below
to gain one free moment
from thought

look back on that body
think of the grunting
sweating
pouring ink onto pillows
secreting through stretched pores
letting the dreamer sleep,
and the others dream
on these brightest nights

no more possessive pronouns
no one wonders
like we used to
no greater power is knocking

we're convicts of our own convictions

a paradox
air gets hard to swallow
hide under your quilt
of disdain and guilt

keep me afloat
but never show me how
Jul 2012 · 820
INK 2
Hana Gabrielle Jul 2012
a sexed up nighttime walker
click clack
down empty streets
full to the brim
with disgusting dreams

I photograph the secrets of the city
stealing your fondest darkness
and publishing the shameful lust
for them all to see
the vultures
hunting with talons of words so sharp
teeth bared, dripping ink
onto the forehead of the dreamer

toss turning on rough,
pure, delinquent ambition
what you taste after years
of restless sleep

I've ignored endless regrets
but not one about opening a ming
brilliantly high
choose a new poison
and slip into a sense of entitlement.
Jul 2012 · 583
INK 1
Hana Gabrielle Jul 2012
Bruised hips and lips
dragging themselves desperately
endless sensual friction
*******
smacking
crude, raw

stay true
to the muse of our generation
we were never taught
to share what we're given
precious garbage
spewed out of consumation
a spiral of artistic fury
the scratch of losing your voice
the voice that once
harmonized with lies

washed out external flame
burn bridges you've never crossed
for fear of humiliation
embers branding sin
into skin

slick like sticky fingers
groping bodies for a grip
to pull yourselves out
of the hell
called introspection

you are a moonlit chaotic mind
on the roots
forming roads to that which we lost

I've held my muse
kissed the lips that mumble
my melodic lullaby
the first of a very long series. sort of an abstract portrait of my recovery.
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