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 Jun 2013 Hana Gabrielle
Pen Lux
painful to see you
can't hold back my grinding teeth,
striking again and
I'm shocked at myself for not being
honest about the
gravel I chew in your presence.
wondering if I was
ready and pushing myself harder
to try to see you.

all of what I desired so painfully
is suddenly open armed and wanting
me back, won't leave me alone about
it. pouring out your heart now will
only hurt you more, for all that I am
refuses to move anywhere but forward.

you say you want to move forward
and to do so with me, and that you
will let go of the memories, and yet
that is all your soul seems to pour.
all your pen seems to shoot out and
the second I tell you a no instead of a
maybe, you go home and write about
how ****** up I am. Yet when I was
willing to still ******* I was some
sort of goddess. you were "honored"
by my presence. now it seems that
because I am my own person and I
wish to explore whatever excites me
after drowning in my love for you.
hating myself for feeling like I couldn't
live without you, or that love, and
constantly being another object you
could use at your leisure. *******.

everyone makes mistakes.
I made a big one and you made
small ones constantly.
I was going to be calm with the
words I spoke
for you did the same thing I did to you
with someone you claimed to love
who you loved and had been with
for 3 times longer than we've even
known each other.

the more time that goes by since I ripped your heart out
the more I wonder if we ever really knew each other in the first place
the more I see who you really are without the blinding curtain of love
the more time that had gone by since you ripped my heart out,
without even realizing it.
the more time I spent repairing it and returning it to you,
and again, the cycle continued until I physically attacked myself.

"my heart is so raw I think it forgot how to break"

I'm going to be free. I'm not going to dwell.
You said you wouldn't and you're happy and you've moved on,
perhaps it was all a lie you told yourself, perhaps it is true, but
if you don't stop writing **** about me,
then I'll just slam my pen back at you.
forgive me
if i mistake,
but i was taught
the tides stand tall to meet their maker
when she beckons,
and it is not clouds called
to congregate, but the people.
A word of advice: don't ever tell her she's a daddy's little girl
funny isn't it when she speaks of her dad,
she sounds like every other normal girl
that it would never come across your mind
she would be the one who receives the beating
when he's angry, whether at her or someone else.

She loathes him with all her heart
and I kid you not, this isn't a mere exaggeration
but believe it or not, she is very much like him
though she refuses to believe or admit it, she is.

They say, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree
she is as hot-tempered and stubborn as he is
her hands are as fast as her mind, once you **** her
she won't think twice about laying her hand on you
bear in mind that her petite figure aches to hurt
the pain she absorbs is greater when released.

"Like father like daughter" they love to claim
but she is nothing like him, like a shadow she resembles
only his physical traits and they're what she's known for
though her heart is ice cold, breathe a little fire to it
it will melt, she likes to think they're stone cold
but you'll be surprised at how sympathetic she can be.

She is bulletproof, her heart heavy on lockdown
nothing can hurt her worst than the tyrant in her house
but she endures and she triumphs and she learns
her fortress stood tall, guarding her from enemies
her mind seems to always be at war;
does she want to grow up to be like her father?

I always feel like I am two different souls in a body
I have the devil's fingerprints but the angel's persona
resides in me as well, and they're always fighting
at times, they get along and I am in peace
though my blood taints of my father,
I am not like him
but let me take you back to the start;
maybe I am a daddy's little girl.
I took a vow of silence
spoke not a word for weeks
but then one winter's night
I woke up singing
a song with a foreign tune
and lyrics I did not know
but I kept on singing
and like a map,
it lead me straight
to you
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